Caltrops - Motherfucking News - Well, thank God for that

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by I need clarification 06/24/2003, 3:17pm PDT

Lizard_King wrote:

here

Mark Steyn wrote:

And now, inconceivably, Martha Stewart has stepped down as chairman of Martha Stewart. I don't see how that can work. Martha isn't an officer of the company, she's the product. Martha Stewart Paint is not paint in the sense that Sherwin Williams Paint (its distributor) is. If Sherwin had a serious crack habit and Williams was going out nights and cruising as a transvestite hooker, it wouldn't make much difference; you'd still have the paint. That's not the case with Martha's "Pressed Leaves" hue: She's not selling paint, she's selling Martha in paint form. Martha's products are like her gilded pine cones. You can't scrape off the gilding and pretend that what's left is unchanged in value.

Otherwise a pretty optimistic view of the other MS's situation, and I think a fairly likely scenario. That said, fuck Martha Stewart. She's (no longer) polishing the brass on the Titanic.

Our long, national nightmare is over. No longer will Martha stalk the streets, trading insidely and obstructing justice. I hope this is all we read about for the next year. At the minimum. At least we don't have to worry about Dick Cheney refusing to hand over the records of who he met with and when while deciding the administration's energy policy. To try and compare that kind of activity with insider trading and obstructing justice is absolutely laughable! HA!

And our minds will be pleasantly free from concern regarding the location and activities of Osama Bin Laden (you may remember him as the previous lynchpin of the Axis of Evil, before Martha ascended to the post). Does anyone remember Iraq? Not me.

I do not believe in personal redemption. Once someone has crossed over to the dark side of trying to game the speculative market (don't they know they have to keep Wall Street on the up-and-up, or it will be tough to sell the public on putting the Social Security fund into the private market??!) they're no better to me than OJ Simpson. In fact, they're worse. But if there is a glimmer of hope for Matha's soul, that glimmer can be fanned into a flame of burning brightness. We should send her to Afghanistan to supervise the nation-building (oops, sorry) from an aesthetic point of view. HA HA SEND MARTHA TO AFGHANISTAN!! Shit, I hope there's still room on my bumper for that sticker...