Kick Off The New Year With Caltrops

I spent my New Year holiday trying to clean up some problems with my Qix. Qix takes a 6.3 volt line to make the lights behind the marquee work. Most arcade games have a fluorescent tube behind the marquee. Taito games have a bunch of little 47 bulbs there. I don’t know what magic the original power supply for Qix did to get a 6.3v line going (common voltages in arcade games are +5v, -5v, +12 and sometimes -12v) but as it turns out, running +5 into the lights from my new power supply is good enough.

Good enough! Sometimes getting most of the voltage is good enough. I couldn’t half-ass it soldering on a cordless phone battery, to act as Qix’s new NiCad batter. Mine now saves my horrible scores. I broke 70,000 once.

That said, we all want the best for 2013. One of the ways we can all do that is to become better Qix players. I have a lot of faith in the readers of this site, which is why I am not calling this post “Qixing Off The New Year.” So please watch this video and marvel at two things:

1) Getting two straight 99% fills on Qix
2) The sparx trap up top. It’s beautiful. Round and round they go!

This video will change your opinion on Qix, if you don’t think it’s one of the best arcade games. The best part is, even if you see the strategies used, you still need the skill to pull them off, and there is still room for creativity while working in the basic strategy.

Comments? Join us on the forum.

Ice Cream Jonsey

Thirty Flights of Loving (PC)

Someone figured out how to do jump cuts in the Quake 2 engine and made 2 demo levels of nothing but. There’s so little here I’m almost offended I had to pay for it, meanwhile game reviewers and players lined up to suck the developer’s cock like it holds the cure. Average score: 9/10. This is the downside of indie developers experimenting with gaming and MOMA accepting games as art. Dipshits desperate to validate themselves as cultured art aficionados because they play XBox praise dumb shit that displays a tiny bit of creativity but has absolutely fucking nothing to offer as a game. Look at this garbage:

Read the rest of this entry »

2012 Year End Link Bait: What We Hated

2012 is just about over, and we hated a lot of stuff. We also liked a lot of stuff, but nobody is going to click on a link to see other people acting all happy.

The things I liked least about gaming this year was an aspect of the bundle culture we now live in. I really wish that all bundles, when mailing their endless advertising, would simply issue a plain text e-mail with the names of the included games, their genres, the name of the developer and maybe a tiny synopsis. I can’t remember which bundle it was, but one recently in-lined a giant JPG and the rot13 forumula for dick pills.

Steam Greenlight is also a cheapskate implementation by a rich company, but Valve does do a lot of great things, so it doesn’t feel right to complain about them. They’ve managed to make a wonderful platform that should do a great job resisting whatever closed-shop nonsense Windows 8 seems to want to push forth.

The best thing I noticed was that computer pinball seems to really be taking off – sure, it will never replace the real thing, but it’s not necessarily trying to, either. And there were fewer games than ever trying to awkwardly bolt Windows Games for Live onto something. If Games for Windows Lives dies completely in 2013, that would be terrific.

Please click the more button for more!

Read the rest of this entry »

That Hospital Level in Hotline Miami

OK, so there’s a Hotline Miami level where you lose your weapons and the controls get all screwy!! LOL! You know, I was a bit down on a game that didn’t have save-anywhere and relied on death from an unseen source, but man. This was the greatest level in the history of gaming. So imaginative. So well-crafted. It was the best thing we saw in 2012, but could it be better? Well, as a man with a long history of being a Failed Romero, let me take the Panther XL stick and state that it could only be improved if:



– You were asked to escort a Little Sister and all the NPCs from Crossbow to safety

– There was a a frozen minecart hallway requiring you to unplug your second controller from the game port, while holding the cartridge’s light sensor toward the Sun

– While keeping a close eye on the number of shields the cops had, they suddenly finished the Great Wall and Lighthouse right before you did

– There were two minutes left and as you were trying to ice the game level, you automatically fumbled

