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by Zsenitan 05/17/2009, 8:45am PDT |
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Yesterday I went to this FEMA emergency planning certification course being offered to animal services volunteers. I know, right?! Someone has to be there to make sure that there are enough lifeboats for all the cats.
There were 30 other cat ladies in the Multnomah County official services building and 4 cat dudes, all white. I mention that they were all white because it's important a little later on and also because it's funny. We all waited for a half hour as the FEMA official and class instructors nervously checked the doors leading to our conference room. A man rushed over to the elevator, disappeared, and came back a few minutes later.
Finally the lead instructor made an announcement: the certification class was cancelled for today. We were locked out of the conference room, nobody had keys or a contact for the keys, and there was no backup plan.
I was standing next to one of the instructors during the announcement, and I mentioned quietly that, you know, it's probably not the most advanced lock in the world, and someone could probably get the door open. You know, like a problem solver might. A person who solves problems might solve this problem that way. Like in a video game except real.
White things happen here:
"Oh, no." He replied. "No we wouldn't want to do that."
Nearby eavesdropping cat lady: "Oh my god, you mean pick the lock?! It's a county building!"
Her friend: "They might send a SWAT team!"
Welp okay guys. So nobody got FEMA certified; class will reconvene in a month. |
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Zseni gets FEMA-certified (jk) by Zsenitan 05/17/2009, 8:45am PDT 
You'd have to be pretty white to get away with carrying lock picks everywhere. NT by Jerry Whorebach 05/17/2009, 11:10am PDT
like dexter NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 05/17/2009, 11:21am PDT
Or a survivalist, or someone really into emergency planning (also white people) by Zsenitan 05/17/2009, 11:36am PDT
Unless you're a repo man. NT by Creexuls, a monster >:3 05/17/2009, 11:52am PDT
So not only were you going to pick the lock, you were going to do it with a torq by wrench cut out of a coke can? 05/17/2009, 1:04pm PDT
"Torsion". A torque wrench is something different. NT by Ray of Light 05/17/2009, 3:20pm PDT
Often called a torque wrench or a torsion wrench. A tension wrench is a tool use by Wikipedia 05/17/2009, 5:28pm PDT
Also a torque wrench is used to measure/limit the amount of torque applied NT by McMoo replacing head gaskets 06/03/2009, 3:57pm PDT
Always problems, never solutions! This is how you guys fucked up New Orleans too by Zsenitan 05/17/2009, 5:06pm PDT
The complexity of a lock is determined by the number of pins, not the weight. by The More You Know 05/17/2009, 8:40pm PDT
Total PMA by Zsenitan 05/17/2009, 9:04pm PDT
Wrong. A heavy lock is one that's hard to cut through. by The More You Know 05/17/2009, 9:33pm PDT
Mysterio's Frictionless World NT by Zsenitan 05/17/2009, 9:44pm PDT
Where is this theoretical Heavy Lock? On a battleship? NT by The More You Know 05/17/2009, 9:57pm PDT
What? (laudablepuss) by Zsenitan 05/17/2009, 10:05pm PDT
Speaking of alternate worlds, apparently we're back in the one where every by group contains an expert lockpicker 05/17/2009, 10:15pm PDT
You're avoiding the point, which is that you read a wikipedia page and think you by Zsenitan 05/17/2009, 11:00pm PDT
it was funny NT by up with pod people 05/17/2009, 11:07pm PDT
Guessing? I already told you what kind of lock it is. by The More You Know 05/17/2009, 11:29pm PDT
Maybe I should join you in reading the wikipedia page for that too. NT by Zsenitan 05/17/2009, 11:44pm PDT
Don't bother, you wouldn't understand a word. by The More You Know 05/18/2009, 12:18am PDT
Hahaha linked from wikipedia. NT by Zsenitan 05/18/2009, 12:20am PDT
Did you really spend this much time doing this? Talk about not understanding. NT by motherfuckerfoodeater 05/18/2009, 7:38am PDT
Please tell us what PMA means. NT by Quétinbec 05/17/2009, 11:42pm PDT
"Pay More Attention", something Choson said to me when making a needless correct NT by Zsenitan 05/17/2009, 11:44pm PDT
More PMA fanfic, plz NT by Entropy Stew 05/17/2009, 11:45pm PDT
positive mental attitude NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 05/18/2009, 12:14pm PDT
yes apparently all survivalism revolves around hurricane katrina now NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 05/17/2009, 9:54pm PDT
YEAH AND BUSH SUCKS NT by "BUSH SUCKS" GUY 05/18/2009, 5:55am PDT
I heard from a reliable source that boosh doesn't care about black people NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 05/18/2009, 11:59am PDT
I'm a little slow, so let me see if I have the joke straight by I need clarification 05/18/2009, 12:46am PDT
INC on Aqua Teen Hunger Force: "What!? Fries can't talk! They can't fly either." NT by Zsenitan 05/18/2009, 1:05am PDT
tell her about how bad the fire was NT by Weyoun Voidbringer 06/04/2009, 10:32am PDT
So what's your zombie apocalypse survival plan NT by Wade Davis 06/04/2009, 10:16am PDT
First, form a small group to act as a metaphor for the human condition... NT by Last 06/04/2009, 10:19am PDT
Re: Zseni gets FEMA-certified (jk) by H1N1 06/24/2009, 2:13am PDT
Re: Zseni gets FEMA-certified (jk) by Mysterious Stranger 06/25/2009, 2:49pm PDT
Re: Zseni gets FEMA-certified (jk) by The Caltrops Art Gallery 06/25/2009, 3:50pm PDT
Re: Zseni gets FEMA-certified (jk) by H1N1 08/06/2009, 11:16pm PDT
Statute of limitations has expired on these posts, so I can't be charged with cr NT by Zsenitan 08/06/2009, 11:22pm PDT
I know this is mostly irrelevant since Zseni doesn't give a shit, but... by Fortinbras 08/07/2009, 1:36am PDT
assumes a child mortality rate of 0% NT by gruman 08/07/2009, 2:01am PDT
.63%, close enough NT by Fortinbras 08/07/2009, 2:08am PDT
you figure if they can make it one year, they're pretty much golden? by gruman 08/07/2009, 2:25am PDT
Child mortality rate is also less than 1% by Fortinbras 08/07/2009, 3:32am PDT
You're a huge faggot for caring about this argument NT by gruman 08/07/2009, 3:41am PDT
I agree! NT by Fortinbras 08/07/2009, 3:42am PDT
he is also wrom i mean wrong by gruman 08/07/2009, 12:42pm PDT
i mean gruman NT NT by gruman 08/07/2009, 12:47pm PDT
gruman NT by gruman 08/07/2009, 1:06pm PDT
You're almost as fucking bad as Lizard King. Almost. NT by Fortinbras 06/25/2009, 2:54pm PDT
Re: You're almost as fucking bad as Lizard King. Almost. by H1N1 08/06/2009, 11:17pm PDT
Re: Zseni gets FEMA-certified (jk) by motherfuckerfoodeater 08/07/2009, 6:59am PDT
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