Caltrops - Peter Molyneux's The Movies





	[quote name="Matt Damon"]Everyone wants to be the best at something. The top of their field. In a class of their own that nobody can touch. But people are also lazy. So they <a href="http://www.caltrops.com/article0002.php">fantasize about being an inherent genius at something without any effort or hard work to get there</a>. Everyone is bitter. What better way to scorn everyone than to be in demand and turn everyone down? What if you could combine all of this so that you were a natural genius at something that put you in high demand so you could brush everyone off? I first hit upon this in my breakout hit <i>Goodwill Hunting</i>, where I played a natural Einstein that floored the world's best mathematicians despite the fact that my character had never attended any sort of college. Just so it wouldn't be <i>too</i> unbelievable, we threw in a short mention of how my character became a genius from reading the ocasional library book (wink, wink). Remember, it's okay for your natural genius character to get where he is through hard work, as long as it's all off camera (a quick "training montage" will do in a pinch). Will Hunting just wants to be left alone, yet participates in huge publicity stunts so everyone will discover what a genius he is and be elevated into a position where he can blow everyone off. Everyone wants people to fawn over them, but at the same time seem like they don't. I get to stick it to "the man", in this case organized academia and the government. Despite being a hit, that movie lacked a certain something. The problem? Nobody fantacizes about being a mathematician. This is, until that doughy McGruff prettyboy Russell Crowe stole my entire premise with <i>A Beautiful Mind</i>. That's okay though, I ripped off the whole "natural genius wallowing in obscurity" thing from Tom Cruise. But the big difference is that Tom is always a whore for the system that gets forced out it and spends every waking second trying to claw his way back in, that fucking suckup. When will he learn that it's much cooler to be indifferent, like me? So what was the next step? Make my character a natural genius at something more glamorous. This is where my next movie <i>Rounders</i> came in. Everyone dreams of being a big winner at high stakes gambling. Here I play a natural poker genius who is impossibly skilled at psychically reading his opponents' exact cards. I also cover the "passive aggressive humble" attitude by showing everyone how I'm a genius at poker, but no one can make me play it and I brush them off when offered. The movie ends when my natural genius poker player character appears to have met his match against a Russian mobster, until it's discovered that the mobster has widly obvious body language that gives away when he's bluffing, something that any blue-collar joe and his poker buddies would have picked up on. On to <i>Dogma</i>. Okay, I fucked up on this one. But I still sort of got to play an inherently gifted character that refuses to utilize his talent so he can brush off "the man" (in this case, "the man" being Alanis Morissette). Okay, so then I had to start coming at this persona from a fresh angle, but how? How about instead of playing a falsely humble natural genius that uses his talent to act snide, I play a falsely humble natural genius that uses his talent for <b>evil</b>? Enter <i>The Talented Mr. Ripley</i>. Who doesn't aspire to being a millionaire playboy? I decided to take it easy for 2000. I coasted through the year with supporting roles in fluff like <i>All the Pretty Horses</i> and <i>Finding Forrester</i> (maybe they'd find him if they were <i>hunting</i> for that natural genius, Forrester. Having me starring in this was the only thing keeping me, Ben, and Chris Moore from suing). I even got bored one weekend and stopped by the studio to do voicework for some animated sci-fi flick. I forget the name, and so did America. Then I decided to relax and get in some golfing with my buddies Will Smith and Robert Redford. At the last minute Redford asks if it's okay to bring a crew along and film the whole thing to pawn off as a movie. "What the fuck for, Robby? We just want to play some golf." "That's okay," says Rob, "<i>The Legend of Bagger Vance</i> isn't about character or plot; it's all about golf." So we were sold, as long as we could just play some golf without having to worry about getting into character. And what better way to wrap up my vacation then a party at Clooney's place? The whole gang was invited. To welcome in the new year we all headed out to the Bellagio casino and had a great time. Some cocktail waitresses wanted me to act a scene for them, so I gave them a quick demo of my natural genius routine. I had been practicing some magic tricks so I went with natural genius pickpocket. A few months later Clooney told me that snake Steven Soderbergh had made off with the security footage of the party and turned it into a movie. I woke up six months later handcuffed to a bedpost with Ben and the worst fucking hangover of my life. I can't even remember what I did for late 2001 to mid 2002 and I don't want to know. It was while nursing this hangover that I caught an ad on TV for the latest Bond flick. "That's it!" I cried! What bigger casual genius in the history of cinema than James Bond? Everyone loves the flashy life of a superspy. It would be my biggest career challenge yet. Fuck Brosnan. That guy must be in his 50's. He was so busy bagging old hags like Linda Hamilton and Rene Russo that he wouldn't even see me coming. So I got off the phone with Doug Liman, and <i>The Borne Identity</i> was...born. Here, I got to play a man with no memory of who he was (or any hard work and training he had undergone to hone his talents) but somehow was able to naturally act like a genius superspy. Eventually I learn that I used to work for "the man" and they offer to take me back in so I could harness my natural talents. Maybe that sellout Cruise would have jumped at the chance, but once again I cooly brush them off. Then two year later I did it again. [/quote]