– You were within range of the finish line and suddenly the computer cars behind you sped up faster than they otherwise could have gone on their own to take the lead

– Jason Rohrer unvaccinates your kids

Ready Player One (Book)

Okay so the rich guy was nuts about the 1980s even though this story takes place in the future (2050 perhaps). As a result, the whole world goes nuts over 1980s pop culture, studying every damn thing from the 80s in case it gives them some insight into the treasure hunt. They’re watching every single TV show and memorizing every single song and wearing 1980s clothes and using 1980s pop culture references and programming ROMS for their TRS-80s and asking where’s the beef and memorizing every single line from every 80s movie.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Kong Off 2 in Denver, CO

If you’re in Colorado next weekend, check out the Kong Off 2, hosted at the 1UP Barcade.

http://the-1up.com/kongoff

Kotaku’s Editor-in-Chief on the GMA Whoring

Here is a thread on Caltrops that links to some stuff that Stuart Campbell and Rab Florence wrote about how all game journalists are whores. No, really: dignity-free, easily-purchased whores. Well, most of them. There are some good ones.

Long story short, some public relations clowns wanted a bunch of game journos in attendance at the Game Media Awards to tweet a hashtag to win a free Playstation 3. Many obliged. This is such a laughable middle finger to basic ethics, of course you’d have journo after journo stating that they did nothing wrong. Clearly, Stephen Totilo, Editor-in-Chief of Kotaku, would be on the case.

Look man, I read Gawker sites just like everyone else, and while I hate myself for it, sometimes you just want something that updates. I mean, they did a fucking article on Mike Francesa telling a guy that the water in his home will eventually subside. Basic fluid dynamics are now utterly scandalous, in the world of these cretins.

Here’s a couple screenshots from Kotaku where a poster asks Totilo why he completed ignored the story. It’s priceless:

Amazing.

Why should you visit Caltrops? Because games are expensive, if not in money then in time. And there is absolutely no place you can go to get opinions about these shitty games, except for sites like Caltrops. Maybe you hate the color scheme here or threaded conversations – understood. But find a forum with no advertising and support it. There’s no such thing as game journalism. As Roop reports in the forum, they mostly consider themselves hobbyist writers anyway.

Ice Cream Jonsey

Video Review: Diablo 1&2 by the Cable Bruddas

Seven years ago I did a thread on a different forum about what I thought the 100 best games were. It looks terribly out-dated now, and it didn’t include pinball games. That being said, I had Diablo in the top 100, but I didn’t go back and play it to confirm that information at the time.

The Cable Bruddas — twin brothers that grew up together to brutally judge old games and new web comics — take on Diablo 1 and 2 with this Internet video below. Does Diablo stand the test of time?



Comments? Join us on the forum.

Analysis: Those Korean LCD Monitors

So I guess the internet has been going apeshit since January or so over these 27″ Korean LCD monitors with a native resolution of 2560×1440 and some state of the art LG panel that are selling for $300-400. Since I was in the market to replace a shitty 14″ LCD monitor from like 10 years ago I rolled the dice and it came up “YOU GET A FUCKING KICKASS MONITOR HOLY SHIT.” In other words, let me act as the independent Caltrops Cares verification that these things are great.

I have it set up next to a 6-7 year old 24″ Dell 2405 monitor that is the best monitor I’ve ever owned (cannot overstate how great a built-in USB /SD hub on a monitor is), and this Korean monitor is far and away the better picture. It is bright, unbelievably clear and crisp, the colors are phenomenal (Trine 2 looks incredible), and the tint doesn’t change if you shift your body 3 millimeters off center. Also, the color calibration out of the box appears to be accurate. I don’t know if it’s age or what, but the Dell monitor always skewed slightly yellow and I could never correct it with adjustments because it would always fuck everything else up, but with this one it looks accurate with a plain eyeball test. And holy fuck, Skyrim at 2560×1440 on this thing. Jesus Christ, you have no idea.

