Caltrops - Castle Wolfenstein

Forum Overview :: Castle Wolfenstein

by Hans Clastorp 06/14/2014, 12:57pm PDT

I think this review is slightly hyperbolic. But only slightly.

The writing was good, but it's greatest virtue is that it didn't make me feel like a dumb idiot asshole for playing a game about shooting robot Nazis and eating dogfood, which is kind of a triumph. The narration and voiceovers were really well done, the intro at the sanitarium was fantastic, and none of the characters were grating or regressive. Even the retard!!! Pretty amazing.

The only bit I thought was clumsy was the sex scene, but even that was only action-movie clumsy, not unwatchable video game horseshit. It made me laugh when BJ said something schmaltzy like "I wish we could stay like this forever...<3" after fucking her on the dirty counter in a pantry. Haha. Anyway.

I also didn't think the ending was as successful as you did. Maybe at the end of a Nazi murdering rampage I wanted to feel a little more upbeat than the sort of tear-jerker they seemed to be going for. Maybe it was just the music I had a problem with. Instead of plinky whispery sadtime music maybe something with a bit more crunch. I dunno. It also would have been cool if we had gotten to actually see the climactic event instead of an abrupt cut to black.

I would also have liked to maybe wear that ass-kicking superjew suit, instead of, you know, giving it to the helicopter pilot.

pinback wrote:

Let's call it "Actually Serious Sam". Though the settings and enemies wind up getting goofy beyond belief, it is BJ Blazkc-- BJ Blasco... It's the main character who makes this such a stirring experience. There is no wisecracking or clever quipping. There is a quiet man in a struggle against pure evil, recalling all of the lessons in his life to achieve this final victory. The writing, particularly BJ's narration, is EXQUISITE, and if ICJ's opinion is that the writing in Portal is the LEAST we should accept, I believe this game is worthy of acceptance.

More than that, it is the first FPS (or really any action game) I've seen that actually knows how to tell a story. Give some nods to technology, which is now able to make games look and sound pretty much exactly like movies, but give nods to the production crew as well. Though the story is naturally paper thin, it is told in a way that when the (beautiful, remarkable) end credits roll, you might actually feel an emotion in response to all that you've been through. Magnificent.

And even more than that, it is just a great shooter. You run around getting health and weapons and killing Nazis and Nazi robot-y things. Just like you did the first time. For all its high-technology glistening production sheen, the gameplay itself is remarkably and thankfully faithful to the game that started it all. No crafting. No multi-layered stories all going on at the same time. No open world. Just the next set piece to fucking blast your way through, and the guns and deaths and enemies here are among the more satisfying you're likely to find in the genre.

Also the Meshuggah guitarist plays part of the soundtrack, and the scene that it's used in is the most fun you'll have on a computer this year, without question.

Basically, in my opinion, I have played the best two FPS games in the genre's history, and they both bear the name "Wolfenstein". One gave birth to an entire form of entertainment, and the other one comes pretty close to perfecting it.

I thank you for your time.

(Although it is kind of annoying finishing a game and then seeing "completion: 47%". Remember when finishing a game meant you were at least halfway through with it?)