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| As I've told Jerry many times, whores! by Quétinbec 03/27/2009, 6:11pm PDT | ||||
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| Here's how you'd earn maximum points in a game about losing your virginity to whores:
Empty your wallet of all important bank cards and licences. If whores cost $30, carry only $50 in your wallet but make sure the $50 is in enough notes to equal any price (you won't get change) but not in so many notes that you look rich. Hide any money you need for the train ride home or an emergency hotel in your waistband. Have no intention of fucking whores on your first walkthrough of the area and let this knowledge calm you. Walk through the area on a weekday evening at a reasonable time so you can pretend you're passing by accidentally. As you pass through, you'll become frightened, but just remember you're only here to scope the place out. If the embarrassment becomes too much, pretend to text someone as you walk, but as you glance up every 5 seconds to make sure you don't step in a gutter, make a note of whore numbers and locations and generally soak as much in as you can. You'll probably mostly see pimps on a weekday, but if you see whores, get a load of their beauty so even if you puss out completely and disgracefully, you can masturbate to their memory back at your hotel. Once you're at the end of the street, do NOT return back the way you came. The pimps and whores will abuse you for being a retard and you won't be able to face them tomorrow when it's time to act. Instead, go down whatever alleys or side streets are there. Don't worry about being murdered. That only happens in movies, and besides, your life isn't so great anyway. If you do feel you're capable of fucking a whore on your first walkthrough due to some sudden burst of adrenaline, great. If not, return to your hotel. Once back at your hotel, think about all you've seen and be a little bit proud and ashamed of yourself. Think of what you'll do tomorrow. Your approaches, etc... The pimps will recognize you and that will be embarrassing, but you'll never come back to this city again. It can fucking burn! The next evening, maybe drink quite a lot of alcohol to make it easier for you? The whore will be used to it if you can't get an erection and you can pretend your limp dick is due to her ugliness to make yourself feel better. I used to drink lots and was made fun of for the stink of my breath and my inability to cum within the allotted time. If you are drunk, you won't care. Maybe you want to be sober for your first time, though? Yes, that would probably be better. Anyway, make your run at 10:30pm or an hour when all normal people won't be around to look down on you, but not so late that you're only left with a handful of whores. If you can't stand the thought of honest people being around, you can come really late. Even if there are no whores then, there will always be a couple of pimps and they will wake a whore up and have her scootered to you and you'll be able to fuck a sleepy whore! Mmmmm freshly woken! Sweet dreams, bitch! MMmmm, yeah! Here's a lullaby for ya! Etc... You'll be very frightened. Turn down the first few pimps with a smile and a laugh. You'll find it easy to laugh because of your nervousness so laugh hard and friendly so the pimp doesn't hold your rejection of him against you. Interacting with the first few will show you they're only human. Turn down the first 80% of the pimps on the street. This is partly to get you familiar with their propositions but mostly so you only have to walk past a couple of pimps on your way out after you've fucked. You'll feel very ashamed then, and they'll know what you've done so it will be hard to walk past them so you want as few of them remaining as possible. Hop on the train back to your hotel. You have just had sex with a prostitute! Deal with the range of emotions. |
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How would Caltrops design a game about losing virginity by 03/27/2009, 10:32am PDT  Aren't there a hundred Japanese games that already did this? :( by 03/27/2009, 1:11pm PDT As I've told Jerry many times, whores! by 03/27/2009, 6:11pm PDT Combines the planning of Rainbow Six with the qualifying laps of Gran Turismo by 03/27/2009, 11:19pm PDT A combination of Wii Fit DDR w Eye Toy, Rock Band and Hogan's Alley. by 03/28/2009, 6:31am PDT |