The only con is that when I was starting up a lot of games to see what they looked like at max res there was a lot of resolution switching because they were all configured for the old resolution (DID YOU KNOW: Blizzard’s games are the only ones smart enough to automatically override your resolution setting and default to the native resolution if the native resolution changes), as well as temporarily messing with AMD’s Eyefinity settings (DID YOU KNOW: Eyefinity is hilariously worthless on 2 horizontal monitors because the screen is centered in the monitor bezels), and after all that switching the monitor started giving off a faint buzz. I don’t notice it with headphones on or if there’s any other noise in the room, but when it’s quiet it’s annoying enough that I might shoot up the place.

Since nobody loves you like I do, if you’re interested in looking at these monitors here’s a list of assorted brands and models. All of these monitors have the exact same LG panel, they just differ in build quality and features, also you buy them off of eBay. My seller was bigclothcraft, the monitor came with “free” shipping, and, I shit you not, I bought it on a Monday afternoon and it arrived from South Korea first thing Thursday morning that same week. I should also note that if you’re in the US, you don’t pay any customs fees (PDF CTRL+F “8528.59.40”). I don’t know if you foreigners are gonna get shaken down by The Man.

Yamakasi Catleap Q270

This is apparently the lowest of the low end. It has 1 DVI-D input, a power connector, and nothing else. It doesn’t have an on-screen display, just 2 physical brightness buttons. From what I’ve read around the internet, the build quality is kind of shitty, particularly the monitor stand. Lots of people are buying a new stand or just mounting it to a wall.

Shimian Achieva (IPSB / IPSBS)

Anandtech review

A little better build quality than the Catleap, but I think mostly identical.

Shimian Achieva (IPSM / IPSMS)

According to the manufacturer website (warning: Korean), the M and T models are capable of 1.07 billion colors compared to 16.7 million of the B models. This is similar to the Dell Ultrasharp which I think has some custom backlighting that simulates the extra colors. No idea how it works out in practice. Also, the M models have additional HDMI and Display Port connectors.

First FSM-270YG

Review

Similar barebones features, better build quality.

Crossover 27Q

Similar barebones configuration with one input and no OSD. Supposedly these are better build quality.

Crossover 2720MDP

This is the one I picked up, it’s a little more expensive but it had better features. 1 DVI-D, 2 HDMI, 1 Display Port, and 1 Component input, as well as an OSD that can be switched to english. And built in speakers, but who would ever care about that. The monitor and stand itself seem to be pretty solid and sturdy, although the stand is cheaper than the old Dell. There were 0 dead or broken pixels. The screen has a glossy coating which I thought I would hate because of reflections but it turns out it’s a non-issue. And the picture is crisp and gorgeous. It does have that goddamn buzz that started up, though. Does anyone know how to fix something like that? Do I hit it with a crescent wrench? Help me out here.

Anyway, if you’re looking for a new monitor and want one that’s huge and bright and beautiful, I’d definitely consider one of these.

Link to comments.

Rafiki

Golf Journalism Is Also Terrible

We give a lot of shit to games journalism, but golf journalism is terrible as well. Thanks to Pinback for the heads up here:

With twin 67s, Tiger Woods is officially in the hunt at The British Open

Tiger Woods in the hunt after fast start at British Open

“Even with Tiger Woods in the hunt, Saturday figures to…”

Tiger in the hunt headed into final day

“If Woods is in the hunt again on…”

“In the thick of it: Tiger Woods is in the hunt after an impressive opening round of 67”

Woods in hunt at AT&T National

Eagle puts Woods in the hunt

Tiger in the hunt

In the hunt … Tiger Woods waits on the eighth green

This Bleacher Report Slideshow has three instances of the phrase to the right

“That said, Tiger’s going to need to put himself in the hunt at least nine more…”

Tiger Woods back in the hunt after second round 68

I give these articles 7.9 out of 10.

Ice Cream Jonsey