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| It's Clown Shoes for Everybody M-Fer by The Weasel_Master 12/18/2005, 12:34pm PST | ||||
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| Clown Shoes of America
The Anti-Salvation Army The new Clown Shoes of America initiative needs YOU! If you have passed the point of mental collapse due to constantly having some clown shoe crapweasel outfit, or person, trample your self-esteem so flat that you have to use particle physics to try and explain where it went, with their freakishly oversized jerk-assed purple polka-dotted clown shoe management style/personality, or you have received the clown shoe field goal kick up the crapper, you have been sufficiently tenderized to join our cause. Join us. The Clown Shoes of America Initiative is open to the downtrodden, misunderstood, overworked, underpaid, sweaty miscreant masses of sick, twisted freaks looking for some way to make a statement. Join us in throwing off the shackles of servitude. We are the Anti-Salvation Army. We are beyond hope. We no longer care, and cannot be humiliated any more than we already have at the hands of the f-ing clown shoe bastards we have to deal with everyday. Our goal is to band together in a semi-secret brother/sisterhood of unity against all those weasels seeking to crush us under the giant clown shoe of suffering. Our secret insignia will be a very small pair of brightly decorated clown shoes, which may be seen dangling from a keychain, or rearview mirror. Our first act of un-civil disobedience will be to organize at least one Flash Protest wherein everyone agrees to engage as many co-conspirators as possible into loosely affiliated “cells of sanity” to do the following: 1-Purchase a pair of nasty old shoes from the nearest Salvation Army (or use a pair of your own, brothers/sisters, fathers/mothers, significant others). 2-Paint/decorate said shoes in the most hideous and bizarre manner possible with the intent of creating clown shoes on acid. 3-Prepare "Articles of Shame" to place inside the sinister footwear ordinance as a message to the intended target. 4-Coordinate your "Clown cell" so that everyone knows the intended target (the entrance to K-Wal Mart, the lobby of your company, the front door of the local media "rag", etc) and has had time to prepare their "Weapons of Mediocrity". 5-Ensure that the group has the ability to gather with relatively little prior notification (clown shoes may have to be hidden in car trunks, desk drawer bottoms, etc.). 5-Send the communiqué to your Clown Cell to descend on the target of terror via cellphone, IM, email, etc. 6-At the precise prearranged time everyone shows up, drops their payload, and immediately leaves. 7-Unexplained, pile of stinky, crazy clown shoes of hope and disdain with wittily written denunciations of the individual/organization left as mute testimony to the F’ing Clown Shoe M-Fer! That simple. Passive resistance to the corporate and managerial feces we all have to swim with in the giant Crapper of Corporate America. I invite further refinement of the initial concept. I will be posting the Clown Shoe Articles of Antagonism in my next issue of the Quisling Weasel Report at www.theweaselreport.com. PS I do not condone having the assembled minions throw said shoes at the intended target (although it would probably be more satisfying) due to the litigious nature of the average clown shoe M-Fer. |
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