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Just Cause demo review, right wing masturbatory fantasy by Weyoun Voidbringer 10/24/2006, 9:51pm PDT We all know that leftists are responsible for the worst oppression and genocide ever. So here is a game where you play a crusading (evil!!!!!) CIA agent who kicks castro or chaves ass completely solo while smirking. You also have the gift of flight. Out of all the reporblican wet dream shooter video games (so... none of them, except perhaps Max Payne and/or Mercenaries?) this is the least likely to ever happen in IRL (in in real life). This game is just totally wristing one off right in your face while you smile and lick it up. First, some flaws. I just got a new better cpu to replace my old 1.4 amd xp (it was a 1.7 xp which means its supposed to be faster with windows xp PSH), so with my nice notbad 128 meg video card this game should run just fine with all the settings down to "not even a video game" ugly. But no, the entire world is constantly flickering like the mountainsides are a messed up floresent lightbulb. The framerate is so slow the game is in permanent slow motion, which is the only way to avoid being killed TO DEATH between lost frames. Other huge fucking negative right out of the gate, no mouse curser for the menu area. The playable parts allow for some sweet mouse aiming which is a definite positive, but I have to use the arrow keys to select stuff in the menus, and I can't fucking rebind the functions in the game!!!!(!) The various moves (teleporting between vehicles with the "stunt" feature *SPITS*) are bound to a bunch of different functions, and my spacebar doesn't seem to activate unless I hit itin the center now. Hopefully the full version for the PC allows this to be changed. As for the positives, they are pretty obvious. If you are thinking of a game you would like to rip off so you can have a good starting point, GTA3+ is an excellent choice. This game, from what I could play until the last mission I died on, is GTA on easy mode. You start the wholegame with an unlimited ammo dual wield setup (it does need to be reloaded after 12 shots). You can shoot grenades inmidair apparently, which sounds like fun. The explosion effects are similar to the super fucking awesome ones in CoH. You can jack a car in motion by jumping on its roof and then kicking through the driver side window, blowing out anyone in the entire front of the car and handing control to you instantly, with some kind of insane swinging jump stunt move THING. One of my mark ass trix "marks" was planning on flying a helicopter, so I headed over to the heliport via paragliding. The game pointed out a little bird that I could verylikely take control of, so on my way to kick some ass and find out if the game even allowed me to control helis, the fucking mark boss suddenly died. He either crashed his own chopper on the pad, or he FELL OFF the tower. What is this guy, the spanish john kerry or some shit? >;3 I still went after where I figured the little bird was. When I found it, a MG nest next to the pad started up on me. I took like 2% damage from some sustained fire while I shot at some red barrels under his position. After what seemed like too many shots, the barrels exploded hugetime, which was a really fucking sweet effect. Then I started up the helicopter and practiced flying for a few seconds (ascending and descending are the left shift and ctrl keys which is annoying, especially when Im trying to manuver and hit capslock or some gay shit), firing some "for fun" missles at police cars, just before an enemy helicopter flew right into me for a warm hug. After I detached I gained a little distance, locked on, and lit the fuck up the fuck out of that faggot. I closely watched it spin toward the ground while thinking to myself "hit the ground and explode hit the ground and explode" wondering if perhaps it would just become a hulking physics wreck and spite me by not explosiding. As soon as it hit the ground a giant SUSTAINED ploom of fire and dirt and slaughtered human effluence sprayed up into the air. The next mission, I flew my wonderful helicopter towards some speedy boats, and got shot down by SAMs constantly. My last attempt so far, I was busy dodging missles when I was warned about the enemy boat targets nearing the super secret somethingorother I was supposed to defend. The instant I bailed from my flaming wreck as it exploded in my face, the game let me know I had failed my mission again, except instead of "YOU ARE DEAD" it said the sun had gone down, which I assumed was super secret spy code for being too late to rescue the thing I was supposed to protect. Instead no, the game KICKED me out of it, which I discovered was the time limit for playing. So ok then. Not at all final verdict: positive.

Just Cause demo review, right wing masturbatory fantasy by Weyoun Voidbringer 10/24/2006, 9:51pm PDT