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| Here is what a movie about totalitarian governments done right looks like. by Creexul :( 03/25/2006, 12:58pm PST | ||||
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| http://www.caltrops.com/pointy.php?action=viewPost&pid=39338
s10 (1:45:35 PM): NIN-BURN.MP3 s10 (1:46:13 PM): im going to make an art project where i show columbine videos with burn as the soundtrack s10 (1:46:17 PM): and it will be very deep s10 (1:46:24 PM): ill turn it in for college art class s10 (1:46:45 PM): ill be wearing all black s10 (1:46:47 PM): with black makeup s10 (1:46:53 PM): and a t-shirt that says "faggot fuck" Jhoh Cable (1:48:05 PM): It is a reference to that wonderful movie, Falling Down. s10 (1:48:21 PM): falling down is my favorite movie s10 (1:48:27 PM): he just walks around city busting fuckers heads s10 (1:48:35 PM): he is like "YOU SIR, ARE A FUCKER" s10 (1:48:39 PM): andhe vaporizes him s10 (1:49:08 PM): I am going to make FALLING DOWN 2 s10 (1:49:18 PM): where two guys have mental breakdowns at opposite ends of LA s10 (1:49:30 PM): and they both carve a path of destruction towards the center of the city s10 (1:50:31 PM): its like this total dbz battle s10 (1:50:37 PM): these dudes are so pissed and equally matched s10 (1:50:44 PM): they are like flying through the air at the speed of light s10 (1:50:52 PM): and you just see huge shockwaves knock over buildings s10 (1:50:59 PM): and the police are like "UNBELIEVABLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Jhoh Cable (1:51:07 PM): Awesome. Jhoh Cable (1:51:14 PM): SO WHY DON'T YOU DRAW THAT s10 (1:51:55 PM): he is like talking to some guy in the parking lot, and he says "YOUR FIRED" and he shoots him in the face so hard he flys back into this gasoline store s10 (1:52:01 PM): and the whole store turns into a nuclear blast Jhoh Cable (1:52:10 PM): Yes, that is what all movies should have. s10 (1:52:24 PM): bad boys 2 was lame s10 (1:52:27 PM): it wasn't as good as the song s10 (1:52:34 PM): it was because some white guy was directing it Jhoh Cable (1:52:40 PM): I heard that song in my sleep some time a few days ago or something. s10 (1:52:47 PM): they needed to get a black guy that loves kung fu movies to direct it Jhoh Cable (1:52:59 PM): It needed more offscreen killing of innocent women and children. s10 (1:53:19 PM): they totally missed an opportunity in the final fight s10 (1:54:03 PM): they where standing outside of the us embassy and he could have shot the bad guy, so he goes flying back onto us soil, and will smith turns around as the bad guy is flying in mid air and goes "WELCOME TO AMERICA" and the bad guy goes "noooooooooooooooo!" and falls on the landmine which totally explodes Jhoh Cable (1:54:05 PM): A bad guy is shot to death so much he is spraying blood from his mouth and then he falls into a minefield. Jhoh Cable (1:54:24 PM): That's kind of gay. s10 (1:54:35 PM): you see he is standing outside of the embassy in my version s10 (1:54:40 PM): and smith shoots him into the embassy s10 (1:54:44 PM): so he is brought to justice on US soil Jhoh Cable (1:55:17 PM): He flies backwards into the embassy? Jhoh Cable (1:55:20 PM): And does it explode? s10 (1:55:24 PM): and the mine explosion was totally subdued and realistic Jhoh Cable (1:55:33 PM): He gets shot in the face and does like 50 backflips in slow motion. Jhoh Cable (1:55:45 PM): So did the mine rip his face off? s10 (1:55:48 PM): no Jhoh Cable (1:55:49 PM): Was he Arabic or something? s10 (1:55:52 PM): it blows his upper body off s10 (1:55:55 PM): he was cuban Jhoh Cable (1:56:01 PM): And therefore apparently deserving in American culture of such a realistic death? s10 (1:56:21 PM): that movie generally wasn't over the top enough s10 (1:56:32 PM): it felt like he was trying to be over the top but he didn't know