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by foolio 10/07/2004, 10:14pm PDT |
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Sorry, I know someone here loves/enjoys playing this game, but it sucks. This is like that movie that your friend said was "the best movie he's ever seen," but you've seen the previews, and you know that it can't be as good as he claims. But you go anyway. Does the movie suck (highlight for spoilers)?
OF COURSE IT DOES.
I've died something like fifteen times. I know this, because after a few deaths I started sequentially naming my characters "loser1-10". They all died. At first I carefully picked the character's name, class, gender, race, and alignment. A few character deaths into the game and I realize that it doesn't matter which class you pick--healer or barbarian, they're both going to die when they meet a Something Lord creature. Tourist (and oh isn't that a marvelous idea, a Tourist class, ha ha ha, what would the D&D dungeon master say to THAT! formulate your own punchline, etc.) or Archaeologist (like Indiana Jones, he carries a whip--I think that's supposed to be funny too)--all classes suck. You're not going to be able to outrun anything, so just sit down and take the punishment.
Let me say this again: I just died fifteen times, 'reloading the enjoyment from the ground floor' fourteen times more than I wanted to. I'm not sure why this game is so popular, as it is more frustrating than an adventure game (!!!!), but I have some theories. All of my theories involve Linux, by the way.
So back to the beginning. My interest in NetHack was piqued by this *TOP DOG* rating given at the Underdogs, and a slobbering review comparing this game favorably (can you believe this?) to Diablo. Now listen, I know what you're thinking--and the review on the Underdogs has already said it for you. THIS IS NOT ABOUT THE GRAPHICS. I don't care. I really don't.
What I do care about is the fact that I've died fifteen times before I even managed to figure out how to use the gold I've collected! As far as I know, the purpose of gold is to fill up inventory, because I've never seen a shop. Diablo has shops, that you can go to anytime! How is this an RPG if I die fifteen times before I even see a shop?
Most of my anger isn't that this game sucks--which it does--but that every part of the manuals and such deal with situations that I don't manage to get to. BECAUSE I DIE BEFORE I GET THERE. Thus far, the only 'special' place I ever managed to go was to a Lesser Oracle, and that was only because I fell through 3 trapdoors in a row. Most gameplay manual advice is something along these lines:
"When in a shop, and the items don't fit the theme of a shop, that's probably a Mimic hiding." Oh yeah, shops--right. I've heard of those mentioned.
"You can hop on the backs of some of the monsters and ride them around the dungeon." Sorry, most of the monsters are too busy attacking me. Plus, what does this help? I was a knight once, and he had a horse, but he couldn't manage to get on the saddle. Whatever.
"When you're about to die, drink all potions and read all scrolls. It can't hurt." Uh, usually I go from 15/20HP to 0/20HP in one turn, so this really doesn't ever apply. Thanks anyway. While I'm here: all scrolls come unidentified, so you basically never know what they do. Also every item is potentially cursed. You can identify cursed items, but identify scrolls themselves aren't identified, so you really don't know what you have...in short this game sucks, again.
Typical of NetHack nerdery is this, a history of Polearms and their representation in the game itself. How does this help me not die within five minutes of starting each game?
Enough. After one hour (maybe longer?), I'm fully prepared to review this. It's too hard. Call me retarded, tell me to read the manual or the "absolute beginner's guide" (check and check), tell me I'm a little girl. But so far, this game compares unfavorably to Diablo in almost every way. The only reason you would contemplate playing this game is because the non-graphical version looks like you're doing work, at work. But if you're going to slack off at work, why not just play a text-based MUD/MOO/MUSH/whatever anyways?
So don't play this game, for any reason. It's all a big lie.
Speaking of massively-overblown nostalgia, there is new content on Gamespot for System Shock 2 (story at ShackNews).
