Caltrops - Wall Street Kid





	[quote name="fabio"]Mark: Holy fuck PA kickstarter fahbs: yeah Mark: so angry fahbs: it's so amazingly blatant fahbs: no pretense at all Mark: They are already gazillionaires. Why did kickstarter green light this at all? Mark: Why is getting rid of advertising on their site a good thing? fahbs: to fund a project they already have funding for Mark: Yeah. If this was a kickstarter 11 years ago, sure Mark: Marginally funny, poorly drawn cartoon requires funding to keep going Mark: that's no worse than 80% of kick starters fahbs: We need $1.4 million so we can afford not to get $1.4 million from ads so we can run our GLOBAL CHARITY fahbs: if it was video games they got donated through their connections, fine fahbs: but they raise cash money to convert it to games fahbs: Can you imagine if Larry Flynt announced a fundraiser for homeless shelters, raised $1 million, then said, "Here's your $1 million worth of dirty magazines!" Mark: "These people need quality boners." fahbs: and then self-righteously defending it by saying how lonely homeless people get as they lie in alleys for weeks without pornography Mark: "You might even say I'm a hero." Mark: "Pornographers care!!!!!" fahbs: "I'm starting this kickstarter so I can continue to run Hustler without subscribtion fees." Mark: "We're taking the ads out of hustler, adding no new content." Mark: "10 million, we take the ad off the back cover." fahbs: and passing the savings onto you! fahbs: wait...we meant cost Mark: "20 million, we take out the classifieds." Mark: "It's really an experiment in not having a magazine." Mark: "these ads are really corrupting the message we are trying to convey. Deep dicking, huge tits." fahbs: What stretch goal do they have to reach before they stop doing comic storylines about fruit gusher candy brands? Mark: Is PA going to continue to take money for custom comics promoting specific games? That's way more questionable than banner ads. fahbs: a month of news pages on how his kid loves Skylander toys Mark: what a bunch of disgusting hacks Mark: what would that comic be without (probably) paid product placement? Mark: There are almost no comics that don't serve as ads for games. It's like if ET spent the entire movie eating reeses pieces fahbs: holy fuck! $2.3 million already Mark: I'm not sure I want to live on the same planet as those creatures Mark: who's paying for this? fahbs: holy shit the reward tiers fahbs: (don't read if your fist cant take any more wall punching) Mark: Okay, I really wish I didn't have to see their faces when I clicked that link fahbs: I never knew pigleik actually had "tough guy" tattoos like his comic persona fahbs: arms crossed Mark: haha he'd bruise in a strong wind Mark: INTERN FOR A DAY Mark: A DAY fahbs: "Here, make some copies and fax these" Mark: If you pay $7,500 you ought to be able to intern with them for a year if you want fahbs: pay to fetch their donut order Mark: throws back out fahbs: I love the mock up of what the front page COULD look like fahbs: $250k, and we replace the front page ad with the laziest ORANGE/BLUE logo Mark: Some Lorem Ipsum like real designers use Mark: I hate everyone fahbs: "Pledge $125 or more 42 Backers All previous rewards and an autographed (by Gabe and Tycho) 12" x 18" "Dickstarter" print on heavyweight cardstock. (Add $7 for Non-U.S. Addresses) " Mark: So edgy Mark: $100,000 to be in a comic Mark: $100,000 fahbs: $300 to follow you on twitter!!!!! Mark: Maybe the biggest waste of money imaginable Mark: Only 50 spots Mark: They don't want to be following EVERYONE after all fahbs: I think I was lied to. There can't be a recession fahbs: this should be Obama's next state of the union address fahbs: "Look how much fucking money there is to throw away" Mark: "I'm glad people that need this got 0% of it." fahbs: This reads like if the Roman empire had internet near the end Mark: I think the Romans had a little more self respect Mark: and appreciated actual art fahbs: for $100,000, you could get enough top tier hookers to break you out of the loser mindset that would make