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by Zsenicorpse 04/08/2006, 10:55am PDT |
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I fucking hate Oblivion. The clunky interface, my immoveable fucking neck, the glaringly blue and opaque water, the FUCKING OREGON TRAIL FONT, forced full-frontal facial with each and every conversation!
The game takes running leaps backwards in realism. For every dead jiggling rat, there are:
- Conversational tools in which you must, manditory soldier!, threaten someone and then kiss his ass. I left Caltrops to avoid that whole scene!
- "Natural" NPC "conversations" - where have I heard freaky, stilted, non-sequitur conversations like these before? "Hello!" "Good day!" "Have you heard about Funiculus Pederast's new girlfriend?" "Mm hmm..." "Tchuss!" "Guten abend." Morrowind was much better in this respect. Everyone was a surly bastard who hated you and couldn't wait to tell you all the same shit everyone else in your entire life to date had told you. Until you gave them money or slapped them around a bit or got the local gentry on your side. Then it was all "oooo Hortator!"
- Rat jiggle PLUS perpetual object jiggle everywhere all the time. The whole world has Parkinson's!
- Mirror hair.
- WHY IS THERE NO MOUSELOOK? AND WHO DECIDED THAT WHEN YOU'RE ON A HORSE YOU GET MOUSELOOK... BUT CRIPPLED MOUSELOOK?! 180 degrees of mouselook can't be that much fucking easier to code than 360. Look, I'll peer all the way behind me without moving my hips at all! Look at this, Bethesda! You've officially given me a fantasy alter ego less physically fit than my real life alter ego! FOR A LOT OF YOUR TARGET DEMOGRAPHIC, THIS IS VERY AWKWARD.
- That fucking Every Menu Is One Menu inventory/map/whatever dongle is fucking retarded as shit. It was so easy in Morrowind - I wanna see my inventory. Okay now I want the map. Okay the journal. Separate keys! Fast-loading, easy to get to! Crippled the game not at all, stranglely enough!
- People come to check my shit out if I wander over to their bedroom door - but once I'm IN THE FUCKING BEDROOM, it's no longer a matter of any concern to them at all. I could spend a week in some guy's private quarters, reading his books, jumping on his bed. While he's sleeping in it. He don't mind! Anything for a good lockpicker!
- Buy Wheaty Bud from shopkeeper. Exploit ludicrously obvious bug that allows me to make potion with single reagent. Sell potion of Name back to shopkeeper for 3 or 4 times the price of Wheaty Bud. Why does this ruin my whole day? Because... because... IT'S SO EASY TO NOTICE THAT SHIT LIKE THAT HAPPENS! But Bethesda was too invested in making the Greatest XBox Game Ever Made to bother with the PC port, I guess.
The water really bothers me, too. Why can't I see my hand in front of my face?! It's like some kind of blueberry mush in there! Morrowind's water was a graphical triumph at the time it was released; now the water in fucking World Of Warcraft gets the heads up on the leading Realistic Real Real Real game of our time. Oh yeah, and ahhh, the waving grass, the waving bushes... the...waving everything... everything is waving all the fucking time... in the same freaky circles...
One of the underlying problems with game design is that the more "realistic" games become, the harder it is to accomplish further realism, and the more people notice the stuff that's badly done. Who bitched about solid blue water in Castles? Nobody. Did anyone decry the lack of scales on the little snakes in Utopia? No. Did we need to know more about the white house we were behind in Zork? Uh uh. Oblivion suffers from this nasty little paradox: that in a game filled with sunlight on the harbor and flowers hidden in the grass around tree trunks and the freedom to run wherever you like and do whatever you want, you HAVE to zoom in on people's fat fucking faces when you talk to them, and you HAVE to look in the same direction you're running.
I find it practically unplayable! In fact I did find it unplayable until I saw you guys cooing over it after having soundly rogered Morrowind, a game I consider superior to Oblivion in almost every possible area! But I'm going to give it another chance on the strength of your dumb opinions. |
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Initial reaction by Entropy Stew 03/24/2006, 5:01pm PST 
Re: Initial reaction by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/24/2006, 7:31pm PST
Correction by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/24/2006, 7:33pm PST
So... by Lizard_King 03/24/2006, 8:13pm PST
Re: So... by Mr. Kool 03/24/2006, 9:16pm PST
Re: So... by Lizard_King 03/24/2006, 9:29pm PST
It's as easy as scrolling the mousewheel. NT by Bodybag 03/25/2006, 5:28am PST
I played this game all night. #^( NT by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/25/2006, 5:54am PST
