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by Fortinbras 11/26/2009, 10:19pm PST |
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You know, aside from the repeatable CRASH BUG that occurs just before the final scene every fucking time.
It feels like it made the same mistakes plot/presentation wise that Modern Warfare 1 did. An interesting premise and set-up, then a holy-shit-whoa Michael Bay style FUCKING EXPLOSION and lots of shit BLOWING UP and you're like WHOA, followed by a fairly fucking mediocre car chase (boat chase?) finale. The plot holes and what-the-fucks just stack up as the game goes on. I'll admit, it's hard to top the insane explosions, but I was really hoping to fucking burn down Moscow like the dude promised at the end of the D.C. mission. Instead you're subjected to a fairly unimpressive crawl through a big brown complex and a boat chase. Only now they've apparently hired Hollywood writers to explain the why. I'm not going to spoil it for you, no wait, I am, because it's a cliche. AMERICAN DUDE YOU'VE BEEN LISTENING TO THE ENTIRE GAME SELLS OUT COUNTRY FOR NEBULOUS REASONS AND YOU'RE OUT FOR REVENGE. It's the same goddamn tease again and again with Infinity Ward. I have to believe there's some guy on the storyboard team with a KERRY '04 sticker in his cubicle who just masturbates furiously to all these dead American soldiers who never EVER get to retaliate in the manner of shit that gets slung at them in these games. The Nazis didn't do nearly as much in real life and I get to storm the fucking Reichstag in nearly every WW2 iteration of a Call of Duty game. When the fuck do I get to bomb the shit out of the Kremlin? I guess Marketing thought that would anger their potential buyers in Russia so much that they'd raise the normally 90% rate of software piracy in Russia to 99.9%. Also, THERE ARE NO FUCKING DOGS. Well, there are, but you get to snipe all of them beforehand. I don't know if this is some subtle nod to the fact that having to snap dogs necks was one of the most controller-throwing frustrating QTE's in MW1 or what.
To summarize:
The parts where you play as an Army Ranger - Awesome. In spite of Infinity Ward's apparent sadism towards the U.S. armed forces, these levels are the best choreographed, the most visually impressive, and the ones with good plot points. It's basically post-Cold War Tom Clancy porn. Red Dawn in the suburbs of D.C. But that's fucking awesome, so it's ok. Also ripping off of Michael Bay's movie The Rock should be done more often and I whole-heartedly approve Infinity Ward's blatant plagiarism.
The parts where you play as Roach - Also pretty awesome, though they reuse a LOT of ideas from Modern Warfare 1. Hey, where do I remember having to fucking defend a tiny house against a shitload of enemy soldiers somewhere in the Caucuses and then make a mad dash for an evac chopper from? The crawl through the shithouse slums of Brazil was about the only controller-throwing moment I had in the entire game
The parts where you play as Soap - Shit. Mix one part Pripyat Escape, one part vehicle chase finale, and one part unimpressive complex crawl and you have a pretty fucking low-key embarrassing ending. In fact, the last level is almost SCENE FOR SCENE the same as Modern Warfare 1, only after crashing your ride you stab the motherfucker in the eye instead of blowing his fucking brains out.
The Rangers get more action than they did in the first game (MAYBE IF INFINITY WARD HADN'T SPENT FIVE HOURS ON A FUCKING HISTORY LESSON OF UKRAINE, I DON'T KNOW), so I guess all in all, the sequel is an improvement. 4/5
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