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| The Real Cancun (semi-review and AIM logs) by Fussbett 07/18/2003, 3:11am PDT | ||||
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| "No! I said you're going to the can, Coon!" is the punchline of a good joke I think about whenever I hear "Cancun".
THE REAL CANCUN is a movie that MTV spun off from The Real World, I guess, and it's got an R-rating, so it's like the ultimate reality TV show, but it's a movie. It starts off by introducing us to the cast of characters. The hot implant chick, the male model, the twins, the guy in emo glasses, and my favourite: the black guy named Jorel and his friend Tuvok. No no, his friend is named Bill or something. But the Jorel is true. In their introduction, Jorel really plays up his star qualities to the camera, pinching his red t-shirt off his chest as if to demostrate that it was a fine clothing item or that he was a star. It looked like very nice dyed cotton, so I'll have to give him that. Jhoh Cable: Watching teh Real Cancun. Jhoh Cable: THESE GIRLS ARE SLUTS Jhoh Cable: The girls in the wet t-shirt contest are total howars. Jhoh Cable: Especially the twins. :( Sanitario666: I should take a vacation to where there are more sluts. Jhoh Cable: Well go to Cancun I guess. Jhoh Cable: Some of these girls have issues though. Sanitario666: Sluts usually do. Jhoh Cable: Oh yeah and the guys too. Jhoh Cable: Yes. Jhoh Cable: I don't think I'm buff enough for Cancun. Jhoh Cable: Even the nerdy guy with emo glasses who never drank until Cancun apparently works out. Jhoh Cable: Chicks want him as soon as he opens the bottle. Sanitario666: That movie has a good message. Jhoh Cable: Yes. Jhoh Cable: Here's Snoop. :) Jhoh Cable: Oh my God these girls are shakin their asses. Jhoh Cable: They sure do like the dance where they butt slam guys in their dicks. Jhoh Cable: They like the butt action. :) Sanitario666: FREAK DANCING Jhoh Cable: All these girls are hot too. Jhoh Cable: Lots of titties but not a lot of ass. :( Sanitario666: No thongs? Jhoh Cable: Ass fetish. Jhoh Cable: Well there are some. Sanitario666: I just read a statistic that 1 in 5 people has an STD. Sanitario666: That was upsetting. Jhoh Cable: If you got to Cancun, you could probably start a collection. Jhoh Cable: They probably have every single STD ever down there during spring break. Jhoh Cable: Too much Blink 182 in this movie. :( Sanitario666: That's the worst kind of disease. Then later on in the week I watched the movie and played the part of Jhoh in the same conversation. conflictNo plays the part of me: Sanitario666: Some of the girls are crying because guys that they cheated or hoped to cheat with on boyfriends back home had sex with other girls. conflictNo: GOOD conflictNo: I like that Sanitario666: "What a skank is he!" -- "I've got a wonderful boyfriend at home!!!!" SOB SOB Sanitario666: They use the knowledge of the boy back home as the dagger to stab the skanky guy. Sanitario666: MY BOYFRIEND IS BETTER THAN YOU. Sanitario666: Meanwhile he just had sex with some hot chick, and he's like "whatever". conflictNo: It's probably safe to assume that if your girlfriend is going off to Spring Break without you, she's going to be getting plugged up, non stop Sanitario666: The girls don't think that. Sanitario666: This one girl just asked this other girl to continue their heart to heart talk about boys while she takes a shit. Sanitario666: "yeah, just keep talking to me while I take a shit" conflictNo: Girl! Sanitario666: In the new century, wet t-shirt contests became no t-shirt contests. conflictNo: We're a slutty generation Sanitario666: Everyone in Real Cancun hugs and shakes hands like cool black guys. Sanitario666: Everyone got really cool behind my back. conflictNo: Aren't there some cool black guys in that movie? Sanitario666: Yes, but I EXPECT them to be cool. Sanitario666: And do soulfull greetings. Sanitario666: But when the skinny kid from Missouri in emo glasses does it, it's scary. ...and INC was in another IM window... Sanitario666: "Should I tune up my guitar before we go out?" Sanitario666: SMOOTH MOVE BUDDY. INC: that makes me think of Belushi smashing the acoustic guitar in Animal House INC: "sorry." Sanitario666: The use of slo mo in this FILM VERITAE is outstanding. Sanitario666: The use of music: bad. Sanitario666: Also the most unironic dissolves I've ever seen. Sanitario666: "What kinda dicks you like?" Sanitario666: That's my new pickup line. INC: mine used to be one a guy used on this girl I knew in Vegas: "I want you to know... I've been tested, and I'm safe." Sanitario666: I need to go to Cancun. Sanitario666: ...with an MTV sponsored event. INC: yeah, lots of cameras help Sanitario666: Where should he put his bandana? On his arm or on his head? Sanitario666: See, I had a third option for that banada question. That's why I'm not there. Sanitario666: UPDATE: He put it on his arm, but then later moved it to his head. INC: choices, choices Looking back through these logs makes me realize that the movie made me want to go to Cancun very much. In retrospect I believe this is more to do with the movie than Spring Break itself... Sanitario666: I saw Real Cancun. Jhoh Cable: That's great! Sanitario666: At the end I'm watching the extras and there is one with this dude "Fletch". And I'm like WHO'S THAT?! Jhoh Cable: FLETCH FROM THE MOVIE FLETCH? Sanitario666: Then I realize that there are many people at the beginning too that I forgot about. Jhoh Cable: HE IS MYSTERIOUS Sanitario666: So yeah, there are like 6 extra people in that house that you'll spot once in a while. Sanitario666: But they're so boring and do nothing, so the film just edited them out. Jhoh Cable: What about the guy who brings his girl friend, who is not a girlfriend, but a friend who happens to be a girl, with him to Cancun for spring break? Jhoh Cable: And he doesn't fuck her cunt mowf and asshole? Jhoh Cable: They were pretty boring. :( Sanitario666: I laugh at that. Jhoh Cable: I was hoping the guy would fuck his friend, because you know he wanted to. Jhoh Cable: He wanted to pin her legs behind her head like Bugs fuckin Bunny and then pound her bush into oblivion. :) Jhoh Cable: And the girl was like NO WE ARE JUST FRIENDS. Sanitario666: He brought his guitar and his faggot songs and his MOUTH HARP + RACK. Jhoh Cable: He did a song about STDs. Jhoh Cable: And the 80s. Sanitario666: I like when he pulled it out just before leaving for the club. "Should I tune this first?" Sanitario666: SMOOVE. Jhoh Cable: WOW YOU SHOULD TUNE THAT (WOW) Sanitario666: Lots of people there needed me to punch them in the face. Jhoh Cable: Yeah, Cancun did not look that cool. Jhoh Cable: I felt like I could go there and be the coolest motherfucker. Jhoh Cable: And I wouldn't even need to take off my shirt. Sanitario666: Exactly. I would rock their world by just being me. Jhoh Cable: I WOULD BE THE MYSTERIOUS OUTSIDER (BY WEARING A SHIRT) Jhoh Cable: They would be each other. Sanitario666: They would pressure you to take your shirt off. Jhoh Cable: And then I would drink the hell out of them. Jhoh Cable: I would go Ozzy on them while they are more like Donnie and Marie. Sanitario666: I wonder if I would be the most beloved character ever if I punch people in that Cancun house. Sanitario666: I'd smash the guitar, and throw the harmonica into the ocean. Then I'd punch the spikey hair guy and shit in his tequila. Jhoh Cable: Smash the guitar against a wall and then go SORRY. |
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