Forum Overview :: Cabaret Voltron :: Thanks.

[quote name="Colonel K"][quote name="mrs. johnson"] I like it, but you have to be careful about your descriptions. For example, the bit about the sun shining is too tame, it's dull even. I sort of understand how you are structuring your sentences and the descriptions, but you need to give them more thought and possibly make them more abstract to attract more interest.[/quote] I was hesitant to make it more abstract, for a few reasons. The narrator knows only as much as the story's protagonist, so I didn't want it concentrating on something Gerald wasn't. But you're right on the sunlight part; it's about the only time I use adjectives, and it sounds pissweak. Were the other descriptions tame, or just not effective?[/quote]