Caltrops - Cabaret Voltron - I'll be immortal. Or die trying!

Forum Overview :: Cabaret Voltron

by mrs. johnson 04/17/2003, 1:49am PDT

At the bottom of the Grand Canyon, four Jamaican immigrants are building a time machine. One is named Bill. He is the youngest. He worships the Irish and cannot satisfy his thirst under any circumstances. The oldest one is named Troy. Troy has a lengthy white beard and cynical ideals. He drinks tea for breakfast, and is a failing vegetarian. The two remaining men are twins named Poolside and Julius. Both are twenty nine years old. They are the muscle. Their conversation is currently heating up.

â€œThe way I figure it,â€ says Poolside â€œis if we donâ€™t actually clamp up the exhaust, it will work better.â€

Bill replies immediately. â€œShut the fuck up. Do what youâ€™re supposed to. Leave the thinking up to Troy and me.â€

Julius quickly launches to defend his brother. â€œWatch it there, Bill. Another remark like that and your nose is going to be on very close terms with your asshole.â€

Bill turns to Troy for help, but Troy is gazing off into the sky, or what small sliver is visible from the bottom of the canyon. Poolside sneers and continues to attach the bolts. The machine is only twenty minutes from completion. Three of the men have slowly become more agitated.

Bill snaps at Julius, â€œIf we werenâ€™t about to finish this fucking machine, Iâ€™d pull out my knife and gut you like a fish.â€ Bill is actually a fairly small man compared to the combined power of Julius and Poolside. The twins share a short chuckle before going back to work.

Troy finally speaks. â€œOk. Letâ€™s go over the plan one more time so you donâ€™t make any mistakes. After the machine is done, Julius and Poolside will travel twelve thousand years into the past. According to my calculations, a large deposit of gold that was excavated in 1826 will be completely unearthed then. It should be very close to where you appear. Load up and get back here immediately. Donâ€™t stay there for any reason. Got it?â€

The twins nod and go back to work. Bill is fiddling with the control panel, and has been doing so for the past three hours. His unquenchable thirst has been rising steadily. Suddenly, he vomits all over the interior of the machine. Poolside pulls him out before more damage is done, but as Bill jerks backwards, he chokes on his own vomit. He dies a few minutes later.

Poolside looks at Troy, who replies calmly. â€œCheck the equipment and clean it off. Iâ€™ll make sure he finished work on the control system.â€ While the twins scrub, Troy checks the controls and goes back to his gazing. Soon, the twins pronounce the machine complete and with Troyâ€™s permission, get inside the machine and attempt to travel back in time.

The following things happen, in rapid succession: The machine begins to tremble, as surges of electricity travel across the frame. Julius has a hand stuck out the window, and is promptly electrocuted. He dies within seconds. His thrashing body terrifies Poolside who attempts to exit the machine. He climbs out the window, as the machine transports back in time. Half his body is taken with, while the other half lands with a thump on the ground. He is dead within seconds from extreme blood loss and pain. The machine remains in the past having no driver to return it and follows the timeline of the earth forward with quantum speed. It stands at the eventual site of the Grand Canyon for twelve thousand years, and, as time catches up, appears again in the present. Taking Earthâ€™s slight angular variation into account, it appears about 20 feet off the ground, and 10 feet to the South West. Gravity quickly detects a new friend and pulls it downwards. The 12,000 year old, but well preserved, machine descends the 20 feet and happens to crush a slightly surprised Troy. The machineâ€™s presence for the past 12,000 years helped mosquitoâ€™s evolve much quicker, and they are now, on the average, a foot in diameter. Human kind is currently fighting the third man/mosquito war. We are winning.

the mrs.