Forum Overview :: Peter Molyneux's The Movies
 
Re: Stardust by Zseni 08/15/2007, 12:32am PDT
bombMexico wrote:

This was awesome and great and....impressive. Not only because it was on 15 minutes after the shitty simpsons movie and the most convenient way to make them pay but also for non-revenge reasons.

Pros and cons lists are for faggots who don't know how to make paragraphs.

Hahaha well anyway.

Switching to rebuttal format so as not to blow your mind (with paragraphs).

I'm leaving this part in because cute.

Zseni wrote:

Ricky Gervais, whose schtick works super wonderful in a fanstasy setting, and I hope this leads to many other such roles for him.

Yeah, bit parts! Fuck that guy right? I wish i got paid for saying "brilliant" 5 times in 3 minutes.

His were the parts of the movie which rolled closest to Mad Max, just like the bits with the evil princes dying were the bits most like Munchausen. Do you see a pattern here? How the best bits of Stardust were the bits that came closest to actual good movies? Do you see that, Mexico?

t's a romance built on some of the least likeable leads I've ever seen

For anyone who hasn't seen her lately, Claire Danes doesn't do that thing where her skull looks like its about to pop out when she's upset like she did all the time on her mtv show. Also, only a dum girl would call this a romance. More of a fantasy, just as much faggot shit, but more stabbings and boob jokes.

Two stabbings and A Boob Joke. Don't pander to Caltrops, BM. You can't man up this estrogen-fest, and you do everyone involved a disservice by saying that it's fantasy. The fantasy is all dress-up. Stardust is 95% Date With An Angel, 5% American Beauty, and some fantasy-colored frosting on top.

Clumsy fag jokes alleviated not in the slightest by that their target is Robert DeNiro, and for fuck's sake what a hidebound old-fashioned Gay Sidekick queen he's playing.

This is retarded and i'm going to tell you why. Normal people need their movie gays to be prancing and crossdressing and flapping their wrists about for them to know that they're gay, because the alternative is guys pounding other guys. Balls slapping against balls for christsakes, what's wrong with you?

Flaming queens have their times and places and I love Peacocks In The Park as much as anyone. However, the quean in the movie was both 1.) not in the book! and 2) a tired hackneyed done-over swish, a castrated Auntie Mame, and yet another in a long line of rehash and genre tripe that passes for characterization in this wash-out. If I'm watching a movie in which every character plays a clumsy stereotype, does it become magical fantasy just because one of the dudes has an eccentric career? NO, IT IS STILL A LAME MOVIE.

Compare and contrast: David Bowie queering to the hilt in Labyrinth, and Robert DeNiro with a love patch in Stardust. One of these dudes is representing a genuinely bizarre, mysterious, even alarming kind of sexuality; the other is safe as punch and pie. Tim Curry in Legend and Robert DeNiro in Stardust: one is an archetype, the other is a stereotype. Are you getting this image yet, Kurosawa? Are you coming to grips with the fundamentals here, Mr. Lynch? FUCKING AUGRA IN THE FUCKING DARK CRYSTAL HAS MORE THAT IS DISTURBINGLY SEXUAL AND HUMAN IN HER THAN ROBERT FUCKING DENIRO PLAYING A GUY COMPLETELY CHARACTERIZED BY HIS SEXUALITY.

The fundamental problem here is that you have bad taste in fantasy. All you want is dress-up, apparently. You like eye-candy and superficial exotica. Maybe you're getting your Real Movie thrills watching all the Real Movies that I freak out and can't watch (because they're too real for me) but for me fantasy isn't about dressing up and saying you're a princess. Fantasy is a place to trawl one's dreams; it is a formal stage, set off from the requirements of "realism" and linear narrative, on which we let our hopes and fears run free. Maybe the matter discovered therein can be set into a larger fabric of humanity's dreams (fairy tales, superstitions, dead religions) but it's always necessary to be a little unique, a little odd.

There's nothing geniunely odd in Stardust. We hear tell of all kinds of fabulous weirdness - a Wall that sets two worlds apart, stars that watch the Earth, captive princesses and immortal witches - but what actually happens is a very dull romance accompanied by a very dull Race To The Girl. In a real fantasy movie, the kids get caught up in the mechanics of the world; It has Its way with Them, not vice versa. For there is nothing so dreamlike as to be not completely in control of the situation! But in Stardust nothing really gets in our Young Lovers' way except their own stupid quibbles and foibles. Take the characters out of their LARP garb and you're watching another tedious chick flick, complete with colorful gay sidekicks and jealous hags who hate Twoo Wub, with a wedding at the end and everything. Are you honestly stupid enough to believe that, just because The Hero rubs his success in his former crush's face, you're watching anything but a Lifetime movie sponsored by Wizards Of The Coast?

