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[quote name="Ice Cream Jonsey"]I don't know a lot about Easter. How much of this have I accidentally absorbed as a participant in western culture? - Jesus got caught by Ponte Pilantes for being a false prophet. Or a ne'er do well. Or for just being openly Jewish, the record is unclear. - Someone beats the shit out of him in Latin for the length of time equal to the run time of The Last Temptation of Christ. - He gets crucified with three other guys in the crucifixion fields. - A thief or a gypsy (or a L3 gypsy thief) steals one of the nails. Therefore, thieves and/or gypsies think they are blessed by God. To be honest, I read this in an Indiana Jones comic book. - Jesus is out there for three days and curses mankind at some point. It's the one time where he blamed humanity for being human. - He dies and his mom gets the body down from the cross, inspiring Michelangelo's Pietà. She's too stone-cold to weep! Maybe the Matron Saint of Eve Online has time for tears, but not this one. - Someone "deposits" his corpse in a cave and puts a boulder in front of it. - Three days later, somebody <i>(who?)</i> <b>rolls the boulder</b> (the most unbelievable part of any of this) and checks on his body for no adequately explained reason... and he's in there, alive. He invents fingerguns, guns and the concept of payback <i>with interest. </i> - He stays alive for thirty days and uses the time to preach the one true word of God, fill his remaining contract work and settle general scores. - On the 31st day, he puts a shroud over his head and ascends to Heaven in the town of Turin, Israel. GOOD FRIDAY is when he died. EASTER was when he was resurrected. And LENT is the 31 days where Jesus was resurrected. The date of Easter changes because the Bible features a Meretzky-esque UNRELIABLE NARRATOR. Pretty good? Got it mostly? I'm not "doing a bit", but this is what I've been able to piece together without consulting an encyclopedia. ICJ[/quote]