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by Creexul :( 11/11/2005, 8:52pm PST |
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http://www.livejournal.com/users/evilneps/324853.html
I will copy and paste this myself to save someone some time.
CATS ALWAYS RUN AWAY AND THEN IMMEDIATELY COME BACK
From sasy's myspace JOURNAL (on myspace).
2006 AVN AWARDS, KITTEN, RABBIT, SENATOR
Current mood: fingerbang [AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! -ed]
all of you who talk to me regularly have probably heard me talk about how i'm going to the AVN awards show in january with this girl Tierney. i told my mom i'm going to a student government retreat in ohio without a cell phone when hopefully i will be knee-deep in pornstar pussy 8)
my cats are still gone. i got a new kitten and named him Victor von Doom and he's disabled. he has no tail and six fingers. he weighs 1 1/2 lbs. i didn't get him as a replacement cat but because me and pinkston are lonely. pinkston is jealous because the kitten is smaller/marginally cuter than him when he isn't dressed up. pinkston is now called "mister fantastic" because i'm sort of lame and like to dress up my animals and take pictures of them sitting there undignified in stupid costumes. it's how i feel powerful. he has a bomber jacket and a basketball jersey. i'm knitting him a red, white, and blue "rabbit tube" so he will really be Mister Fantastic. cats are really hard to dress in anything but bandannas or whimsical head attachments but maybe i'll make him a green cape.
i was vindicated as a senator. amanda newberg acting as a proxy of another senator urged the rest of the senators to not take me as their leader, but she immediately shut up when a giant fiery dragon (and his familiar, her self-proclaimed idol: kobe bryant) appeared and shoved his dick down her throat. she was last seen spewing the dragon's seed all over her fellow young college republicans, who recoiled in horror. i'm applying at senate pro tempore. yes, that's latin, and yes, i know parliament procedure (or, as we in the know call it, "parli-pro"). i'm not lying about her actually idolizing kobe bryant, but i am lying about all the dragon stuff, which is probably worse than any sort of degrading scenario i could think up. don't sue me bitch!
I found out from tirny that sasy's cats are gone because she left the door open in her apartment, and SOMEHOW [her emphasis or mine? O_O -Jhoh] the cats had escaped from her apartment. From her leaving the door to her apartment open. Presumably all day long, even when sasy is gone, the door to her apartment is just open for cats to leave. Which explains how someone would "break" in to her apartment, tear up all her underwear, and then jack off while spinning in 360 degrees about 900 times a second spraying jizz all over the ENTIRE apartment.
When sasy discovered her cats were gone, a full week after they had actually left, she was struck deaf and dumb (NOT DUMB, NO!) for an hour, then began going through every stage of grief known, including some which are essentially unknown. Then she went once more through the stages in the timespan of 3 minutes. Then she freebased an entire bottle of Jim Beam (or "Jhoh Beam" as she calls it for some reason I dunno) and injected powdered cocaine into her eyeball. She followed that up by breaking the bottle over her head and eating the shards. This may be yet another undiscovered stage of grief, or just an undiscovered part of one of the discovered stages. This went on for a week. The entire time her front door was still wide open.
She took up candlelight vigils standing at the open front door, praying to Vaal that newborn kittens, with their eyes not even yet opened who's only instinct formed in their tiny baby cat minds was to escape from sasy's apartment, would just sort of come back on their own somehow, because cats always return to people they've known for around 10 hours, lovingly with forgiveness and caring in their hearts, and this knowledge kept sasy's heart warm (there's the gallons of vodka, that enters into it too). Maybe if she screamed their names (which she made up on the spot since they had not yet been named before escaping) from midnight until 5 in the morning it would help remind the tiny tiny kittens to suddenly become not squished under truck tires on the road, and go right back home, since any creature identifies with any place they've been in for more than 5 hours to be their home right? She was so stoic in her task that not even repeated police beatings and being shot directly in the face with canisters of tear gas would deter her, because she FIGHTS THE POWWAS THAT BE.
Eventually nothing happened, so she got a new cat. The end!
PS: her fake ass breast implants are lopsided because they're fake implants, and she's fat.
Current mood: horny
Current music:Anal Cunt - Dumb Fat and Gross (CRED +1)
And then she replied.
MMMMMM fat and implants 8)
(Anonymous)
2005-11-12 01:56 am UTC
dear jhoh,
this is sassy commenting with helpful points of clarification!
my two cats, commodore and vicious (who i have had for two years) ran out when i was going to get firewood from the car. i left the door propped open because the door is very heavy and shuts on itself, and i'm a weak girl INCAPABLE of opening doors with my feet. then i went inside, shut the door, and went to sleep! a huge mistake, yes, because the cats must have ran out.
when i woke up the next morning and found them gone, the first thing i did was go around the apartment complex for three hours! then i went to kinkos and printed over seventy-five color posters! then i put them all up! unfortunately, there's coyotes everywhere where i live, and after two weeks, i started to get sad and lonely without them, and so did pinkston (you remember him, right? he's doing great but he's a little fat, more of him to LOVE)
after those two weeks, i figured i'd go to the humane society and adopt a kitten! a kitten who was found in an apartment- abandoned and dehydrated. such a good deed 8). i never gave up on commodore or vicious (which were full grown, and not kittens) and left food out there for them every night.
thank god that commodore came home! INTERESTING (HM YES) that you say they were kittens because you've seen them during all our previous camjack moments (so much goofy charm). i understand that these things can slip your mind what with your awesome job and driving taking up all your time, so i won't hold this explanation of events against you, much like i don't hold anything else against you, because you're obviously crazy and cruel.
best wishes
sassy
Wow best wishes, that is very nice WAIT A SECOND |
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