Let’s call it “Actually Serious Sam”. Though the settings and enemies wind up getting goofy beyond belief, it is BJ Blazkc– BJ Blasco… It’s the main character who makes this such a stirring experience. There is no wisecracking or clever quipping. There is a quiet man in a struggle against pure evil, recalling all of the lessons in his life to achieve this final victory. The writing, particularly BJ’s narration, is EXQUISITE, and if Ice Cream Jonsey’s opinion is that the writing in Portal is the LEAST we should accept, I believe this game is worthy of acceptance.

More than that, it is the first first person shooter (or really any action game) I’ve seen that actually knows how to tell a story. Give some nods to technology, which is now able to make games look and sound pretty much exactly like movies, but give nods to the production crew as well. Though the story is naturally paper thin, it is told in a way that when the (beautiful, remarkable) end credits roll, you might actually feel an emotion in response to all that you’ve been through. Magnificent.

And even more than that, it is just a great shooter. You run around getting health and weapons and killing Nazis and Nazi robot-y things. Just like you did the first time. For all its high-technology glistening production sheen, the gameplay itself is remarkably and thankfully faithful to the game that started it all. No crafting. No multi-layered stories all going on at the same time. No open world. Just the next set piece to fucking blast your way through, and the guns and deaths and enemies here are among the more satisfying you’re likely to find in the genre.

Also the Meshuggah guitarist plays part of the soundtrack, and the scene that it’s used in is the most fun you’ll have on a computer this year, without question.

Basically, in my opinion, I have played the best two FPS games in the genre’s history, and they both bear the name “Wolfenstein”. One gave birth to an entire form of entertainment, and the other one comes pretty close to perfecting it.

I thank you for your time.

(Although it is kind of annoying finishing a game and then seeing “completion: 47%”. Remember when finishing a game meant you were at least halfway through with it?)

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