Forum Overview :: Tansin A. Darcos's Alter Ego

The Stockholm Syndrome of shopping by Commander Tansin A. Darcos 09/15/2014, 1:39pm PDT Gail Wallens: Author of "Hostage Terrorist, Terrorist Hostage: A Study in Duality." Dr. Hasseldorf, what can we expect in the next few hours? Dr. Hasseldorf: Well, Gail, by this time the hostages should be going through the early stages of the Helsinki Syndrome. Harvey Johnson: As in Helsinki, Sweden. Dr. Hasseldorf: Finland. - Die Hard To quote John McLane, "It's the Stockholm Syndrome, asshole!" in which kidnap victims sympathize with their captors. Which brings me to the latest form of torture imported from Sweden, the IKEA chain of department stores. The huge layout and the way they are arranged with a serpentine single path to go through both floors, bring new meaning to "combat fatigue" as the average customer dragging themselves through the store hasn't been on a shopping trip. Traveling through an IKEA is more reminiscent of the Bataan Death March. Taking a page out of the military, the first thing you encounter at IKEA is the cafeteria, with quite reasonable prices on a good selection of tasty items, allowing you to load up on food before traversing the jungles overgrown with merchandise, as you traverse the badlands, machete yellow IKEA store bag in hand, so that you can forage for supplies. (They also have regular shopping wagons, and for people picking up assemble-it-yourself furniture, flatbed carts.) Many of IKEAs products are excellent value. I bought a standard 8" circular wall clock at Family Dollar, which I thought was a pretty good deal when I bought it for $6 or $7 a couple of years ago. Almost identical (outer frame is translucent whit instead of opaque white) white wall clock I bought last week, same size with sweep second hand at IKEA: $1.99. I have two of them in my room plus my original clock, so that no matter where I'm facing there's a clock in front of me. Set of 10 IKEA yellow AA alkaline batteries were an additional $1.99, comparable to about $6 for Energizer or Duracell at Target or just about any store. When you get to the register, you have to turn in the yellow plastic bag, and you can get regular bags or you can buy a reusable bag. Now these are not like those $1 "reusable" cloth bags most retailers (Dollar General, Home Depot, Target, and grocery stores) push on you, or a nice plastic one you can get at Trader Joes. First, IKEA's reusable bag is 59c, second, calling it a shopping bag the same way you'd refer to other place's bags is an understatement. It's like when Mick "Crocodile" Dundee (in the movie of the same name) is accosted by a punk with a switch blade who says if he doesn't give him his money he'll stab him with his knife. Mick looks at him thoughtfully, then says, "That's not a knife," then whips out a giant Bowie knife about as large as a scimitar, and says, "now that's a knife." An IKEA shopping bag is large enough to carry home a microwave oven. I am not kidding. Going through an IKEA from Second Floor Cafeteria all the way to the elevator or escallator, then down and through the first floor to the miles of shelves of assemble-it-yourself furniture, to the cash registers and finally to your car, can be an overwhelming experience. But, like dying, it's probably one of those things everyone should try at least once. Yeah, IKEA gives you a really painful and long dragged out experience, then causes you to like them for it. Just like the Stockholm Syndrome does to captives, IKEA does the same thing to shoppers. Maybe it's because IKEA is also a Swedish import. Oh, which reminds me, I think I'll try visiting an IKEA again soon. I still haven't had the opportunity to try the Swedish meatballs at the cafeteria yet. But the baby back ribs are outstanding.

The Stockholm Syndrome of shopping by Commander Tansin A. Darcos 09/15/2014, 1:39pm PDT     Paul reviews Ikea, tries to be funny by Eurotrash 09/15/2014, 2:31pm PDT         Will you shut the fuck up for once and let this man do his thing? Jesus Christ, NT by you don't have to reply to EVERY SI 09/15/2014, 2:42pm PDT             Hmm. Just for once? Just this one time? by Eurotrash 09/15/2014, 10:56pm PDT             Eurotrash can't help it, he's a mindless zombie corpse-shell NT by Commander Tansin A. Darcos 09/16/2014, 4:19am PDT                 With a rather untidy front yard. Not popular with the neighbors either! NT by Eurotrash 09/16/2014, 11:10am PDT         Eurotrash proves once again he's a mindless zombie corpse by Commander Tansin A. Darcos 09/28/2014, 12:12am PDT             Haha, wall of insanity. We're back to normal here by Eurotrash 09/28/2014, 3:09am PDT                 Correct and accurate representations of reality. We're back to normal here by Commander Tansin A. Darcos 09/30/2014, 8:59am PDT     TOMES OF TDARCOS: The IKEA Archipelago NT by Designed in Sweden, Made in China 09/15/2014, 10:40pm PDT