Caltrops - Rants





	[quote name="up with pod people"][quote name="Quétinbec"]If my girls don't cum, they complain, and I don't feel guilty because they were fucked for 30 minutes and that's all you can ask of a person.[/quote] false, as any man who can fuck worth a damn would tell you [quote name="Quétinbec"]Most girls cum most of the time as a result of my fucks, and that's good enough for me.[/quote] no they don't, you are just really gullible (hint: she keeps pretending to come because you keep not stopping) I of course already went ahead and posed the question to amuse my favourite gaggle of hens, whose ages range from the late teens to the early forties. SPECIAL NOTE! everyone who is older than their twenties <i>was once in their twenties</i>. I described the lay thus: <b>"a man is proud of his half-hour fuck duration, which involves a few standard position changes. ideally, he prefers you to be motionless."</b> editor's note - I've cut out all the stuff where they didn't believe anyone could be that stupid and thought I was making you up. short and sweet: [quote]I've been meaning to give myself over to 27 minutes of deep contemplation about what color to paint the ceiling for quite a while now. Sign me up![/quote][quote]Wow, I always thought that necrophilia was an urban myth.[/quote][quote]It only takes me 20 minutes to think of England, so then what? [/quote][quote]<i>chafe</i>[/quote][quote]It's horrifying. It's like the world's longest, most pathetic gynecological exam.[/quote] a little pop culture! [quote]That's sort of like when that story came out about Sting being able to go at it for over 5 hours or something. My overriding thought on that was "but why would you want to? Ow ow ow."[/quote][quote]Alyssa: So, for you, to fuck is to penetrate. You're used to the more traditional definition. You inside some girl you duped, jackhammering away, not noticing that bored look in her eyes. Banky Edwards: Hey, I always notice that bored look in their eyes, alright?[/quote] and those that earnestly want to <i>help</i> you. [quote]Is she allowed to reach over for a little more lube? Ouch.[/quote][quote]I actually screwed a guy like that once. We were into it, and he said "Hold still so I can finish!". Needless to say, he was the only one who "finished", and I never slept with him again. He needs to talk to his partners!![/quote][quote]it sounds to me like he's incredibly insecure and isn't getting any and is trying to bolster himself. Do other women comment that they wouldn't be into it?[/quote] so then I told them most of your sexual experience was with third-world whores. [quote]WHAT, and they never TOLD HIM?[/quote][quote]<i>clutching pearls in shock</i> He should ask for a refund.[/quote][quote]lolololol.[/quote][quote]I swear I would institute a per-minute rate after a john like that.[/quote][quote]Nonsense. I'm he's the Best They Ever Had![/quote] but don't mistake this intervention as an attempt to make you into a better lover. I <i>am</i> trying to help you here; just not in the way you expect. you're already on the right path, convincing yourself that your half-hour is in some way defensible or laudable. keep going! release your conceptual hold on that strange, cringeworthy duration. instead, remember it doesn't <i>matter</i> whether they have anything to complain about! just admit you are a selfish john. let go of this strange presumption of sexual superiority and revel instead in your <i>purchased</i> dominance. a whore gets her pleasure from you -- her pleasure comes in bill form, neatly folded. if you want to make her cry out in pleasure, just keep handing over bills and ejaculate already. bonus: this will also work on Irene. it's not the laziness and ignorance that hurts. it's the self-deception. heal yourself.[/quote]