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| Beowulf by Rafiki 11/25/2007, 11:32pm PST | ||||
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| I went to see this with some family since it was one of those times where you want to see a movie but nothing good is playing, so you settle for whatever you think you can at least sit through.
I never read the original poem so I don't know how the movie compares. Ebert thinks that it's a satire of itself. Again, I never read the original poem, but I don't think there was a scene that went nowhere of a guy trying unsuccessfully to nail some barmaid and then trying to talk her down to a "gobble" (blowjob), so maybe Ebert has a point. And the scene literally went nowhere. I was totally expecting the horror movie cliché of the lusty 'teens' trying to sneak in some action and then the monster bad guy tears them in half, but it just kind of ended after duder got slapped. The rest of the movie is over the top retarded, like Beowulf cutting through a monster's eye from inside it's mouth and leaping out through the bloody hole yelling, "I AM BEOWULF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I also don't know why the entire thing was animated. Because they couldn't get Anthony Hopkins to stumble around half naked? Because Angelina Jolie's body isn't nearly as hot and voluptuous anymore as what was shown in the movie (last time I saw her she looked all skinny and freaky)? Who knows. I do know that having it fully computer animated just further emphasized how much computer animators shouldn't even bother trying to animate things like people, animals, plants, or basically anything that's alive and real. They still suck at it. The horses were especially jawdropping in their awfulness. I could understand animating Grendel or the dragon, though. I will give them credit in that there were certain scenes where they could have taken a picture of someone's face and I wouldn't be able to tell if it were a real person or not, though. The final fight scene was largely SNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE, and the end of the big battle was like the writers giving you the middle finger of logical inconsistencies. I mean, he couldn't reach it with his sword in his outstretched arm, but then suddenly he can reach it with his bare fucking hand? The movie felt like it could have been really great, but settled for being mostly stupid. I liked Crispin Glover as Grendel and not much else. |
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Beowulf by 11/25/2007, 11:32pm PST  you're not supposed to care about the story or the characters eyes NT by 11/26/2007, 12:10pm PST |
