Chris Clark wrote:


I've known her for a few months now. She came from the west with dreams of being a singer here in Nashville; not unlike so many others I have encountered here thus far. Her voice melts my heart, it is simply so lovely to hear that I could listen to her and not have another care in the world. She is absoulutly stunning and we just seem to make a perfect match. The first time we met we ended up hanging out all night and I hadn't seen her since till a party last Thursday when we agreed to all hang out last night. I had a fucking blast! She is just so amazing and there are perhaps way to many things that I could put down here right now about why I think she is so great. The way she's always looking out for me, her perfect smile, and she even said it herself "you're just like me"...

Problem: She has a boyfriend!

She moved here and kept her ties with this man from back home. She doesn't see him, they rarely talk, and how can anything work out when two people are 2000 miles away from each other! I've never made any move or any indication of how I feel. The funny thing is that we can both see it in each others eyes. The longing to be with each other is killing us inside, this I am certain. For once in my life I'm not going to push this issue with her. If this is meant to happen, it will on it's own accord. I just would hate to actually get to be with her knowing that I sabotaged anothers happiness to get there...

Query: Who am I?

That doesn't sound like me at all; at least not these days. The darkness has all but consumed me! I let it in order to possibly find myself again after losing touch with who I was. What I found deep inside the depths of my soul was a side of me that I never knew exsisted and now that person is who I am. There is no going back to what I once was. Once you start down the path of the dark side; forever will it dominate your destiny. Yeah, cheesy Star Wars reference buy I think underneath it all there is a deep theological signifigance to that universe. Anyway back to my point: what the hell is wrong with me then. Now it's become unatural to feel any kind of positive emotion. Passion is what drives me; a fire inside is what fuels me to go on. I gave in to my hate, my anger, my fear and now all that is threatened by this emotion called "love"...

Retraction: Perhaps I am mistaken.

Simply put love can never be associated with peace, harmony, or happiness. Love leads to anger, jealousy, fear, doubt, passion, etc. All things that goodness cannot or should not be; however love leads to one thing that evil doesn't like as well...

Chris Clark aka the KKK's Shaft wrote:


So I haven't seen her in weeks, I've been occupied with another woman. Perhaps for the best because she still is with her man, for now...

This woman I've been seeing has been wonderful but it's an entirely shallow "relationship" i.e. purely sexual like so many with me are. We've been having a great time but I need women to understand something: sex does not lead to me falling in love with you! In fact if I were to fall again it would be before sex happens. It comes down to the age old adage with men using love to get sex, women using sex to get love. That doesn't work with me, I'm sorry! I don't throw that word around unless I truly mean it. I don't need to use "love" to get sex, I seem to do just fine on my own. I just can't understand why so many think that intimacy will get me to fall for them. If you're following me, yeah two weeks of great sex and last night she told me she loved me...

Chris Clark pondering wrote:


Why?


You don't know me, nobody does really. They think they do but I don't even really know who I am half the time and I'm with me every second of the day. I didn't know how to take this last night. I kinda clamed up and realized that I have a very thick wall around my heart no doubt erected due to the atrocity suffered at the hands of my ex. I just couldn't say what she wanted to hear. So what do you think happened; she started crying. Fuck! I hate to see a woman cry because of me so the only thing I could think of to do is give her my St. Christopher medal and say "I love you too, but not the way you need me to" and left her standing there. I do not love her and I don't see myself ever with her, but I didn't know what to do. Perhaps that act of giving her something of mine, my sacred medalion that states St. Christopher Protect Us will give her some sort of satisfaction. I don't really know what that act signified but I intend to get another medal and the next female that comes my way that loses herself to me will recieve that exact same treatment...