Caltrops - Motherfucking News





	[quote name="I need clarification"]So I guess SOME people knew this already, but apparently there is no self-service gas in New Jersey. Which I guess isn't a big deal, but apparently the new, NON-gay governor tried to introdue the idea that maybe giving people the option to pump their own gas might help lower gas prices MAYBE. Of course, everyone flipped out: [quote name = "AP"]Corzine retreated after about 1,400 e-mails and calls poured in from a mostly outraged public. Concern about other state issues paled in comparison. A proposal to raise the sales tax by one cent, for example, received about 200 responses from the public, says Brendan Gilfillan, a spokesman for the governor.[/quote] I'm sure there's a connection from this to the issue of illegal immigrants somewhere. I mean, at what point do we become un-lazy enough to pump our own gas? Well, I guess it turns out it's not laziness at all: [quote name = "AP"]Assemblyman Francis Bodine, a Republican, says that after stopping at self-service stations in the South recently, he found that gas in New Jersey was the same price or slightly cheaper. "So I don't see any economic savings to having to pump your own gas," he says. "The flip side of it is ... there'd be some job losses." Besides, he says, "If I'm in a tux going to a black tie (event), I don't want to stop and handle a gas pump."[/quote] Well, that makes sense. Much like gay marriage, if one single station in New Jersey introduces one single self-service pump, it will threaten the well-being of every tuxedo'd dinner-goer in the state. Are we expected to behave like ANIMALS? But there is a public health threat, as well: [quote name = "AP"]Bill Dressler, executive director of the New Jersey Gasoline Retailers Association and Allied Trades, says there are safety concerns. While attendants are trained, many motorists would be novices. "It could be put in the wrong container," says Dressler, whose group represents about 2,200 of the state's 3,800 gas stations. There could be "somebody getting out and smoking and they didn't turn the engine off."[/quote] THE WRONG CONTAINER, people. I expect most of the problem would be people circling the same pump over and over trying to figure out how to get the tank lid side of the car closest to the pump. AND THEN getting out of the car, leaving the engine running, dousing the nearest cop with gasoline and flicking a cigarette at them like so much MIRACLE MILE. [quote]Not so, says Jim Benton, executive director of the New Jersey Petroleum Council, which represents the state's major energy suppliers. "New Jersey has the third-lowest motor fuel tax in the nation," he says. "People don't realize that while New Jersey gasoline is typically cheap, it's not because of a full-service requirement, but because of our low motor-fuel tax. There's no reason to suggest that prices would not be in fact even cheaper" at self-service pumps.[/quote] HM, that might make sense. But what about the tuxedos, Mr. Benton? Nonetheless... [quote name = "AP"]Even so, Amanda Darian, 18, didn't think it would be worth pumping her own gas, even if it saved her 5 cents a gallon. "A nickel? Nah," says Darian, a student at Monmouth University in West Long Branch. Even though she's going to have to work more this summer to pay her gas tab, she says, "I just don't want to get out" of the car. She has been to other states, and when it came time to fill up, "I didn't even know how."[/quote] Well, of course you didn't, dear. After all, a sophisticated state-traveller such as yourself has much more important things on her mind than knowing how to squeeze a gas pump handle, like how to get their hair even bigger.[/quote]