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by Mischief Maker 08/22/2003, 11:46am PDT |
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How can you take the combination of pirates, ghost ships, ancient curses, aztek blood sacrifices, swordfighting, and make it all so Boring???
Johnny Depp: Batshit insane pirate who does all the heroics, outsmarting, amazing stunts, and funny lines, but isn't the protagonist for some reason. He's the one good thing this movie has to offer.
Orlando Bloom: Whines, pines, and nearly gets Johnny Depp killed several times throughout the film. So far it seems his acting repertoire begins and ends at "elf." It doesn't help that removing him from the script would only improve the film. I predict a future of fanboy conventions, sci-fi channel original series, and video game cutscenes for him.
G. Rush: Does well enough with the script he's given, but how scary is a ghost ship captain whose dastardly deeds never go beyond bending the rules for the pirate's code of conduct and whose sinister ambition is to eat an apple?
I think in its original form, the script probably kicked ass, but was watered down by commitee at disney. |
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