Caltrops - NBA Jam - The Bill Simmons Files

Forum Overview :: NBA Jam

by Ice Cream Jonsey 05/14/2010, 8:12pm PDT

All right, posting is down, visits are down, it's time to start the phase of Caltrops's destruction called Garbage Day. We are going down, but we are taking people with us.

The most unreadable sportswriter on the planet right now is Bill Simmons. A smug, pampered douchebag who probably has a Google Alert to notify him of threads like this. The best place to read the most horrible things about him (or anyone else in sports) is here. That site would be okay, except the moderators get butthurt if you post twice in a row without editing your original post. They are too stupid to run a web forum properly, but they've managed to not delete the server, so who am I to talk.

We're getting into the action late, as Simmons has been terrible for a long time. His latest idea is this:

Bill Simmons wrote:

When LeBron shot his first set of free throws during Game 3 of the Boston series, I was disappointed that the Boston crowd didn't chant either "You're a fa-ker! You're a fa-ker!" (to tweak him about his injured elbow) or "You're gonna leave! You're gonna leave!" That's when I realized something: Thanks to Twitter, we could mobilize crowd chants almost to the minute during playoff games.

For instance, let's say someone created a Twitter account called @CelticsChants (just for fun, I did it) and became the go-to chanting coordinator during games. Before Game 3, I post the tweet, "Chant for first LeBron FTs: 'You're a fa-ker! You're a fa-ker!'" Then, during garbage time, I post another one: "If LBJ goes to line again, chant, 'You're gonna leave! You're gonna leave!'" Even if 500 people at the game were following that account, wouldn't that be enough fans to get those chants rolling so everyone in the stadium joined in? Just for fun, I'm trying this for Game 6 in Boston: www.twitter.com/celticschants.

Just for fun, he did it!

He wants to try to co-ordinate "chants" during a fucking Celtics game. WHAT AN ASSHOLE. No matter what happened, he was going to call it a complete success. Here's his tweets from that account:

It's Twitter, and I killed this website, so excuse them being in reverse chronological order:

Mission accomplished - the last chant was deafening. Thanks so much to everyone who participated + spread the word. Next up: Orlando.
about 24 hours ago via web

I think we just go with the "New York Knicks!" chant for LBJ's free throws in 2nd half. Everything else = not enough momentum.
7:30 PM May 13th via web

HowardBeckNYT
Bill Simmons' @CelticsChants is working. Lots of people chanting "New York Knicks" when LeBron was at line this qtr.
6:38 PM May 13th via web

Retweeted by CelticsChants and 66 others
New chant: "Bring back Shaq! Bring back Shaq! Bring back Shaq! Bring back Shaq! Bring back Shaq! Bring back Shaq!"
6:42 PM May 13th via web

Looks like this failed. Oh, well - we gave it a shot. Always knew it was far-fetched.
6:27 PM May 13th via web

Have to keep 'em simple so non-twitter fans can catch on. RT @mmthirty3 Suggested chant 2 is weak! I expected more outta u simmons!
5:44 PM May 13th via web

FYI for Game 6: We'll add in-game ideas during some timeouts + the halftime break. Lemme know if cell/PDA service inside the service is bad.
5:43 PM May 13th via web

Suggested Chant No. 3 (sarcastic singing when Shaq's at FT line): "Koooooooooooo-beeeeeeeeeeeeee! Koooooooooooooo-beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee."
5:40 PM May 13th via web

Suggested chant No. 2 (Mo Williams at FT line): "Rondo's better! (Clap clap clap-clap-clap.) Rondo's better! (Clap clap clap-clap-clap.)"
5:37 PM May 13th via web

Suggested chant No. 1 (1st Q, any time LBJ is at the FT line): "New York Knicks! "New York Knicks! "New York Knicks! "New York Knicks!"
5:36 PM May 13th via web

First 3 suggested chants coming at 7:30pm ET. Stay tuned. Debating if "Where's your neck? Where's your neck?" (for Shaq) should crack top-3.
4:46 PM May 13th via web

Best idea so far: LeBron at free throw line, crowd chants, "M-S-G! M-S-G! M-S-G! M-S-G!" I love this.
10:27 AM May 13th via web

Wouldn't a simple "NEW YORK KNICKS! NEW YORK KNICKS!" chant work for LeBron's first trip to the FT line? That gets in his head... right?
2:31 PM May 12th via web

Now accepting ideas for Chant No. 1: Game 6, Cleveland at Boston (Thurs. night). Post your idea with @celticschants at end.
9:39 AM May 11th via web

He knew it was far-fetched! MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. The thing about Simmons is that he is ALWAYS right. For decades, the true assholes at sporting events were the desperate-for-attention manchild cretins trying to start the wave to impress some stupid bitch. Well, move over bacon, it's time for something douchier: the guy who is holding up some Sidetalkin', trying to tell everyone, "No, no - no!!! It's M! S! G! Come o- guys, come on! The PHONE SAID SO!" Losers. This is what you've become, Celtic fan. This is who you are now.

the dark and gritty...Ice Cream Jonsey!