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| Living in a cave by Quétinbec 12/22/2009, 10:33am PST | ||||
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| In Bahrain, if you're due to receive change at a checkout, a Muslim girl will drop the coins from a few inches above your hand because she's not permitted to make physical contact with you. There are lots of little things like that which you think don't really bother you much and you get used to them. But, on my first day in Turkey, after I bought some razors, the Turkish lady placed the change directly in my hand so that our fingers and palms made contact and I was startled and moved! How sad is that!
There are a lot of other things I've gotten used to in Bahrain, too. Women shuffling about and waiting on men, talking meekly, and generally being pussies. Whereas here, Women are swaggering about, telling people to fuck off, throwing their hands around when they get excited, etc... Normal things, but I'm staring at it happening in public and thinking it's strange. They're wearing boots, too! I haven't seen a women in boots in 4 months! I used to be in love with a Romanian girl. She spent a lot of time with me, and I feel she knew me well enough to make an informed decision about whether I was worth her while. She decided I wasn't. Among her complaints was that I was too girly. Do you know what I did to get back at her and the world for her thinking I was too girlish? When I arrived home, I learnt to sew. Do you think she gave one fucking shit about that? Of course not. I didn't even have the balls to tell her. She got married. Still, now I can make a nice pair of shorts. And when I get back from this shithole, I'm going to make some fucking great shorts and I'll probably feel pretty good about it. So there. I'm living in a cave at the moment. Actually, it's more a chimney than a cave! It's quite weird. I'll show you pictures later. I've been living here by myself a while now and I've been thinking. I'm very lonely and desperate at the moment. I've never been alone for this long before and it will be at least another week before I meet my friends for New Year's. Maybe you can't tell, but I'm actually quite a clingy person. Clingy people have a bad rep because most of them are fucking shit. Fair enough. I don't think I'm shit, though. What I've been thinking about mostly is this http://hub.witness.org/en/node/208. Well, not THAT precisely. I want to go to Damascus to have sex with fully grown Iraqi prostitutes. With Saudi's sopping up the child prostitutes, and 1.4 million Iraqi's unable to work legally, there must be a SHITLOAD of beautiful Iraqi whores in Syria. I've heard as much from Arab friends. In fact, Syria's the talk of the town! It's the hottest place in the Middle East! Normally, this whole thing would be no big deal, but lately, I've been wondering if I'm a bad person. I don't know why exactly. I used to be able to do 'bad' things and not freak out too much about it. Maybe I'm maturing! But doing this: I mean - it would probably happen over Christmas and I can't think of a worse possible way to wake up on Christmas morning than in some shithole hotel in Damascus with an Iraqi prostitute! Surely that's crossing a line! What's my alternative, though? If I went to Damascus with any other agenda and that shit happened on the side, I wouldn't feel so bad about it, but I'm going there soley for that purpose. I couldn't give a fuck about anything else going on in that city. I guess it's my goal until then to convince myself I'm going there for other reasons. So, I'm in this cave, and maybe it's just because I'm in a cave and I'd be blowing anything out of proportion because there's not much else to do in a cave by yourself but be reflective, but I really do think this is one of the bigger decisions of my life. Either I be a good person and sail with a group of people on a small boat in the Mediterranean, or I be a bad person and go to Damascus to fuck whores like a total disgrace. If I go to Damascus, then where will I draw the line? Will I be fucking ladyboys in 6 months time? I feel I'm getting a little out of control. If I don't go, am I needlessly making myself miss out? Because I know I'm not going to stop whoring. I have a girl from Taiwan coming to stay with me sometime early next year, but until then, I'll be back at it because I feel the world owes me at least that much. And I can only say three nice things about this Taiwanese girl. I'm interested in her almost only because of her money. Pathetic. I'm going to try really hard to love her when she's here, though, and I feel that desperate at the moment that I'll probably believe as much when it's all said and done. I used to have these moral dilemmas with my porn, too, back in the day. I'd have these inspired moments where I'd decide I was never going to wank again and I'd delete my entire collection to show myself I was serious about it. Of course, I'd be wanking to lingerie adverts within a week of the deletion. If I went sailing, it would just be another pointless demonstration of restraint. I wouldn't be impressing anyone so why bother. Anyway, here's how I decided to go to Damascus: Last night, a Japanese lady in her early 40's winked at me as I left a restaurant. She had big tits and would have been very attractive back in the day. I spent much of the night thinking about her, and even made a few trips in the snow around the centre of the village hoping to run into her! Tonight, I went to the same restuarant at about the same time and read a book by the window in the hope she'd return. I dragged my meal out for an hour and a half, but she didn't show. Of course she didn't. Why the fuck would anyone hang around in this village in this weather as long as I have. I felt really sad though, so I went to the bus company and booked a ticket to the Syrian border. And that's that. I feel quite frightened about this, though. I'm going into it blind and ignorant with nothing but bad intentions on the holiest day of the Christian calandar. Syria's pretty fucked up. I really don't want to do this. If only the weather wasn't so fucking shit here or that Japanese lady had shown up. How pathetic. |
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