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| Dick test by Quétinbec 01/09/2010, 11:00am PST | ||||
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| I had my dick tested today. I'd put the test off with all kinds of excuses. The funniest excuse was on Tuesday - I had fuck all to do that day, so I went for a wank in the toilets at work (the wank was to one of my students. Except for her nose (which is like a gnome's), she's perfect). Maybe 10-20 seconds after I'd cum, someone came into the bathroom. I was worried they could smell my cum, so I waited until they were quite far into their shit before leaving my stall so they wouldn't be able to catch and identify me (assuming they'd smelt the cum!). Yes, it's crazy, but why take risks with this kind of thing.
Anyway, I put it off that day because I had visions of them identifying traces of cum as they scraped along the insides of my dick, and then giving me shit about irresponsibly remaining sexually active while affected by an STD, and I'd have to say, "No, no! It was just a wank!" and then they'd screw their face up at me. Fuck that! I went to the best private hospital. The lady at the reception asked what was wrong with me. I told her about my ankle and said I had a few other things I wanted to talk to the doctor about as well. She asked me about those other things, but I wasn't prepared to tell her. She said if I couldn't be more specific, I'd have to go to emergency to see a GP. I went to emergency. A nurse asked what was wrong with me right there in the lobby in front of everyone! The staff were all Filipino, Indian, and Arab. There were many white foreign patients waiting within earshot. I said, "My ankle and a few other things." She told me to wait. Eventually, a Filipino nurse took me to a semi private room. The door was still open, though, so people walking by could overhear me. The quality of the facilities was poor and a lot of the medical staff were dressed like shit. Their uniforms looked faded. This shit costs a fortune. Where does the money go? She was quite a pretty Filipino. I told her everything. She looked a bit disgusted when I went into details. This was offputting. Aren't these bitches supposed to hear about this shit every day? She said they had had one other guy with this problem and they had sent him the urolegy ward, so maybe I should go there. One other guy?! Anyway, I asked her about VISA issues and insurance issues and shit like that, but she didn't know shit and didn't seem the least bit concerned. She was like, "Yes, you lose your VISA for some infections" Fuck her. She told me to wait for the doctor on a bed in another room. The door of that room was open to the lobby, too. The doctor eventually comes in. He's a fat Arab in another faded white coat. Unacceptable. This shit cost me $400. Bleach your fucking coat. I tell him I have two problems. I tell him one is quite embarrassing. He makes no effort to put me at ease. I tell him about my ankle first. He says ankles shouldn't take any more than 5 days to heal, which is bullshit according to the internet and almost every other human being. Where the fuck did this guy get his medical degree? After, we get through with the ankle stuff, which is really just a smokescreen, I say something like, "The next issue is quite embarrassing." When I was planning this, I'd decided to tell everyone I'd had unprotected sex with a Canadian girl in Oman two months ago. That was my line. It was only when I was about to tell the nurse this that I realized how strange it sounded to mention unprompted that the girl was Canadian. I guess I was expecting someone to say, "Who was she and where was she from?!" Perhaps they do that after they diagnose you with something. So anyway, I say to the doctor, "About 2 months ago, I had unprotected sex with a girl and a few weeks later, I noticed a burning sensation when I peed." Then, the doctor! He puts his shoe up on the bed so his leg's between me and the door (which is behind the curtain) and he leans forward on it and asks me some question! I can't remember what his question was, but what the fuck kind of thing is that to do?!?! It was fucking unreal and quite frightening because he looked disapproving too, and basically from that point on, I decided I wasn't going to tell this guy shit. What the fuck? I thought MAYBE I'd get some shit like that in a public hospital if I was very unlucky, which is why I went private. What the fuck's he putting his shoe on a hospital bed for anyway? What the fuck kind of thing is that to do after someone's just told you some embarrassing stuff? It totally threw me. It was the kind of think I worried would happen, but never really thought would happen. It didn't get any worse than that, though. He got upset at me because when he asked the question, "When you urinate, where does it hurt: in the middle or at the end?" and I was like, "I suppose it hurts in the middle of my penis", and he was like, "NO! I MEAN AT WHAT TIME! Towards the end?! At the start?!" Settle down, you fucking asshole. He asked me if my dick was discharging any white fluid. I said no, which is true, now. I think it was at one point, though. I didn't tell him that, though, or about my asshole leaking or bleeding becausehe was a fucking asshole and I wasn't comfortable talking to him. He said he'd send a nurse to take a urine sample for the urologist. He said I probably had a urinary tract infection. The nurse came and also wanted to take a blood sample. Why do they need to take blood for a suspected urinary tract infection? What kind of hospital fucking plays games with you like this? If you want to test me for HIV, just fucking say so. I decided it couldn't hurt to be tested for HIV. If I've got it, I'm fucked anyway, so what does it matter if they send me home. It's not as if I can refuse to give a blood sample, and maybe the urologist really does need a blood test and I'm blowing things out of proportion. Long story short: the urologist couldn't find anything. The doctor gave me some powder to take for my dick. He said if the burning persists after 5 days to come back and they'll fish about in my dick. He was nicer to me after the hour it took to do the tests. |
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