Played uninterrupted from 5pm until 2am by Entropy Stew 03/25/2006, 11:37am PST
Oblivion impressions & screens by Bodybag 03/24/2006, 8:23pm PST
Hey I took a single good screen shot. by Worm 03/24/2006, 9:58pm PST
thanks wrom NT by Tid Ganner 03/25/2006, 3:07am PST
DUR DUR DUR DUR DUUUUUUUURRRRRRRR ADUUUURRRRR NT by Worm 03/25/2006, 1:10pm PST
Speaking of reading, watch me eat this Bible sandwich! by Raphael Tarbob 03/25/2006, 9:11pm PST
Other recipies by Emeril 03/27/2006, 10:41pm PST
Re: Hey I took a single good screen shot. by Fussbett 03/27/2006, 5:14pm PST
Ah shit. by Worm 03/27/2006, 9:25pm PST
Re: Ah shit. by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/27/2006, 9:49pm PST
As you should. by Worm 03/27/2006, 10:57pm PST
Re: Ah shit. by E. L. Koba 03/27/2006, 11:32pm PST
Re: Ah shit. by Entropy Stew 03/28/2006, 4:32pm PST
Mod Hookups for Jonsey (and the rest of you fags) by Bill Dungsroman 03/28/2006, 7:08pm PST
I have become reliant on the Edit Function. NT by Bill Dungsroman 03/28/2006, 7:08pm PST
Re: Mod Hookups for Jonsey (and the rest of you fags) by Ice Cream Jonsey 04/01/2006, 1:36pm PST
Re: Ah shit. by up with pod people 03/30/2006, 11:48am PST
Fast first impressions by Motherhead 03/25/2006, 9:23pm PST
Loving Oblivion (first time listener, first time caller) by Fussbett 03/27/2006, 5:46pm PST
*psst!* look around the waterfront at midnight. NT by Bodybag 03/27/2006, 7:06pm PST
Thieves Guild by Mysterio 03/27/2006, 8:58pm PST
Thanks, dudes. More questions. by Fussbett 03/27/2006, 9:28pm PST
Soul gems are used for enchanting stuff. Have to get rank in the MG for that. NT by Druids (MAGE GUILD) 03/27/2006, 10:22pm PST
"Aquire recommendations from leaders of all local guild halls" = fuck that shit. NT by Fussbett 03/27/2006, 11:06pm PST
Most of the recommendations are pretty simple to get. by Mysterio 03/28/2006, 11:34am PST
I suck. by Fussbett 03/28/2006, 4:09pm PST
Re: I suck. (KVATCH SPOILERS) by Entropy Stew 03/28/2006, 5:22pm PST
After Kvatch + Oblivion Gate closing + Martin return, I'm now powerful. NT by Fussbett 03/28/2006, 6:17pm PST
Re: After Kvatch + Oblivion Gate closing + Martin return, I'm now powerful. by up with pod people 03/30/2006, 11:51am PST
Re: After Kvatch + Oblivion Gate closing + Martin return, I'm now powerful. by E. L. Koba 03/31/2006, 8:13pm PST
"Aquire recommendations from leaders of all local guild halls" = fuck that shit. by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/28/2006, 4:07pm PST
Seriously. Try not to level. by Worm 03/28/2006, 4:55pm PST
Turn the difficulty slider down? NT by Entropy Stew 03/28/2006, 5:22pm PST
:( NT by Worm 03/28/2006, 6:00pm PST
I did totally forget about this. Thanks. NT by Worm 03/28/2006, 7:34pm PST
Don't even bother trying to spell thief correctly either. NT by Creexul :( 03/28/2006, 5:28pm PST
:( NT by Worm 03/28/2006, 5:59pm PST
Re: "Aquire recommendations from leaders of all local guild halls" by Mysterio 03/28/2006, 7:09pm PST
Just like Morrowind, stacking enchants turns you into Digital Jesus. (Positive!) NT by Druids (MAGE GUILD OG) 03/28/2006, 11:14pm PST
dagger with absorb strength or speed should be fun too NT by Mysterio 03/29/2006, 4:00am PST
Drop it like it's hot by up with pod people 03/30/2006, 1:38am PST
WHERE WERE YOU ON 3/27?! by Fussbett 03/30/2006, 2:25pm PST
PROTIP: Get Mage Guild Apprentice ASAP, use Fortify Skill 95 by Druids 03/30/2006, 3:57am PST
fortify don't give you ranks NT by Mysterio 03/30/2006, 7:05am PST
DURRR??? Well, whatever it's doing, I can pick Very Hard locks with 5 Security NT by Druids 03/30/2006, 8:10am PST
Re: Initial reaction by Zsenicorpse 04/08/2006, 10:55am PDT
Morrowind, a game I consider superior to Oblivion in almost every possible area! by Druids 04/08/2006, 11:55am PDT
Re: Initial reaction by Ice Cream Jonsey 04/08/2006, 3:11pm PDT
Re: Initial reaction by Zsenicorpse 04/12/2006, 11:33pm PDT
Never mind that by up with pod people 04/09/2006, 12:27am PDT
Re: Never mind that by Zsenicorpse 04/10/2006, 8:28am PDT
Re: Never mind that by Oom Shnibble 04/10/2006, 9:08am PDT
Headphones: illegal in Utah?! NT by Ray of Light 04/10/2006, 11:48am PDT
Not if she's on the phone with people. NT by Fullofkittens 04/10/2006, 5:19pm PDT
Then they are or aren't? Illegal I mean. by NWS 04/10/2006, 7:02pm PDT
I don't read your posts until I get home by Fussbett 04/11/2006, 9:58am PDT
haha NT by I need clarification 04/10/2006, 2:54pm PDT
Re: Never mind that by Casual bystander 04/10/2006, 5:04pm PDT
Re: Never mind that by Entropy Stew 04/10/2006, 11:13pm PDT
Deal with your frustrations by posting angry messages on Caltrops. by Fussbett 04/11/2006, 9:59am PDT
No Mouselook? What? NT by Mysterio 04/10/2006, 7:29am PDT
No 'no mouselook' option maybe? NT by Worm 04/10/2006, 11:55am PDT
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