you spend $100,000 on webcomics in the first place Mark: If you have $100,000k to blow on anything, you ought to be getting some decent tail Mark: I mean come on fahbs: aaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha fahbs: $5000 for a pizza party!!!!!!! fahbs: then right under that $7,500 for the intern for a day, "put to real work" fahbs: just to let the intern people know what suckers they are fahbs: You too can pay $2500 extra to do office work for us instead of come to a party Mark: Sort of a PA bondage thing Mark: Kind is cheaper than cruel fahbs: $10,000 for lunch with them! Mark: How awful would that be? fahbs: I love how all these $5000 and up rewards for simply visiting their office don't cover travel expenses fahbs: can't even pay for airfare and putting you up in a hotel for a weekend Mark: Yeah, they can't kick back $200 bucks in air fare Mark: They probably don't pick up the tab at lunch either fahbs: ha ha Mark: Just disappear to the washroom and never come back fahbs: You get to buy pig's feedbag Mark: Okay Mark: What kind of rewards would you like from this? fahbs: for $2000 extra, Tycho will throw a fit at the host that "his" table isn't ready Mark: I think forcing Pig to get a tattoo of my choosing might be worth $10,000 fahbs: a dick tatoo on his mouth fahbs: oh my god fahbs: oh my fucking god fahbs: read the stretch goal update fahbs: don't have anything breakable nearby fahbs: are you punching yet? Mark: I think it's telling that the new Lookouts chapter is called "The Tithe" fahbs: what the fuck though, taking down banner ads would free up all their comic making time? Mark: Yeah, something that is being accomplished by other people on their staff fahbs: "Creative service projects" = those shitty tie-in comics they do for products? Mark: Yeah, I think so fahbs: and Lookouts is a step up from this? fahbs: Give us money for our stretch goal, and we can afford to make money off our own "property" instead of merely being paid to shill someone else's Mark: It's incredible, but their IP is actually worse (typed at same time) Mark: I'd rather read a splinter cell comic by those idiots than ever look at the look-outs again fahbs: yeah if I was force to choose I'd rather read a retarded Splinter Cell comic than D&D for 5 year olds Mark: great minds, fahbs fahbs: maybe the shittiness of lookouts was a long term plan fahbs: "$650k stretch goal: Our colorist will actually know how to use Illustrator." Mark: "Hire someone without color blindness" fahbs: that's an extra $40k fahbs: sponsors will have to pay her travel costs fahbs: the lead in to the lookouts goal fahbs: "What we're talking about would be new projects, in settings you already like, that run ALONGSIDE the week's comics, not in their place. Like, oh, I don't know... THIS?!?" fahbs: "What would you expect to get for $550k. Oh, I dunno....THIS?!!!" fahbs: usually infomercials do that for an offer that looks a lot more valuable than the price Mark: Yeah. The blue lines of the worst comic you will ever read Mark: $550K fahbs: telling me $550k gets me a half-completed dungeon master doodle doesn't have the same impact fahbs: they should have one of those thermometer progress bars fahbs: every $50k gets you a couple more lines as pedo-Anne fades into existence fahbs: like the pin up of that woman in the movie Major League Mark: This was happening 3 years ago: http://penny-arcade.com/comic/2009/7/6/ fahbs: maybe it was an attempt to make their regular noses look competent Mark: this whole thread is great: Mark: http://www.caltrops.com/pointy.php?a ction=viewPost&pid=107353 fahbs: this stuff is so horrible, even if I was the one who came up with it and was raking in over six figures, I think before the 10th year I would just snap fahbs: and burn the entire thing down with a news post finally calling all my fans idiots fahbs: that the whole thing was a cash grab joke Mark: They are so talentless they believe their own press fahbs: ha ha fahbs: pod people calling that background art gorgeous Mark: I think my post near the top of the thread might be my best ever[/quote]