So THAT just happened! wrote:

4 1/2 hours: installation

Holy shit. Even 50 gig Steam downloads never took this long. Of course Epic doesn't tell you how large the download is, or if you're even downloading any more because it just says "Installing" the entire time. The folder is saying 57 gig. What the fuck about this base as fuck XCOM clone is 57 gigs???


1 minute: waiting after hitting launch

So it can take me to a browser based 2k storefront for this LIVE SERVICE game. Jesus christ.

2 minutes: launching the actual game

Whereupon it takes me to ANOTHER live service store front, but this time inside the game! Mother fuck!

2 minutes: for the tutorial to load

3 minutes: bullshit cutscenes


The writing is so bad and lazy, it's one of those deals where you can predict every single line of upcoming dialog and beat.

You open with a bunch of HYDRA nazis opening the ark of the covenant, arranged exactly like Raiders. They open it for their death goddess to come out. One of them leans over the ark to look inside at the hand coming out. You know the hand is going to grab them and drain their life out.

The hand grabs them and drains their life out.

It cuts to all the nazis standing around nervous. "Oh, now she's going to kill all the nazis exactly like the ark did in Raiders."

The ark kills all the nazis exactly like the ark did in Raiders.

Then you go some ranch where Johnny Blaze is at a grave when Strange and Iron Man come up to him. Johnny looks exactly like Sam Eliot.

Iron Man comments that he looks exactly like Sam Eliot



jesus fuck