Forum Overview :: Peter Molyneux's The Movies :: Pan (2015)

[quote name="Pirate Pirate Movie Review"]Pan is a remake of Star Wars, with all the names changed to ones from Peter Pan. It's also the first time I've ever finished a movie unsure if I'd just seen a rock opera or not. The cast performs like three songs over the course of two hours - Smells Like Teen Spirit, Blitzkrieg Bop, and one other I didn't recognize (not <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1ClCpfeIELw">Breakfast at Tiffany's</a>, though that would've been worth at least one star on its own) - they all come before the midpoint, and I don't think they even finish them? That's not enough pop songs for a musical, way too many for Star Wars with public domain characters. Speaking of Breakfast at Tiffany's, this time they got a white girl to play traditional racist stereotype Tiger Lily. There was no winning that one. But how did they find the only American actor on the planet with what I'm 100% sure is a fake American accent to play Captain Hook? Not the Captain Hook you're thinking of, this one's Han Solo to Princess Lily's Princess Leia and Peter Pan's Luke Skywalker (he literally walks in the sky once he masters his magic powers). The Captain Hook you're thinking of is called "Blackbeard" here, and is exactly Darth Vader, right down to being interrupted with his mask off in his regeneration pod. Since the file name didn't specify, I spent the whole movie thinking I was watching the P.J. Hogan Peter Pan from 2003, which I guess I still haven't seen yet? I was calling out all the shit Avatar ripped off from this version of Neverland, thinking I'd caught James Cameron in another Fern Gully snafu. Then the credits (which I watched all the way to the end looking for the name of that third song) had a 2015 copyright date and my whole case against Cameron flew right out the window like etc etc. I felt like that fucking prosecutor must've every goddamn week on Perry Mason. I know how he ended up in the wheelchair on Ironsides, that prosecutor must've finally had enough! Holy shit what a great Ironsides joke to end this review of Peter Pan on :([/quote]