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NetHack is gayness by foolio 10/07/2004, 10:14pm PDT 
Re: NetHack is gayness by curst 10/07/2004, 11:03pm PDT
This game can be simulated by taking thimbles and moving them on paper. by Creexul :( 10/08/2004, 12:21am PDT
Re: This game can be simulated by taking thimbles and moving them on paper. by anon 06/07/2005, 6:20pm PDT
Re: NetHack is gayness by Fussbett 10/08/2004, 12:31am PDT
Nethack is awesomeness by Daverd 10/08/2004, 1:05am PDT
Re: Nethack is awesomeness by anon 06/07/2005, 10:07pm PDT
Re: Nethack is awesomeness by Voyons Donc 06/08/2005, 11:10am PDT
Re: Nethack is awesomeness by Stu 03/18/2008, 3:21pm PDT
Re: NetHack is gayness by N 10/08/2004, 11:20pm PDT
Re: NetHack is gayness by anon 06/07/2005, 6:20pm PDT
Mischief Maker and I both hate it too. NT by whydirt 10/08/2004, 11:35pm PDT
Re: NetHack is gayness by anon 06/06/2005, 10:08pm PDT
Re: NetHack is gayness by mark 06/06/2005, 11:17pm PDT
Re: NetHack is gayness by Daverd 06/07/2005, 7:37am PDT
I so didn't reread this thread I didn't even notice the title of your post. NT by mark 06/07/2005, 9:25am PDT
Re: NetHack is gayness by anon 06/07/2005, 6:18pm PDT
Re: NetHack is gayness by anon 06/07/2005, 6:12pm PDT
"you're not hardcore enough for this game, go back to (simpler, more fun game)" NT by Defense of overrated indy games 06/07/2005, 1:23am PDT
Most arguments against nethack here are utter BS by Robsuke 07/11/2005, 3:00am PDT
I don't know shit about nethack, never played it, and it sucks. NT by Creexul :( 07/11/2005, 4:33am PDT
Re: Most arguments against nethack here are utter BS by Tony 07/11/2005, 4:40am PDT
Re: Most arguments against nethack here are utter BS by Robsuke 07/11/2005, 11:44am PDT
you're not hardcore enough for this game, go back to (simpler, more fun game) by Defense of overrated indy games 07/11/2005, 9:04am PDT
Re: Most arguments against nethack here are utter BS by Bill Dungsroman 07/11/2005, 12:32pm PDT
Re: Most arguments against nethack here are utter BS by Robsuke 07/15/2005, 6:37am PDT
Most arguments against nethack here are utter BS... BUT NOT ALL OF THEM! by Mischief Maker 07/11/2005, 5:10pm PDT
You're thinking about Nethack the wrong way by Daverd 07/11/2005, 7:51pm PDT
Lets put Nethack on a list with classic arcade games! by A Retarded Person 07/11/2005, 10:51pm PDT
Re: Lets put Nethack on a list with classic arcade games! by Daverd 07/11/2005, 11:21pm PDT
Re: Lets put Nethack on a list with classic arcade games! by bombMexico 07/11/2005, 11:53pm PDT
Re: Lets put Nethack on a list with classic arcade games! by Robsuke 07/15/2005, 6:31am PDT
Yeah, force everyone into "Ironman Mode", that's the ticket. by Worm 07/15/2005, 8:30am PDT
One more person to the pile officially makes this a gangrape by bombMexico 07/11/2005, 11:27pm PDT
Re: One more person to the pile officially makes this a gangrape by Robsuke 07/15/2005, 6:36am PDT
(actually, he's in denial about being 100% gay) NT by Robsuke's wife 07/15/2005, 7:25am PDT
Re: Most arguments against nethack here are utter BS by Entropy Stew 07/12/2005, 1:09am PDT
Re: Most arguments against nethack here are utter BS by Rafiki 07/12/2005, 12:13pm PDT
Re: Most arguments against nethack here are utter BS by Bill Dungsroman 07/12/2005, 1:20pm PDT
WHAT?! by Fussbett 07/12/2005, 3:31pm PDT
Jesus, did you drop your Molson or what? by Bill Dungsroman 07/12/2005, 10:05pm PDT
Re: Jesus, did you drop your Molson or what? by I need clarification 07/12/2005, 11:17pm PDT
OMG IT TAKES YOUR HALF INCH COCK 30 MINUTES TO RECOVER AHHAAA HA NT by BDRbot 07/12/2005, 3:49pm PDT
Re: Most arguments against nethack here are utter BS by laudablepuss 07/12/2005, 2:33pm PDT
Nethack is everything bad about cRPGs in your face with none of the good. by Mischief Maker 06/07/2005, 2:14pm PDT
Re: Nethack is everything bad about cRPGs in your face with none of the good. by Ice Cream Jonsey 06/07/2005, 2:59pm PDT
Also, as contracted by Ice Cream Jonsey 06/07/2005, 3:14pm PDT
Re: Nethack is everything bad about cRPGs in your face with none of the good. by anon 06/07/2005, 6:15pm PDT
Re: Nethack is everything bad about cRPGs in your face with none of the good. by Creexul :( 06/07/2005, 7:07pm PDT
Re: Nethack is everything bad about cRPGs in your face with none of the good. by Universal Plan B 06/07/2005, 7:38pm PDT
Re: Nethack is everything bad about cRPGs in your face with none of the good. by Creexul :( 06/07/2005, 7:43pm PDT
There are graphical frontends for nethack NT by Daverd 06/08/2005, 3:40pm PDT
Re: Nethack is everything bad about cRPGs in your face with none of the good. by Robsuke 07/11/2005, 3:17am PDT
video by Fussbett 07/11/2005, 5:27am PDT
you're not hardcore enough for this software go back to (simpler software) NT by Defense of overrated indy aps 07/11/2005, 9:05am PDT
Re: Nethack is everything bad about cRPGs in your face with none of the good. by Entropy Stew 07/12/2005, 2:37am PDT
Frawress Victory! NT by Thread announcer 07/12/2005, 6:00pm PDT
I enjoy fighting monsters, not your inventory/biological functions/interface by Mischief Philistine 06/11/2005, 8:08pm PDT
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