Caltrops - Motherfucking News - Regular POE is best written off at this point.

Forum Overview :: Motherfucking News

by athodyd 04/04/2005, 3:56pm PDT

FABIO wrote:

athodyd wrote:

My absolute last hope for redemption is that all the people giving him serious advice and encouragement are just hoping to get him to the point where he actually starts modelling real 3D downs-syndrome Chinese people.

The Veon Prism forum used to be the most hillarious thing I've ever read on PoE in the past 6 years. But it was so much better when everyone was making fun of his ineptitude. The "fan art" used to be people dissing him by saying "look at all these non-professional artists who are ten thousand times better than you". Now it's all just gushing about Sass Girls X or whatever that lactating were-cow comic was about, and serious collaborations with the man. The tone is so sweet and supportive now that I've lost hope. Tell me it's all part of some elaborate setup to build Imari up then pull the rug out.

No fun arguments, no interesting trolls, dominated by basically interchangeable posters fuming about JDR or Faithmouse or how not all SCADians are this fucked up or one time I met Gary Gygax and he let me beat off in his beard OMG. There aren't even that many great featured sites any more--the last one I remember that really knocked me on my ass was Grandpa deSade, because who can say no to a 70-year-old man in a cowboy hat pointing a toy gun at his tiny withered penis? I basically just go there to skim the LJ random image generator forum for animated gifs and then hit the random site feature in search of an exhibit that hasn't shut down yet.

The Imari thing is probably one part people who want to actually be able to buy a book full of Imari writing, grammar, and ever-evolving fetishes and quote it forever, to four parts people who are cheering him on because HEY NICE IS NICE YO. I plan on buying the book if it ever coalesces (last I heard he was becoming intrigued by the fast-paced world of male models via some competition at his neighborhood mall) and my excuse is that any joy I get from mocking him is bound to pale in comparison to an actual paperback book full of musclebound milk fetishism.

AND!

I was in a chat prank with one other POEr back when Imari was coming into #portalofevil.com semi-regularly where I was pretending to be a nubile, naive young stripper who had been accidentally exposed to nerve gas by her Christian Identity pals and now spent most of her time on their ranch trying to chat up hot black men on the internet and occasionally having severe spastic episodes. It was during this time that I learned the following about Imari:

Imari is 22 years old
Imari lives with his parents
His mom is a psychologist (!!!!)
His mom is a "stupid bitch"
He still uses Maya PLE (free crippled version of Maya that is missing advanced features and renders everything with big fat Alias watermarks on it) suggesting that despite three years of study at an all digital-media college he doesn't know enough about computers to pirate shit/didn't make any friends that he could grab cracked warezzzzzzz from
His mom is a psychologist
After about a week of talking to the girl I was doing the chat prank with (she was playing it mostly straight, although she did mention that she broke up with her old boyfriend because a horrible motorcycle accident left him too ugly to date) he was entirely ready to move back to Florida to meet her and presumably go from there to getting it on
Sass Girls X is his last chance to redeem himself in the eyes of his parents. One of which, I reiterate, is a psychologist.

So yeah, I have stalked my prey for so long that I could no longer tell where I stopped and he began and the hunter became the hunted and we entered endgame and I basically began feeling sorry for him. I also became convinced that nothing I could do to him could be as funny as what the mysterious forces of Fate and Imari's own apparent mild retardation subjected him to on a daily basis.

Also, poking around for my own logs of the Imari chats I found a link to Shmibbon's grand overlog of all the times he came into chat and hilarious shit started happening. Click on the reason for why Imari got fired from Red Storm's game testing division to be taken to a hugeass fucking text file:

Imari Yohance Stevenson wrote:

Red Storm, basically wants you to be a quiet lowly game tester and tries to discourage your ass from rising up, so THEY won't loose their job.

RISE UP! FIGHT THE POWER! GREP THE SOURCE TREE FOR GOTO'S AND SWEAR WORDS