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| Re: Initial Impressions by Ice Cream Jonsey 12/31/2009, 5:20pm PST | ||||
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Fussbett wrote: I played the "Concrete Jungle" or something mission a couple nights ago. I was asked to take out three dope dealers by marble mouth there. They came scurrying into an alley like rats, and I rammed one of them with Jacob's car. I got out of the car, turned, and shot the second one, close to me. I turned again and picked off the third before he disappeared from view. At this point, GTA4 is the greatest game ever, etc. Well, they had to fuck it up and make it a multi-stage mission. Today's lesson was COVER. And they can't just say, "to use cover, hit right shoulder button." First, they have to put a stupid icon that is too small for my TV there. JUST SHOW THE WORDS 'RIGHT SHOULDER BUTTON,' THIS ISN'T FUCKING PICTIONARY. Then we have to go through the motions of me using cover. Well, I unload my weapon into some asshole, and he just keeps firing his shotgun at me. He's been in wars! I haven't been, so I die and of course there's no checkpoint. Rockstar is simply undoing the "magic" I enjoyed before and making me hate everything. It takes me forever to do it all just right. Once, I complete the objectives of the mission, and get to the first aid kit. I don't notice that being near it makes my health go up, seeing how it didn't completely fill my health bar. So in pressing of the 14 buttons on my controller, hoping that one of them is "pick up help," I shoot it. Get a load of this shit: a cop hears me discharge a weapon and silently skulks up to the house. He slaps cuffs on me, peacefully, as I leave. I couldn't believe what happened. I mean, the radar showed him walk up to the front door, and I was expecting a shoot out. All because GTA4 leaves the goddamn first aid kit box around instead of removing it from the game world when used. There's 40,000 controls, it makes Spy Hunter seem like a slot machine, and yet not one of them is "take first aid kit." Well, eventually the thousand monkeys get it right and it auto-saved. I got into a cop's cruiser and saw that it mentioned something about a crime computer. I like crime computers in video games! There was one in The Circuit's Edge and I spent lots of time trying to type in various names of various characters. I gurgled with pleasure when it had a listing for the author, George Effinger. The GTA4 crime computer had nothing for Niko, Roman, Vlad, Johnson (as in Carl) and Claude. Motherfuckers! But I saw that it listed SOME names as it mimed scanning the database, and it had a slight pause while running through them, which was probably there to maintain proper gameplay speed between the 360 / PC / Wii / Ti 499-A versions and the molasses-fucking joke that is the PS3. I saw the word "Leo.' I input Leo, and a Leo came up. This Leo guy seems like an asshole! I instantly wanted to shoot him in the face. The GPS was going to have me go over a bridge and visions of an exciting shootout raced in my young and foolish mind. I'm very early in the game, and was disappointed to see the bridge closed with lots of cops around. I didn't have a wanted level, so I thought I'd pop over and say h- yeah they blew me away without warning. FUCKING GTA. Hunting down criminals in a giant city with a cop car and the constant temptation of hookers sounds like a lot of fucking fun. I want it noted that I am only putting up with these other assorted flavors of awfulness like running tasks for Vlad so I can unlock the entire city and hunt bad guys. I hope the designers put themselves in the game in this respect, because it would work on two levels: they'd find it a fun easter egg they can show off to their friends and family, and those of us with a fourth grader's understanding of game design can nod sagely at how criminally they're fucking these games up. ICJ |
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