Caltrops - Beer, Curry and Vomit





	[quote name="Liz Enkittengasm"]Okay, I like a nice glass of wine as much as the next faaaaag, but as in all things, budget plays a role in my wine-purchasing decisions. So, now I'm out looking for sub-$10-bottle wines that are recommended by you winers, and I shall now wine a little myself. You will quickly gather that I know jack shit about wine, but you know I like the sauce, so you can trust me. <img src=http://www.palmbayimports.com/databaseimages/citra_montepulciano_small.jpg> <b>Citra <i>Montepulciano D' Abruzzo</i></b> <b>Price: $4.99</b> This bottle endeared itself to me by pimping its "concentrated berry flavors," "ruby red color" and the instruction that I enjoy it with pizza. I was thinking a bottle of this stuff and a Hot-N-Ready from Little Caesar's and I'd be ready for my TLC Shmuli Kills Your Kids Monday. The only problem was, this stuff is either skunked or it's just terrible. There may be a concentrated berry taste in there somewhere, but it's hard to taste it over the rubbing alcohol they added to grape juice. The cork kind of broke up as I was taking it out, though, so I'm tempted to suspect that it was a tainted bottle. Fuckin' health food store - first they don't know where the grape leaves are and then they sold me a bad tasting 5 dollar bottle of wine. (tentatively) <b>NEGATIVE!</b> <img src=http://www.leelanaucellars.com/season.jpg> (second from left) <b>Leelanau Cellars <i>Winter White</i></b> <b>Price: $4.99</b> Love the taste of box wine but are embarrassed by your white trash upbringing? Then you're in luck. If this stuff were any sweeter it would be a wine cooler. It's cheap as hell and tastes very good. This wine has the side benefit of being the favorite wine of the women at any party you bring it to. They get to pour it from a bottle into a nice glass and engage in droll conversations while experiencing pleasant sense memories of getting fucked up on Boonesfarm and letting a senior get to third base in the back of his Delta 88. Always a big hit with the ladies... AND ME. IMPORTANT SAFETY TIP: The Winter White is great, but the Autumn Red or whatever it is should be renamed <i>Headache In A Bottle</i>. Avoid Leelanau reds. <b>POSITIVE!</b> <img src=http://www.yellowtailwine.com.au/images/shirazgrenache.gif> <b>Yellow Tail <i>Shiraz-Grenache</i></b> <b>Price: $7.99</b> This is probably my favorite red wine at the moment. I also greatly dig their cab, which is drier. Although there are a great many red wines you can get for $8-9/bottle, Yellow Tail also sells a bargain priced 1.5 liter that my grocery store sells for $11.99. Six bucks a bottle is what I'm talking about - fuck that bourgeois Coppola shit (although that tastes good too!), this is the working man's thinking man's huge bottle of red wine. And it's pretty delicious, actually. People talk shit about the "bargain" Australian wines but I'm disagreeing. It may be unsubtle and fruity (not sweet, but you can taste the grape in there) - but after several glasses of the pricey stuff you can't taste it. This stuff lets you drink large quantities and still taste it. If you don't like to taste grapes you can get the cab which is, as stated, nice and dry. Yellow Tail is the discerning maintenance alcoholic's wine: affordable and tasty even after 5 glasses. (---They should put that on the label.) <b>POSITIVE!</b> <img src=http://people.csail.mit.edu/jrennie/wine/labels/115.jpg> <b>Charles Shaw</b> (various) The famous "Two Buck Chuck" is very, very good for the price. A friend of mine engaged me in a blind taste testr, and I preferred the Shaw cab to a bottle of cab that was over $20. He was trying to make a point, but the point made may just have been that we are both bores with unsophisticated palates. SELF-HATING TRASH. Seriously, I guess the dark secret of this stuff is not that it's the result of some bitter divorce or airline regulations, but that it's actually Franzia's prestige brand. (For the hoity-toity: Franzia is box wine, <i>as if you didn't drink it every day</i>.) I think Franzia might have cooked up some of those rumors themselves, so that people wouldn't associate it with their disgusting-but-compulsively-drinkable White Grenache boxes. The big negative on Chuck is that he's only available at Trader Joe's. People in my nexk of the woods bring it back from Detroit by the case, and they should. It's good stuff. (Tentatively) <b>POSITIVE</b> (tentatively because I've only ever tried the cab.) If anyone else has suggestions, I'm after any recommendations for cheap ass wine. I'm especially after a dry white that I can taste.[/quote]