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| Rumble Roses review! by curst 05/25/2005, 2:43pm PDT | ||||
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| In fact, it's a two-tiered review, since the game can be approached on two fundamentally different levels! This is based on a rental, but I honestly doubt that my review of this particular game can be viewed as ill-informed simply because I didn't spend 50 hours playing the thing.
- Is it a good game? By T&A game standards, it's great! Of course that's saying very little, and RR falls way short of the WWE Smackdown games if you want wrestling action, so it's really hard to recommend as anything other than a rental. The controls are almost identical to Smackdown, and you can even see that THQ let Konami rip a bunch of animations from that series for use in this one. But RR is slower-paced. I could go either way on whether that's a bad thing - it's certainly more realistic, but is it more fun? Anyway, you won't find anything here that you won't find in Smackdown aside from some absurdly complex submission holds. The roster's incredibly small, and you can only have access to half of the characters at any one time - half of the roster is comprised of "evil" alternate versions of the 11 basic characters. SUCKS. Luckily, if you have a cheat device, you can unlock them all at once, but still - 22 characters? That'd be impressive for a Virtua Fighter title but not a wrestling game. While the list of fetishes (listed below) covered by the roster is pretty impressive, ut I can't help but feel that they're only scratching the surface. There are only two match types. This might be what made me glad I only rented it more than anything else. There's standard one-on-one matches, and mud wrestling. The mud mode is hugely disappointing, even though the effect of the mud oozing off of their bodies is sort of neat at first. No one slips around and "accidentally" loses their top or "accidentally" mauls her opponents' tits with her hands or anything. Doesn't help that the "mud" looks more like, I dunno, coffee with creamer in it? Anyway, the game can get very old very fast since there's nothing like the insane-stunt-heavy ladder and cage matches of the WWE games, nor is there anything even as basic as a tag-team match. The AI is poor even by wrestling game standards, which is to say it's effectively braindead. The storylines are absurd and rather amusing in a King Of Fighters way. There's a few genuinely funny moments, like the Mongolian nomad telling the cowgirl "your teats more magnificent than my sheep's!" or something along those lines. But the story mode is good once and then you're done. Thus I'd only rent it if you absolutely must play a new wrestling game with some sex appeal. I'm not sure it's worth $20. It's a great step forward for T&A games, but there's clearly much more progress to make. - Can you jerk to it so fiercely that your dick turns inside out? Unless your porn really isn't doing it for you anymore, I don't think RR will prove to be a great substitute. Things might be different if the braindead AI recognized how awesome the submission moves are! Some of those holds rank up there in complexity with the craziest Boy Scouts knot-tying techniques, and I dunno, that's pretty HAWT. I guess if you could jerk it to the Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon fightscenes between the two hotties, then you could do so here, since that's exactly what you're going to get (minus 95% of the insane acrobatics). Punches, kicks and the occassional bodyslam. Meh. Also, almost all the women sport stereotypical-anime-art looks - 95% eye, 5% mouth. I'm sorry, but that look is far creepier than it is sexy. The fetishes covered by the roster include: -fearless pro-wrestler babe/sluttly biker gang babe -innocent judo-expert jailbait/slutty judo-expert jailbait -spandex-clad female knight/humiliation-loving freak in latex devil's outfit -grim ninja/not-quite-as-grim ninja -nomad with broken English/empress who wears elegant (if remarkably skimpy) clothing and has broken English -cowgirl/corrupt cop -perky cheerleader/rebellious pop-grunge rocker -schoolteacher/dominant mistress with whip -slutty overly-friendly nurse/angry but still plenty-slutty surgeon -pop singer/pop singer wearing a lot less who uses a stripper's pole in her act -cyborg in business suit/cyborg in skimpy metallic armor. Again, that's a good start, but is it enough? I could probably enter random words into the Portal Of Evil search engine and come up with about 50 ideas for new characters if they choose to make a sequel. It doesn't help that in the WWE Smackdown games, you can use the create-a-wrestler mode to create customized T&A, so they'll probably suit your needs better if your only concern here is having a fun time at the jerk-it circus. The models/textures will be lower-resolution, but that's the only downside. The one feature RR has that might give it the edge over Smackdown-vs-RAW is the voyeuristic Gallery mode, where you can stare at one of the girls as she works out in the lockeroom or chills out at the beach. Again, not sure if that's worth $20 for me, but your story may be different because it is kind of naughty! |
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N.A.R.C. by 05/22/2005, 3:45pm PDT  So, worse than Postal 2? by 05/22/2005, 5:45pm PDT Was actually enthusiastic about it for five minutes or so by 05/23/2005, 12:22pm PDT Gamestop: $17.99 used. Thx for the wasted trip :( by 05/23/2005, 6:54pm PDT Re: Gamestop: $17.99 used. Thx for the wasted trip :( by 05/24/2005, 1:44pm PDT At least they didn't have a NARC display out, where people could see and laugh by 05/24/2005, 6:17pm PDT Re: Gamestop: $17.99 used. Thx for the wasted trip :( by 05/24/2005, 6:00pm PDT Rumble Roses review! by 05/25/2005, 2:43pm PDT Re: Rumble Roses review! by 05/31/2005, 9:27pm PDT Re: Rumble Roses review! by 06/02/2005, 11:53am PDT |
