Today was my day off so I dedicated an unhealthy chunk of time to Space Marine.

Results!

7-8 Hours to beat single player on Normal.
1-2 hours to get to level 10 in multiplayer.
Totally stable the entire time, never got stuck, but a few odd glitches (you move into chaos marines when you execute them. happened 100% of the time.)

It’s OK I guess. If anything it made me more appreciative of DXHR and reminded me why I never played any of the Halos. Switching between melee and ranged feels really good, but the melee is still just right click right click right click F, right click right click right click F over and over for every weapon. You can only hold 4 weapons and your first 2 slots are always your pistol and bolter, but some of the guns just feel really really off (sniper and lascannon especially) so I just stuck with the melta shotgun and grenade launcher. The combat feels best when you’re fighting orks since the Chaos troops all tend to hide behind cover and chip at your health while a few demons attack in melee. The highlight is probably when you have a 3-way war between everyone and you just sprint into the middle with a thunder hammer. After that they start throwing bullshit shooter sections and force you to improvise cover while you have no way of healing since all the enemies are waaaaaaaay over there*. Wasn’t their whole schtick that they were breaking the Gears of War trend and making a big gun brawler hybrid? Did they scrap the plan halfway through? Is that why so much is ripped straight from the Gears of War template?

Everyone already knows the story. You’re fighting orks. Then the chaos comes. Then you fight the chaos while resisting the warp. It’s the same as every other 40K game. They try to spice it up by adding audio logs, but of all the games that have had this feature, this is probably the worst example. Part of that is probably because they’re usually a way to expand the universe and characters, but since the 40K universe is already firmly established the whole thing just falls flat. I thought giving the player history lessons on the horus heresy or how space marines are made would have been way more interesting but they were just trying to play it safe.

The whole thing is one long corridor, but it’s a pretty one, especially at the beginning. The end felt a little too purple/black and just wasn’t very impressive. The sewers came about 1/4 of the way though, I think. It was a very short section. Crates are everywhere but you can’t break them.

I was really hoping they would have some dreadnaughts/kanz, or to have a giant battle of 50 IG against 1000 orks, or some good bosses (there’s 1 “real” boss, the other 2 are you shooting down a ship and a 3 minute QTE). Like I said, they were playing it safe and really just stuck to the GoW example.

One thing I noticed is that when you’re doing the execution moves to get back health, enemies can still hurt/kill you. It does feel better than “OK time out while he kills our friend”, but it usually leaves you with the same amount of health or less if you got a long animation. You get an armor upgrade later in the game that helps a ton (all upgrades are automatic. You just find them in drop pods as the game goes on). The fury mode also gives you health, but if you use it when you’re at 50% and falling you’re pretty much dead.

Multiplayer is a hot mess. If you ever played Dead Space 2’s multi then you know exactly what to expect here. It’s not nearly as blatant and unfair to level 1 players, but the same problems are there. Everyone keeps trying to use the MW2 model without realizing that there’s a difference between earning a rifle that shoots slightly faster and more accurately and earning the demoman’s sticky launcher. Team balancing is non-existent as far as I can tell and there are only 2 modes and no last stand mode (I give it 5 months before they release it as DLC for $10). I’m also playing from Vietnam so my connection is horrible and I’ll still get shot well after I’ve turned a corner. It works both ways though so that’s not too much of a deal breaker. Plus the assault marine/raptor works fine even with terrible lag.

Overall I don’t regret my purchase and I had a pretty good time with it. Rocket jumping all over the place with a thunder hammer feels awesome. The game fails when it tries to play the battles and mechanics safely and succeeds when everything goes batshit insane. Plus it came with Darksiders so yay. I’ll probably have more fun with the Binding of Isaac though.

*It actually doesn’t happen that often but when it does you’ll hate it…

Lurker 56498

Editor’s note: The year is 2003. Web comic creator Roop Dirnup developed Melted Brain, a MMORPG-based strip that used, for the most part, actual posts by prospective MMORPG fans as comic dialogue. Thought lost in time, Caltrops will be posting a Melted Brain strip every Friday for the rest of the year. Click for the huge version.

Link to comments.