I hate this movie more now that you've made me think so precisely about what was wrong with it. When I had only vague lists of pros and cons, I didn't care very much about it either way.
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Stardust by Zseni 08/12/2007, 10:16am PDT NEW
    If you want funny and whimsical... by Jerry Whorebach 08/12/2007, 4:12pm PDT NEW
        I'm serious about this one, it really is as good as fantasy gets. NT by Jerry Whorebach 08/26/2007, 4:56pm PDT NEW
    Re: Stardust by bombMexico 08/13/2007, 9:47pm PDT NEW
        Re: Stardust by Zseni 08/15/2007, 12:32am PDT NEW
            American Beauty by Mischief Maker 08/15/2007, 7:19am PDT NEW
                Re: American Beauty by Zseni 08/15/2007, 10:07am PDT NEW
                    There's nothing less Zseni than defending American Beauty in any circumstances. by Zseni 08/15/2007, 4:53pm PDT NEW
                        Zseni hates fascism and strict rules? NT by shock 08/15/2007, 9:19pm PDT NEW
                            Fight Club was anarchism not fascism. by Jhoh Clbbl O_____O 08/15/2007, 10:02pm PDT NEW
                                hence, me NT by irony 08/15/2007, 10:04pm PDT NEW
                                    Fight Club was about how The Man tries to keep you down by Zseni 08/15/2007, 11:10pm PDT NEW
                                        That makes Fight Club sound pretty cutting edge. NT by Jhoh Clbbl O_____O 08/16/2007, 1:19am PDT NEW
                                        Hmmm yes no one mentioned anarchists. Zseni is on the uptake! NT by irony 08/16/2007, 2:46am PDT NEW
                                        Fight Club wasn't about how anarchism/machismo is cool. by Eyo 08/16/2007, 1:45pm PDT NEW
                                        This reminds me... by Mischief Maker 08/19/2007, 2:49pm PDT NEW
                                            Almost legal! by Pepsi Girl 08/19/2007, 2:59pm PDT NEW
                                            Re: This reminds me... by Zseni 08/19/2007, 4:25pm PDT NEW
                                                Re: This reminds me... by Mischief Maker 08/20/2007, 12:55am PDT NEW
                Death Wish remakes by Bodybag 08/15/2007, 1:28pm PDT NEW
                    Kevin Bacon gets my vote for ripping off Microchip too. NT by Worm 08/15/2007, 1:58pm PDT NEW
                    "Lambada" and "The Forbidden Dance" :( by Jerry Whorebach 08/15/2007, 4:07pm PDT NEW
                        "The Forbidden Dance" :( - turn that frown upside down! by Zseni 08/15/2007, 4:52pm PDT NEW
                            I wouldn't know, I watched it with the sound off :( by Jerry Whorebach 08/15/2007, 8:37pm PDT NEW
                        Re: "Lambada" and "The Forbidden Dance" :( by laudablepuss 08/15/2007, 5:06pm PDT NEW
                            LOTR and HP. Reason behind the phenomenon? Hype is a public good. NT by Quentin Beck 08/15/2007, 6:21pm PDT NEW
                                This is a delightful premise. I'm going to steal it. NT by Zseni 08/15/2007, 9:40pm PDT NEW
                            Re: "Lambada" and "The Forbidden Dance" :( by Vested Id 08/15/2007, 6:34pm PDT NEW
                                Re: "Lambada" and "The Forbidden Dance" :( by E. L. Koba 08/15/2007, 6:38pm PDT NEW
                            whotta ripoff -NWS- by bombMexico 08/15/2007, 10:36pm PDT NEW
                                Here's another joke rendered less shocking by a NWS tag. by Jerry Whorebach 08/16/2007, 12:49am PDT NEW
                                    I believe I'll go with, i dunno error tags are pretty shocking! by bombMexico 08/16/2007, 6:48am PDT NEW
                                        Worked for me, unfortunately. by laudablepuss 08/16/2007, 10:45am PDT NEW
                                            Hi! You called someone else a dumbass. NT by Irony 08/16/2007, 1:15pm PDT NEW
                                                You too. Go back to SA or wherever. NT by laudablepuss 08/16/2007, 1:56pm PDT NEW
                                        The kind of retard who FUCKED YOUR WIFE. by Jerry Whorebach 08/16/2007, 1:53pm PDT NEW
                                            The less time spent on making that movie accessible, the better. NT by laudablepuss 08/16/2007, 1:55pm PDT NEW
                                            Re: The kind of retard who FUCKED YOUR WIFE. by bombMexico 08/16/2007, 9:56pm PDT NEW
                                She does look suspiciously like Will Smith NT by The Happiness Engine 08/16/2007, 10:14pm PDT NEW
                What a hilarious idea for an article. by Cracked.com 08/15/2007, 7:34pm PDT NEW
                    Oh yeah I saw that. by Jhoh Clbbl O_____O 08/15/2007, 9:18pm PDT NEW
                    They left out almost the entier Pixar/Dreamworks feud by FABIO 08/15/2007, 10:11pm PDT NEW
            Stardust is great and everyone should see it by bombMexico 08/15/2007, 10:12pm PDT NEW
                Re: Stardust is great and everyone should see it by Zseni 08/15/2007, 11:22pm PDT NEW
                    I have a good way to tell a good fantasy movie from a bad one! by Fullofkittens 08/16/2007, 9:07pm PDT NEW
                        hey, what the fuck? NT by frankie and johnny 08/16/2007, 10:26pm PDT NEW
                        Scarface and Batman Returns are the exceptions that prove the rule. by Jerry Whorebach 08/16/2007, 10:31pm PDT NEW
                            Witches Of Eastwick is objectively good. NT by Zseni 08/18/2007, 5:07pm PDT NEW
                                If you're a girl, misunderstood. NT by Jerry Whorebach 08/18/2007, 5:51pm PDT NEW
    My brother beat everyone in this thread. by Zseni 08/24/2007, 7:27pm PDT NEW
        so how long have you known that your brother NT by is GAY??? 08/24/2007, 8:56pm PDT NEW
 
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