Caltrops - Cabaret Voltron





	[quote name="Rightbug"] Sammy The Trout Eats Cock -- or -- Set Builds A Really Neat Box "You got a light?" "Whazzat?" "A light. You got a light?" "Nah -- fucking car didn't come with a lighter. They wanted 60 bucks for it. Behavior modification, that's what it is. Ask Osiris -- he's the God of Light after all." "Yo bro," Sobek said, turning to speak over his shoulder. "You got a light?" Osiris had been gazing blankly out the window, lost in thought. He turned to look idly at his brother in the front seat. "Coffin nails," he said, lighting his brother's cigarette. "Those things'll kill ya." Sobek cracked his window. "We all gotta go sometime." "Yeah, well, it's your ass if Isis smells that smoke on me." Min who was driving, made the sound of a cracking whip. Osiris turned to look out the window again. "Whatever. Tell me again why we're going to Set's house?" "I don't know," said Sobek. "He's apparently excited to show us all something he built." "Probably another one of his fucking eclipses," mused Osiris. "He thinks that shit's funny." "No, his therapist's got him doing arts and crafts and all that shit. You know, putting his energy to constructive ends and what not." Sobek exhaled a line of smoke out the window, watching as the wind tore it away. "Anyway, you should just be happy that he's being civil again. You guys need to work your shit out." Osiris considered arguing his innocence in the ongoing feud but didn't see the point. "Mmmm... well, we'll see." ---- "So, what do you think?" Osiris studied his brother with suspicion. "It's a box Set." "Yes, but what a box! I mean look at it? Is it not beautiful?" "Well, yeah," said Min. "It's a real pretty box Set. What do you do with it?" "Well," replied Set, "you could turn it upside down and use it as a coffee table, or stand it on it's end and put shelves in it. Hey Osiris -- you could cut a hole in the top an let Horus use it as a tank or a fort or something." The brothers walked around the box, admiring it in silence. "I want one of you to have it," said Set. "A gift to make up for anything I may have done in the past to cause offense." Sobek turned to the God of Light. "Well, you see that Osiris? Isn't that nice? Your brother wants to give one of us this box." "Which one of us?" asked Osiris, his suspicion deepening. "Well," said Set. "I wouldn't want to be accused of playing favorites. I love you all so much. I'll tell you what -- why don't you each climb in the box and whoever fits it best gets to keep it." "The fuck you say," snapped Osiris. "I'm not getting in that thing. It looks like a fucking coffin!' "Now, now Osiris," chided Sobek. "Play nice. Look, I'll go first." Sobek lifted himself into the box and lay down. "'Bit roomy, eh? This is actually pretty nice. Get me some pillows and a blanket, I wanna take a nap." Set laughed. "Don't get ahead of yourself Sobek. It's not yours yet. Everyone gets a turn. Osiris? Would you like to try the box." Osiris approached the box warily as Sobek climbed out. "This better not be a trick Set." "My dear brother," said Set with a touch of hurt in his voice. "I'm a changed man. Prozak and all, you know. Could you hand me that hammer Min?" Osiris climbed inside the box. It was a perfect fit. Set slammed the lid shut and nailed it down. Min rolled his eyes. "Set! Jesus Christ. Isis isn't gonna like this." "Min, Min, Min. I'm just having a bit of fun. Hand me a couple of more nails if you would?" "I don't know man. I think you're on your own here. I was never here. Don't drag me into this shit bro." Min and Sobek left, their footsteps echoed by the pounding of Set's hammer. --- "All right Set you little shit -- what'd you do with my husband?" "Isis, how nice to see you. Come in, come in." "Cut the shit Set. Where is he?" Set strolled causually across the room so that the sofa was between himself and Isis. "Osiris? How would I know?" "What's in the box?" "What box?" "What box!? That box you idiot! The Osiris sized box taking up half your living room." "Oh that box. You think Osiris is in that box? I don't know. Take it if you like. I was gonna give it to you guys anyway. A gift." "Set if you've.... Oh forget about it! Why do I even bother?" Isis grabbed the box and tugged. "Jesus Christ! You couldn't have used Pine or something?" "What? I like mahogony. It's a dark wood." "Look, I'm going to go get someone to help me. You'd better not try anything while I'm gone. Give me that saw!" --- Isis, with Anubis in tow, returned to find the box empty. "Set! Where is my husband!" "Who?" "Osiris you little bastard. What did you do with him?" Set feigned innocence. "Osiris? Wasn't he in that box? I didn't move him. I certainly didn't cut him up into thirteen pieces the first of which can be found in Hackensack." Isis tossed her cell phone to Anubis. "Get my travel agent on the line. When I get back, Set, your ass is mine." "Have a nice trip!" --- Isis scratched her head and counted the pieces laid out on the table before her for a third time. "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve... What's missing?" --- "I swear, if I have to hear one more crack about 'Sammy eats cock' fish heads are gonna roll." Mike, a northern pike attempted, unsuccessfully, to hide his smile. "Well, you know, there is some truth to it. I mean, you did eat a cock." "I thought it was a small snake or a big worm or something." "Could have happened to anyone," consoled Mike but his uncontroled giggling betrayed his sincerity. --- Isis studied her handiwork with a critical eye and, still unsatisfied, brought her knife to bear on the head once again. "Still pining away for Dad?" "Not funny Anubis. There, done!" Isis held up the wooden phallus triumphantly. "Now help me attach this to the body. I'm going to trying blowing the life back into him." --- "How are you feeling sweetheart?" Osiris put a hand the back of his neck and rolled his head. "Still a little stiff, but better. Thank you dear. "Speaking of stiff, I've got a woody that just won't quit. What's up with that." Isis smiled to herself but betrayed nothing to her husband. "I'm sure I don't know sweety. Now you run along to work -- you're going to be late for your first day at The Underworld. I'm going to have a chat with your brother." [/quote]