|
by Jerry Whorebach 09/17/2007, 6:52pm PDT |
|
 |
|
 |
|
There are two reasons why I enjoyed Condemned: Criminal Oranges. One, the story was about hot shit CSI FBI BAU agents Gillian Gruesome and Sue Cidle on the trail of mysterious serial killer SERIAL KILLER X, and all those words I just said are fucking sweet, even if they don't really figure into the game much. Two, despite the combat and levels and enemies and scares all being recycled from Blood II, the graphics were realistic enough and the actual gameplay unintrusive enough that Condemned makes a pretty good urban exploration simulator. (Crawling around real-life dungeons has always been a passion of mine, and Condemned is the closest a video game has ever come to scratching that itch.)
On the other hand, there are plenty of reasons why I wouldn't recommend it to you. Everything about Condemned is dumbed down, from the game telling you when and where to use each forensic tool, to your lab tech calling you up less than ONE MINUTE after you find a riddle to just come right out and tell you the answer, to cut scenes taking great pains to repeat key plot points over and over again even though it's the same plot you've seen a hundred times before (the serial killer is fixated on... the agent assigned to catch him! it's like they're two sides of the same coin etc etc). And it seems like it wouldn't have been that much harder to hide, like, actual clues and evidence and shit around the levels than it must have been to make sure each one has six dead birds and three pieces of metal and a double-secret Xbox 360 to collect. I guess my point is I would have appreciated some adventure elements in what turned out to be a fairly straight-up action game.
But I guess none of that matters, because clearly what Jason Hall wanted was Doom 3 as a one-button beat 'em up. And seen in that flickering half-light, Condemned gleams like a diamond-studded cockroach - elegant and stylish, though not something anyone in their right mind would want. |
|
 |
|
 |
|
|
|
Review request: Condemned Criminal Origins by Flavio 04/17/2006, 1:08pm PDT 
"Keep these two words in mind as you watch this demo: Jerry Bruckheimer." NT by Condemned Developer 04/17/2006, 3:45pm PDT
=( NT by Flavio 04/17/2006, 8:21pm PDT
So much worse than either of those. by Lizard_King 04/18/2006, 7:25pm PDT
Is it too late to bump this one? by Schadenfreude 02/24/2007, 9:03pm PST
Condemned: Criminal Origins - Full-Fledged Review by Schadenfreude 04/14/2007, 5:41am PDT
No. by Lizard_King 04/14/2007, 7:14am PDT
Re: No. by Schadenfreude 04/14/2007, 11:25am PDT
So you're saying it's System Shock II Takes Manhattan? by Jerry Whorebach 04/14/2007, 11:45am PDT
My thoughts after the first level by Jerry Whorebach 09/14/2007, 3:26am PDT
I can't leave without my buddy 3 pieces of metal and dead bird. NT by Jhoh Clbbl O_____O 09/14/2007, 4:36am PDT
My thoughts after the tenth (and final) level by Jerry Whorebach 09/17/2007, 6:52pm PDT
Thanks, this review is next on my list NT by Ice Cream Jonsey 04/15/2007, 10:34pm PDT
I've had some time to think it over, and I've come to the conclusion... by Jerry Whorebach 04/27/2010, 3:33am PDT
*incredible CONTENT NT by Jerry Whorebach 04/27/2010, 3:35am PDT
"a lot of incredible buried in it" = Caltrops version of "full of win" NT by MEME CREATED! 04/27/2010, 8:46am PDT
Did you ever play System Shock 2? by Flavio 04/14/2007, 2:03pm PDT
Nope, somehow I missed that one ... by Schadenfreude 04/15/2007, 11:20pm PDT
|
|
