Forum Overview :: Rants :: Ray and Fussbett compete for a job

[quote name="Fussbett"][quote]I'm looking for smart, funny, talented, writers to contribute to a new online media venture. Must have an authentic sense of mischief and a good brain. Please send an email wth your resume and a short description of your background. Looking to launch in early summer. This is a great opportunity for seriously funny writers who are looking to build an online readership. [/quote] <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> Ok, I'm listening. Who's this? <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> <a href="http://ottawa.craigslist.org/wri/157188421.html">http://ottawa.craigslist.org/wri/157188421.html</a> just some guy? <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> I'm assuming that building an online readership means "no money" <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> I guess I'll just link this guy to my favourite Caltrops posts. <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> I'm assuing you'll be writing comedic astroturf for marketing whores <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> Are you going to write this guy? <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> yeah I was just going to link him to the megaphone story <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> That'll be awesome that he'll read two different Caltrops posts. <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> I'll say that I can work with Ray of Light... OR I CAN WORK AGAINST HIM <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> I don't even know what that means. <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> ask first if his new media venture will be plot-driven <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> plots need conflict <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> Hmm, I don't know if I have a good post that isn't a video game review. <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> the blackout <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> oh yeah <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> <i>I felt a little mean for ruining this poor woman's night with a photo, so I also bought a package of M&M's. $1.20? Fucking Jews.</i> <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> Faux racism will cost me another job :( <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> Haha, I like that I was worried about the Jews line -- the whole last paragraph is black jokes. <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> Oh, I just noticed this... <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> <i>Compensation: TBD</i> <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> Delightful. <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> they probably have a pretty good idea already <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> Yeah "bullshit" <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> I hope your future employer reads your whole Megaphone thread, because I like my Burger King story in there too. ... <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> ok sent <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> I included the aim log where we make fun of "Compensation: TBD" <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> Sending my reply from my fussbett@sillymotherfucker.com e-mail is going to get me lots of bonus points. <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> My authentic sense of mischief is going to blow his mind. <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> a lot of guys out there are authentic OR mischievous <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> [quote name="Ray of Light"]Hi, I'd like to respond to your posting with one of my own: <a href="http://www.caltrops.com/pointy.php?action=viewPost&sid=1&pid=42427">http://www.caltrops.com/pointy.php?action=viewPost&sid=1&pid=42427</a> I realize that you asked for a resume, and that--in direct contravention of your wishes--I've failed to provide one. Instead, I'll save both of us some time by telling you that I have no professional writing experience. I have achieved all of my goals in my current (undisclosed) field, and now seek a change. Let my past success be YOUR good fortune. Contact me today. ADDENDUM: I can also work as part of a team. Demonstrative excerpt follows. ___________________________________________________________ sanitario666: Compensation: TBD sanitario666: Delightful. Ray of Light: they probably have a pretty good idea already sanitario666: Yeah "bullshit" sanitario666: As a production manager I now have to lowball freelancers all the time. sanitario666: Two weeks ago I was handed a stack of resumes for an assistant video editor we needed, and the instructions "Offer them $20 (an hour)" Ray of Light: haha Ray of Light: if they don't like it they can go drive a bus sanitario666: Their requested rates were on the top of each resume. None under $30, and I immediately threw out the ones who asked for $40. sanitario666: Imagine calling a guy and offering him half his requested pay? sanitario666: Jesus Christ, how about I quit? Ray of Light: it's basically telemarketing, only you're selling people on the idea that they have too much self-esteem [/quote] <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> haha <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> I'm going to say that you showed me the link, and like the good friend I am, I'd like to beat you to the job. <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> haha <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> I may malign you in my applicaiton. <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> go ahead, I included your "bullshit" comment <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> [quote name="Fussbett"]Hello, My AIM pal "Ray of Light" showed me your request for writing applicants, and I'd like to throw my hat into the ring, preferably on top of Ray's hat. That's not an allusion to homosexual sex, it's an allusion to me being better than Ray of Light. I've also been made aware that Ray of Light has pasted you an AIM log where I say that "Compensation: TBD" is "bullshit". That's Mr. Light being unprofessional as usual. I bet he didn't even include a resume with his application. This is the type of rule skirting that Mr. Light employs as his weapon of choice. In summary, I post all day on the internet under the pseudonym 'Fussbett' while I should be working at my actual job. My writing is of a nature that is often described as both smart and funny, and I can say without hesitation that my sense of mischief is authentic. When I call someone on the internet a "fag", they know it came from the heart, and they step right off. Wouldn't you love to harness this previously unbridled typing power for a compensation TBD? That seems fair to me. Please enjoy these links. I've tried to find writing that isn't weighed down by the myriad of in-jokes that appear on an internet forum, but if any part of the posts confuse you, please be assured, it's hilarious if you know the backstory.