Forum Overview :: Cabaret Voltron :: Re: Zseni, just stop

[quote name="Casual observer"]Somewhat tired premise. This subject matter was explored and exhausted since Jules Verne decided to invent the Electric Rifle. Even (heh) Shirow has dealt with this over and over. As for the structure, you have the propensity to try to bring emphasis through two means - repetition and a single word floating unattached from sentences... That just... doesn't work. Also, there's no possibility for empathy, as you don't stop to focus on a single character and instead try to envelope the entire fucking world in your narrative. That, also, doesn't work. Let me make an illustrative comparison. Ever seen The Scream? Of course you have, any pseudo-intellectual has. Now, imagine you holding a desktop globe and having every single person on earth painted as 'The Scream' on its surface. It just becomes a brown, drippy globe of shit. That, ultimately, is the effect you achieve with phrases like "Everyone was miserable!" In the end you're trying to be Ayn Rand in a few paragraphs. No. She sucked, you suck at being her in one 1/1000th of the space. Continue? Insert Coin! 10...[/quote]