Roop

Editor’s note: The year is 2003. Web comic creator Roop Dirnup developed Melted Brain, a MMORPG-based strip that used, for the most part, actual posts by prospective MMORPG fans as comic dialogue. Thought lost in time, Caltrops will be posting a Melted Brain strip every Friday for the rest of the year. Click for the huge version.

Link to comments.

Roop

A lot of us are enjoying Deus Ex: Human Revolution on our IBM PC personal computers and 100% compatibles. The Cable Bruddas believe it to be a better game than the original Deus Ex (and I am going to assume Deus Ex 2 as well, although that is not specifically stated). Find out exactly why with this video review.

Mild to medium cut-scene-based spoilers in the video.

Problem? Join us on the forum.

Editor’s note: The year is 2003. Web comic creator Roop Dirnup developed Melted Brain, a MMORPG-based strip that used, for the most part, actual posts by prospective MMORPG fans as comic dialogue. Thought lost in time, Caltrops will be posting a Melted Brain strip every Friday for the rest of the year. Click for the huge version.

Link to comments.

Roop

Editor’s note: The year is 2003. Web comic creator Roop Dirnup developed Melted Brain, a MMORPG-based strip that used, for the most part, actual posts by prospective MMORPG fans as comic dialogue. Thought lost in time, Caltrops will be posting a Melted Brain strip every Friday for the rest of the year. Click for the huge version.

Link to comments.

Roop

I never bought River City Ransom for the Nintendo Entertainment System because I thought it took place in Venice, and I was raised xenophobe. Hung over and barfing, I am literally the perfect target audience for the Cable Brothers, who are answering the question “Does River City Ransom pass the test of time?”

Comments? Join us on the forum.

Does Deus Ex stand the test of time?

It’s an honest question. Some would say “no” because they never cared for it in the first place. Others might say no just because of the dated graphics, but there’s a high definition texture pack for Deus Ex.

The Cable Bruddas started a thread last summer where we could all talk about games that hold up or don’t. But they’ve expanded their opinions into the first Caltrops video review, presented below. With the third game in the series shipping shortly, the Bruddas discuss the merits and failures of the original.

Comments? Join us on the forum.

If you’re purchasing a copy of Feeding Frenzy (2010, Red Letter Media) you’re doing so to support one of the funniest people on the Internet, not because you’re getting a great film. I am going to assume that co-director Mike Stoklasa wouldn’t want anyone to soften their impression of his movie, unless he’s just a huge narcissist. The man sent the Internet pizza rolls, though, so I don’t think he was trying all that hard to totally buy us off.

If you’re unfamiliar with the man’s work, Mike Stoklasa developed a character called Harry S. Plinkett (or, as we call him on Caltrops, “Stroke Guy“) and used him to savage the 1994 film Star Trek Generations. Stoklasa did such a good job, he managed to change my opinion about the movie, thus making the only time anyone’s opinion about anything was ever changed thanks to Youtube. He followed the video review of Generations by breaking his dick off into the mouth of the other Next Generation Trek flicks, and then doing the same to the three Star Wars prequels. While this was going on, the viewer gained more insight to the character of narrator Harry Plinkett. If you really shouldn’t be on the net, you found those vignettes disturbing enough to wistfully dream that the reviews stopped containing them. I don’t want to unfairly put people in categories, but everyone else who was an actual adult more or less dug them, and understood that they helped distance Red Letter Media’s video reviews from an ever more-crowded field. As it turns out, the entire time Plinkett was doing horrible things in his basement and intimately sharing them, he was prepping us for a rubber monster movie.

"Eat it with your mouff."

I was 10 when Gremlins came out, which meant I was in the theater and able to be properly disappointed for Gremlins 2. However, in much the same way that a video game becomes better when your friends are playing with you, the creative team behind Feeding Frenzy (Stoklasa, Jay Bauman and Rich Evans) have a love for rubber critter movies that probably pinballed against each other, psyching each other up. Feeding Frenzy begins by giving us insight to an average evening of Harry S. Plinkett (played by Evans). And initially, everything starts out great — we’ve got Plinkett in a scene with a call girl. Oh, I mean, it’s completely abhorrent and I modified the HOSTS file on my parents’ PC over Thanksgiving so they could never see me approve of it here, but this is pretty much everything you could hope for in the first six minutes. Then we go to the hardware store, and other people start talking.