[/quote] ... <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> If I was hired I'd just repost all my writing to Caltrops anyway. Maximize the time. <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> haha <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> "you can also catch this over at some online media venture" <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> Cut to one of my personalities being accused of plagarism. <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> "Fussbett, you've clearly just copied this douchebag's words and added more "fags" and racism" ... <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> Haha, the writing guy wrote me back asking for 5 story pitches for his UNPAYING blog. <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> Fuck ----------------> THAT <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> Plus his writing is horrible. HORRIBLE, Ray. [quote name="Brad Listi"]Hi Fussbett, Thanks for responding to my ad on craigslist. As you know, I’m getting ready to launch an online media venture in early summer. The site is going to be called www.thenervousbreakdown.com. I’ve got a designer working on the layout right now, and I am in the process of finding writers. A bit about me: I’m a writer myself. My first novel, Attention. Deficit. Disorder. was published by Simon & Schuster in February. I live in Los Angeles. I’ve got a BFA in Film Studies from the University of Colorado and an MFA in Creative Writing from the University of Southern California. I teach creative writing at the college level. And so on. thenervousbreakdown.com is going to involve what I like to refer to as “peripheral citizen journalism.” We will make no attempts to be objective—in fact, thenervousbreakdown.com will be resolutely subjective. And it will be resolutely anarchic and strange. Much like the New Journalists, writers for TNB will be central figures in the stories they write. Please note: This is NOT going to be a straight satire of the news, a la ‘The Onion’ or ‘The Daily Show.’ This is going to be something altogether different. Writers for the site will not be paid. (At least, not at first.) This is an excellent opportunity for writers who are interested in amassing an online readership. As the readership grows, the writer’s cachet within the world of publishing grows (read: if you’re looking to parlay your online readership into a book deal, this is the place for you). Translation: This is a start-up. This is a dare-to-be-great situation. Most importantly, the site already has a built-in readership. I’ve been blogging extensively for the past year and have amassed a weekly readership of around 15,000 to 20,000 readers. I plan on directing this traffic to thenervousbreakdown.com. In other words, there will be an audience for your work from the start. And it will only grow. To view my blog, and to get an idea for how thenervousbreakdown.com will be formatted, please click the following link: <a href="http://www.myspace.com/attentiondeficitdisorderb" target="myspace">http://www.myspace.com/attentiondeficitdisorderb</a> All stories for thenervousbreakdown.com will follow the same basic formatting model: * All stories will be roughly 500 – 2000 words in length * All stories will be written vertically, in a text scroll type format (see my blog for visual reference) * All stories will contain strange, amusing links that function as edifying non sequiturs * All stories will contain photographs taken by the writers themselves; (3 x 5 at 72 DPI) (Read: to write for thenervousbreakdown.com, you must own or have access to a digital camera) As to the content of the stories, you will have plenty of creative latitude. I’m looking for depth. Odd profundity. Political screeds. Contemplative pieces written about the produce aisle of your local grocery store. A blow-by-blow account, complete with photos, of the removal of a troublesome mole from the small of your back. A story about a strange street performer in your neighborhood. A story about your aversion to centipedes. The story of a trip you took to a local wax museum. A story about a local concert. A story about a local riot. Etcetera. The idea is that the writers for thenervousbreakdown.com are not actual “journalists.” They are not credentialed members of The Media . They are people, at large in the world, writing about their experience. They exist on the periphery, not in the press box. They are not in the White House press room. They are standing next to a hot dog vendor on Pennsylvania Avenue. They are at large . Etcetera. If you find yourself interested in participating, here are the next steps: 1.) Come up with some pitches. Five to ten story ideas, each one summed up in five sentences or less. Make me laugh. Send them to me via email no later than May 19th. 2.) I’m gonna need first drafts of stories by May 28th. 3.) Don’t sweat the details. Don’t over-think this. This is punk rock, do-it-yourself, throw-a-bunch-of-shit-at-the-wall-and-see-what-sticks journalism. 4.) The idea is to have fun . The idea is for you to go out and do some interesting, random, adventurous stuff that you might not normally do. Visceral life experience. Brouhaha. Exploration. And so on. 5.) Get after it. Thank you so much for your interest. I appreciate it and look forward to hearing from you. Any questions, you know where to find me. Cheers, Brad[/quote] <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> Get after it <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> Be unto THIS <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> Read those blogs and start slamming your head into something. [quote]Last night, while showering, I was thinking about shampoo, and how my girlfriend is allergic to lavender, and how whenever I accidentally use a shampoo or a soap that has lavender in it, her face turns red and gets itchy and so on. And then I started to think about allergies in general, and I started to think about the human condition and general malaise, and then I started imagining a person who was allergic to everything. I started dreaming up this story wherein the main character is a person who is completely allergic to every possible allergin on planet Earth. The character's name would be Elmer and the story would be called Allergic to Life. Allergic to Life.[/quote] <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> Look at all that thinking he does. <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> He's the thinking man's Joe Yance ... <font color="red">INC:</font> you're not seriously going to work for this idiot, are you? <font color="red">INC:</font> voluntarily, for free? <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> No! No chance. <font color="red">INC:</font> okay, whew ... <font color="powderblue">Sanitario666:</font> INC carved on him for a good 20 minutes <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> he's a juicy target <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> this whole episode would make a good post <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> Ray and Fussbett apply for a job <font color="yellow">Ray of Light:</font> or "compete"?! [/quote]