how because he is a white dork Jhoh Cable (1:56:46 PM): That's kwear Jhoh Cable (1:56:57 PM): The bad guy should've been Arabic, in these post 9/11 times! Jhoh Cable (1:57:11 PM): Don't you think that would make a great movie bad guy? s10 (1:57:37 PM): some tank slowly drives into the tel aviv bus stop, and you hear a muffled explosion and smoke seeps out of the cockpit and you realized what happened s10 (1:58:11 PM): open up the hatch and there is just a coating of liquified murderer guts all over the inside Jhoh Cable (1:58:17 PM): YAY s10 (1:58:39 PM): thats why the arabs don't use tanks Jhoh Cable (1:58:52 PM): Will Smith and Martin Lawrence are transferred as Israel, and they single-handedly stop Palestinian terrorism... for good. Jhoh Cable (1:59:16 PM): There is a scene where Will and Martin throw away their badges and say IF WE'RE GONNA GET THESE MUTHAFUCKAS WE GOTTA DO IT OUR WAY. Jhoh Cable (1:59:40 PM): Then the next scene is them going up to the house of known terrorist leaders. Jhoh Cable (1:59:47 PM): And they are like HACHAHCHAHEAHCHAHAE? Jhoh Cable (2:00:13 PM): And then da BAD BOYZ open fire and hit some guy in the turban, the back of it explodes spraying blood all over his family. Jhoh Cable (2:00:47 PM): And then the family is like HOW COULD YOU DO THIS (in Arabic) and they get the AK-47s and explosives (and probably some heroin or cocaine which they taste to prove it's real) and go SEE? Jhoh Cable (2:01:12 PM): They get the AKs = the Bad Boys do I mean. Jhoh Cable (2:01:23 PM): As they are searching the house for proof of terrorism. s10 (2:01:27 PM): yes s10 (2:01:30 PM): terrorismeverywhere Jhoh Cable (2:01:42 PM): And then the next part is a totally hard rockin rock montage of them storming terrorists houses and shooting people and finding evil drugs and guns. s10 (2:01:52 PM): like in metal slug Jhoh Cable (2:01:54 PM): Yes. s10 (2:02:00 PM): they are riding camels s10 (2:02:13 PM): and tearing through wave after wave of terrorist shithole with vulcan cannons Jhoh Cable (2:02:16 PM): And then after the montage they are going up to a house all usual like and then suddenly a car in front of them explodes from an RPG fired at it from the house, and they're like WOA!!!!!!!!!! NIGGAAAAAAAAA Jhoh Cable (2:02:27 PM): And it turns out inside the house is like the leader of Hamas or some shit. s10 (2:02:43 PM): wait s10 (2:02:45 PM): when the car explodes Jhoh Cable (2:02:46 PM): And then they go in disguise as Arabic women with the beekeeper outfits. s10 (2:02:50 PM): it goes into slow motion Jhoh Cable (2:02:54 PM): Yes. Jhoh Cable (2:02:59 PM): And perhaps bullet time? s10 (2:03:04 PM): and it playis this "bummer" guitar music where the dude wont let up off of the wammy bar Jhoh Cable (2:03:13 PM): Yes, like in The Rock. Jhoh Cable (2:03:35 PM): The guitar goes WHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR bending the low note further down. Jhoh Cable (2:03:47 PM): Like a chainsaw slowing down. s10 (2:04:03 PM): and then they turn around in slow motion and look at the hamas dude, and the hamas guy is like "OH SHEEET I DONE MESSED WITH THE WRONG MOTHER FUCKERS" Jhoh Cable (2:04:10 PM): Hhrewhrhhrehwhre. Jhoh Cable (2:04:33 PM): Will sees him or something and that's how he points out YO THAT'S THE LEADER OF HAMAS AN SHIT (NIGGA) Jhoh Cable (2:04:53 PM): Then Martin is like "YO I GOT A IDEA DAWG." Jhoh Cable (2:05:07 PM): And then they're wearing the beekeeper outfits (even though it's like 100 degrees) and they go into the house. Jhoh Cable (2:05:38 PM): Then they throw off the beekeeper outfits and they have a machine gun in each hand and they're like BAD BOYZ BAD BOYZ WATCHA GONNA DOO Jhoh Cable (2:06:06 PM): Then the Arabic dude starts gargling something in his incoherent language and the Bad Boyz open fire while diving through the air and they kill all the