Caltrops - Rants





	[quote name="Electronic Arts & Zseni"]SPECIAL FORCES TRANSPORT FABIO Team: Sulky HP: 50 Attack: 1 Defense: 100 Charisma: 10 Genius: 11 Special Abilities: - Sabotage: While FABIO rarely hits an opponent (He's not very good at games) his SAS space-frogmen have a 75% chance of finding the one exploit that renders his enemy broken. Hyper Mode: FABIO deconstructs a crappy but community-beloved game. This causes fans of the game to home in and attack him, only to find themselves trapped in the middle of the entire caltrops armada. DOOMSDAY DEVICE Senior Barborito HP: 1 Attack: 0 Defense: (Degrades) Charisma: -1 Genius: 0 Special Abilities: -Support: All upkeep for this unit is paid by another player. -Whore Flak: Fills the surrounding space with unwanted descriptions of how often he recieves fellatio from his wife. -Bipolarity Teleport: Escapes from the hole he digs himself into by blaming it on the crazy. Becomes less effective with repeated use -Holographic Decoy: Makes everyone he attacks think that it was his wife who attacked them because she's such a touchy slut. Hyper Mode: Chet. Kills every ship on every side and wipes the Hard Drive of every player. LOW-MILEAGE BEAST-GOD GIANT ROBOT TRANSFORMER Mischief Maker Team: Uncertain. Seems to have been created to combat the Mysterio Hive-Mind but may actually have accidentally created it. HP: Varies Attack: Varies Defense: Varies Charisma: Varies Genius: Varies Special Abilities: - Grammar Storm: Constantly playing with word structure and language rules to create nearly unreadable but grammatically correct run-on sentences and made-up word conglomorations. This makes MM immune to Grammar Nazi bolts because you can never tell iof he meant to make that mistake or not. - Transformer: Can transform into any other unit to gain maximum tactical advantage. Has been known to mimic his enemies to stir confusion and dissention in their ranks. -Political Bait 'n Switch: Combo attack with the Creexul archcannon. MM making a comment on IRL politics followed by a troll beam from Creexul will cause all nonvetran units in the vicinity to become caught in Creexul's Null-Dimensional Collision Box. Weaknesses: -Low fuel/Laziness: May abandon an unfinished battle entirely out of boredom. -Treacherous Disciples: Any attempt of MM to raise another ship's experience level will cause that ship to turn hostile. -Robophallical envy: The presence of MM on the battlefield fills the Zseni Leviathan with uncontrollable envy/lust. Zseni becomes incapable of any attack on MM other than questioning its gender. It is not clear whether this attack does any damage or not. HYPER MODE: MM writes a long post ridiculing its enemies in the style of Galileo's "Dialogue on the Two World Systems," though rumor has it MM has long since run out of ammunition for this attack.[/quote]