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Re: Something Slightly Lighter by Colonel K 08/05/2003, 9:06pm PDT
mrs. johnson wrote:

Thanks. Do you think I should remove the first paragraph or modify it to fit with the hallucinations? I do agree that making the coffee mug's dialogue more bland would increase the effect. I'll post a modified version a bit later.

the mrs.

Ditch it, but let the 'imposed reason' concept feed back into the rest of the story (like the second to last sentence). The coffee sequence would reinforce that point, but making your dialogue bland isn't what I meant; let the mug be intimidating and absurd at once. Maybe. Let it avoid or misinterpret Max's questions, and keep in the jive talking (but polish it up) so it evens out the coffee's ridiculous fallibility. If you keep it subtle, the coffee's final comeuppance won't be diminished.

That was my favourite part of the story. I can almost imagine the crappy special effects as it vanishes; the loud pop, the background shifting clumsily after the mug/no mug shots are 'seamlessly' blended.
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Something Slightly Lighter by mrs. johnson 08/05/2003, 5:40am PDT NEW
    Fluff. NT by Tung Chien 08/05/2003, 9:38am PDT NEW
        ? NT by mrs. johnson 08/05/2003, 4:55pm PDT NEW
    Re: Something Slightly Lighter by Colonel K 08/05/2003, 12:33pm PDT NEW
        Re: Something Slightly Lighter by mrs. johnson 08/05/2003, 4:46pm PDT NEW
            Re: Something Slightly Lighter by Colonel K 08/05/2003, 9:06pm PDT NEW
                Re: Something Slightly Lighter by mrs. johnson 08/06/2003, 3:37am PDT NEW
 
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