terrorists. s10 (2:06:08 PM): yeS! Jhoh Cable (2:06:44 PM): Except the leader, he escapes out the back so there can be a car chase, then a helicopter chase, then a showdown in the desert where they're like NAH DON'T SHOOT HIM IT AIN'T WURF IT DAWG Jhoh Cable (2:06:58 PM): But then the bad guy pulls a gun and they both blow him away so much that there's nothing left of him but a red paste. s10 (2:07:13 PM): YES s10 (2:07:20 PM): this red streak across the sand s10 (2:07:44 PM): then wha s10 (2:08:09 PM): i think the final showdown should be in mecca s10 (2:08:29 PM): so the guy dies along with the entire religion of islam Jhoh Cable (2:08:48 PM): Yes. Jhoh Cable (2:08:55 PM): There's like a Pope of Islam there. Jhoh Cable (2:09:11 PM): And Martin gets wounded, like shot in the shoulder. Jhoh Cable (2:09:24 PM): And Will is like held at gunpoint, and he's like WELL I GUESS DIS IS IT DAWG Jhoh Cable (2:09:31 PM): WE RIDE TOGETHA, WE DIE TOGETHA... BAD BOYS FOR LIFE! Jhoh Cable (2:09:33 PM): Dramatic music. s10 (2:09:41 PM): (will islam win?) Jhoh Cable (2:09:52 PM): And then it shows Martin was hiding a grenade and he's like YO I GOT SUMFIN TO PUT DEES SISSIES ON BLASS WILL or whatever. Jhoh Cable (2:10:03 PM): Or Mike Lawry I guess is his character name. :( Jhoh Cable (2:10:20 PM): He throws the grenade, it heads towards the center of Mecca, at that big stone outhouse or whatever the FUCK it is. s10 (2:10:40 PM): i have a better idea Jhoh Cable (2:10:42 PM): And then all the Arabic dudes are like HALAHBLALBLAHBALLABLALBHA and running towards the grenade. s10 (2:10:49 PM): he has like one of those laser guns that paints a target for airstrike s10 (2:10:55 PM): and the airforce is like WHERE ARE YOU Jhoh Cable (2:11:08 PM): They all dive on it, it explodes sending their body parts flying everywhere, and it also blasts a big hole in that stone outhouse, and the leader of Islam is on the other side so it collapses on him. Jhoh Cable (2:11:16 PM): While he screams and there's a closeup of his face. s10 (2:11:24 PM): i like the airstrike idea better s10 (2:11:31 PM): tehre has never been an airstrike painter in a movie yet Jhoh Cable (2:11:33 PM): Oh yeah that is good. s10 (2:11:37 PM): they could explain it in the beginning s10 (2:11:40 PM): he has like this laser gun s10 (2:11:44 PM): it is his last weapon Jhoh Cable (2:11:47 PM): When the leader of Islam dude dies though there should definitely be a closeup of him and whatever is killing him. Jhoh Cable (2:11:57 PM): Yes. Jhoh Cable (2:12:09 PM): And then it ends up being his downfall when it's used to lase him for an airstrike. s10 (2:12:25 PM): the us airforce comes flying s10 (2:12:26 PM): in formation s10 (2:12:35 PM): and nukes the shit out of mecca and the leader of islam s10 (2:12:49 PM): and then when the dust is settling it starts playing the theme song for that movie s10 (2:12:56 PM): and then next is a montage of celebration scenes Jhoh Cable (2:12:59 PM): But at the beginning there's a dramatic scene at Mecca where he's going on in a big dramatic speech about how Allah has blessed them with this new weapon which they will use to burn out the heart of the infidel, and as an example he vaporizes one of his own dudes, and then everyone goes ALALALALALALLLAALLA and shit which is their way of cheering I guess. s10 (2:13:14 PM): and the preisdent lowers the terror threat level to blue because there is no more terrorism Jhoh Cable (2:13:20 PM): Ever. s10 (2:13:20 PM): and they get medals and shit Jhoh Cable (2:13:34 PM): YOU HAVE SINGLE HANDEDLY STOPPED TERRORISM ON EARTH s10 (2:13:40 PM): jesus christ Jhoh Cable (2:13:45 PM): So they get the Silver Star or some shitty medal no one would recognize. s10 (2:13:50 PM): we should pitch this to bruckheimer Jhoh Cable (2:13:53 PM): Yes. |
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