Feeding Frenzy is an independent, amateur (not meant in the condescending way) film, and that means you’re going to see many failings of the sub-genre. The acting, on the whole, is rather poor. Most scenes look like they could have used a couple days’ worth of extra rehearsal. The less a given actor or actress has to do, the better he or she seems to come off, which is understandable for a project on what we can assume is a compressed schedule fit around the lives of its creators. The toughest jobs in the film are those of the leads, Ron Lipski and Gillian Bellinger. Lipski, playing the lead in Jesse Camp, has a lot of scenes that seem like they could have used another round of screenplay edits. Before we even begin to really know him, he’s asked to roll his eyes for a couple minutes straight. On one hand, you wish Lipski had more time to digest everything being asked of him, on the other hand, I can’t remember a flick almost immediately having such open contempt for its lead. Everybody hates this Jesse guy, and you quickly get the sense that Lipski does too.

We would love some popcorn, actually.

We get plenty of reasons to distrust and dislike Plinkett, but Feeding Frenzy takes a couple detours that don’t go anywhere. There’s a pillow fight scene, and no red-blooded man will take another to task for that. However, there is an inexplicable scene between Stoklasa (playing a separate character than he had so far) and Lora Story which is — well, it’s perfectly fine in a vacuum, but distracting as we just saw Stoklasa minus some face bandages a moment ago. I mean, I was able to successfully continue my evening and not jog and everything, but it was jarring. I don’t know if this was a homage to the genre of rubber monster movies or what. Feeding Frenzy has a weird way of making you feel you don’t have all the facts sometimes. That being said, Ms. Story could have really helped Harrison Ford as a voice coach in K-19: The Widowmaker, so there’s that.

As hard as it is to act and take direction in an indie film, the cast and crew aren’t helped by the monsters themselves. Teethy little mongrel spheres, we’re never quite clear how dangerous they’re really supposed to be. Jesse seemingly loses a chunk of his leg at one point, but the plot doesn’t call for him to really hobble. They look ridiculous, and that’s the point, but we’re never invited to be afraid of them. And I think that’s the biggest misstep of the film, except for a lot of the delivery: is Feeding Frenzy trying to elbow its way above Critters, Troll and Ghoulies? Just be alongside them, or something else entirely? Does it have no ambition in this regard? I can accept anything in a schlock genre as long as I get what I came in for and what defines the genre. Feeding Frenzy never quite reaches the point where the monsters make you uncomfortable.

All that being said, there is one scene in the movie that demands attention. I can say, quite categorically, that I laughed harder at it than anything else I can think of in recent memory. I don’t want to spoil anything, because it is so perfectly executed, so I will just say that it involves Jesse’s roommate, and it happens at fifty-one and a half minutes. It’s quietly set up throughout the entire movie and provides a delightful payoff to some earlier scenes that lacked any at the time. It’s my favorite bit about Feeding Frenzy, and completely got me on their side for the third act. Making the viewer laugh because you earned it is tough, and made me respect this movie, even if I can’t recommend it to all audiences without reservation.

This guy cracks me up, and I hope he cracks you up, too.

But look, we live in a world where there’s new and exciting art being released every week. Cash Cash came out with a new album. And… God, what a time to draw a blank. OK, wait, there’s Cash Cash, and the cops got that van Gogh sketch back from that one dumb fuck who wore loafers with no socks — what I’m saying is that there’s new stuff and we can’t even get rid of the old art. You have a lot of choices, and buying a copy of Feeding Frenzy supports all the right people. I don’t regret my purchase, and Christ, that take by Jay Bauman hasn’t stopped cracking me up yet and I’ve been watching it for the last two hours. Stoklasa, Bauman and Evans do not need encouragement from various Failed Romeros reviewing their work because you can tell this stuff is in their blood. They’re going to be fine if they keep doing these and learn from each one. I’m looking forward to their next effort, and will happily tag along provided they show passion in improving their craft each time out. Feeding Frenzy is a wonderful point to get on a roller coaster ride filled to bursting with characters and creators that get a little turned on by your puking if you haven’t already.

Ice Cream Jonsey

The Half-Life 2 series of programs have crossed paths with the wrong man!

Tdarcos