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by I need clarification 02/28/2007, 11:48pm PST |
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For a while now I've been wanting to write a general webcomics review. But really what I wanted was to slam Questionable Content (yes, that's right, they couldn't even secure the ".com" URL), possibly the worst webcoming in the entire world (wide web). For those of you lucky enough not to have ever read it, a brief summary is: a group of 20-somethings consisting of guys who are absolutely terrified of women and the girls who terrorize them sit around and discuss their feelings. No one ever does anything, and nothing ever happens. This in itself isn't so bad - my favorite webcomic of all time, Dinosaur Comics, famously consists of the same six panels every day, with only the dialog changed. The difference is it's smart and funny where Questionable Content is weak and mewling.
Mark and I have about 8 encyclopedias' worth of AIM logs detailing our hatred of the strip, but I can summarize it by saying we both thought it was written by a girl. I remain unconvinced it's not, however author J(eph) Jacques' "girlfriend" assures me he is, indeed, a man. Speaking of which, this girl, this fucking harry, can be second only to Veronica in the amount of domination and absolute control over their partners they demand. No week is complete without a strip in which the perpetually terrified Marten (AKA Jeph, of course) doesn't lay himself before the onrushing train wreck of Faye, the fat, psycho bitch who wants to date guys but can't because her dad killed himself once, Dora, the (allegedly - no one in the strip seems to have had sex in over a year, quite an accomplishment for a story about 20-somethings all dating each other) sexually voracious mistress Marten is "dating" now (no two people ever go on a date, prefering instead the safe comfort of their equally neutered group of friends), or any of the panoply of girls who move beyond the emotionally threatening to physically endangering, culminating in a scooter-riding chick who quite literally beats the shit out of one of the male characters because SHE MISTAKENLY THOUGHT HE DUMPED A GIRL.
I can only imagine the amount of trouble Jeph would be in if he accidentally allowed one of his male character to grow a set of balls (HOW DARE HE DISRESPECT WOMEN THIS WAY), and any hint that his shrewish girlfriend does not exercise complete editorial priviledges over every strip (though I imagine at this point he's indoctrinated enough to not need constant scolding) is obliterated by the fact she runs his merchandising division. Yes, that's right, this idiot, in addition to boring the fuck out of every human who wanders across his site, also rapes their PayPal account to the tune of who knows how much each month as he trots out one idiotic t-shirt worn by his characters after the next.
I wanted to point all this out to J Jeph Jacques, to set him straight and help rejoin the rest of his gender in their rightful state (on top of women), but realized it would be easier to simply re-imagine a couple of his strips as they might appear had they been written by a guy.
I decided to post these new masterpieces on the QC forum, with predictable results:
Subject: I love QC!! Trying to start a comic kind of like it. What do you think?
Author: ToutSuite
Cartiledge Head wrote:
« Reply #1 on: Today at 06:00:21 PM »
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Okay then.
AnotherQCaddict wrote:
« Reply #2 on: Today at 07:24:25 PM »
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....
You are a horrible writer, and you steal the artwork...
At least one of these statements is true, but WHICH?!
Silly Bob's new groove wrote:
« Reply #3 on: Today at 07:54:09 PM »
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Actually I thought t was kinda funny, in a horrid hate filled bastard kind of way, but I can laugh at that too, I don't like those words coming out of Jeph's beloved character's mouths though.
That's the BEST kind of funny, pal.
magnanimusman wrote:
« Reply #5 on: Today at 08:53:24 PM »
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Even I wouldn't do something like this.
But hey, follow your dreams, just have the decency to not steal other people's artwork.
How magnanimus of you. If only I'd done my own drawings. Then the strip would be decent, at least. :(
That will be the dream I follow!
Narr wrote:
« Reply #6 on: Today at 09:06:48 PM »
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TROLL MOAR.
I wish I was a mod. I'd pull out the Ban-Hammer
Haha.
Madness Hero wrote:
« Reply #7 on: Today at 09:08:36 PM »
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I feel sick by just reading that crap. You fail at life.
GAME OVER MYAN.
ampersandwitch wrote:
« Reply #8 on: Today at 09:17:44 PM »
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FUNNY JOKES LOL
Don't you have anything better to do?
Check out that screenname! It's like four puns in 14 words.
ToutSuite wrote:
« Reply #9 on: Today at 09:19:46 PM »
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Hm, it seems I need improvement. How is this one?
qtownstegy wrote:
« Reply #10 on: Today at 09:20:20 PM »
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I agree with what everyone else has said here so far.
You need to stop! And this means NOW!!
WE'RE RUNNING OUT OF TIME!!
Thy Dungeonman wrote:
« Reply #11 on: Today at 09:23:55 PM »
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I think my mind just broke. And not in the good way.
Oh, mine Dungeonman...
and of course the inevitable:
An Error Has Occurred!
The topic or board you are looking for appears to be either missing or off limits to you.
But it's MY TOPIC!!
Seeking recourse, I found Jeph's horrible girlfriend on AIM and asked her about it:
[18:30] INC: hey, someone deleted my thread on the QC forums :(
[18:31] QCMerch: oh?
[18:31] INC: yeah :(
[18:31] INC: I posted my first attempt at doing a comic strip
[18:31] INC: kind of like QC
[18:32] QCMerch: did you post it in the proper forum?
[18:32] INC: yeah
[18:34] INC: well anyway, I hope Jeph got to see it before it was deleted
[18:34] INC: because I was hoping for some input from the MASTER
[18:35] INC: An Error Has Occurred! Sorry ToutSuite, you are banned from using this forum!
[18:35] INC: I'm banned!!
[18:35] INC: What is this, Nazi Russia?
[19:15] QCMerch: what is your username?
[19:15] INC: ToutSuite
[19:23] QCMerch: apparently your brand of anti-semitic humor didn't sit well with Jeph
[19:23] INC: oh
[19:24] INC: what does semitic mean?
[19:24] QCMerch: jewish
[19:24] INC: OH
[19:24] INC: is he... you know?
[19:25] QCMerch: a jew? no, but neither of us consider anti-semitism to be acceptable in any way
[19:25] QCMerch: or any other kind of discrimination
[19:25] INC: I...
[19:26] INC: I guess that's admirable
[19:26] INC: I try not to discriminate against anyone
[19:26] INC: except child molestors
[19:26] INC: I think we can all agree they are not equal to everyone else
[19:26] INC: I don't know why I brought that up. That's totally random!!
[19:28] INC: well, I'm deeply sorry I crossed the QC code of ethics. :(
[19:28] INC: it's doubly-disappointing to me because I kind of consider Marten a role model
[19:29] INC: I'm just saying in terms of respecting all people
[19:29] QCMerch: and the comics and drawings forum is for posting your own work, not someone else's work with altered writing
[19:29] INC: oh, he could tell I did that?
[19:29] INC: I was hoping people might think I drew it
[19:30] QCMerch: no, it was pretty blatant
[19:30] QCMerch: Jeph remembers his own work
[19:30] QCMerch: so yes, that is why you were banned
[19:30] INC: wow
[19:30] INC: it looks like I did everything wrong :(
[19:31] QCMerch: not the art work thing, the anti-semitism thing
[19:31] INC: this is not the way I wanted to start my comics career!
[19:31] QCMerch: definitely time to go back to the drawing board
[19:31] INC: but in a way, if you look at it
[19:31] QCMerch: (literally)
[19:31] INC: I have learned a lot from Jeph tonight
[19:32] INC: kind of tough love
[19:32] INC: he's saying I'm very talented, but I just need to stop my characters from hating jews, and then also I should draw the strip myself
[19:32] QCMerch: that a) people don't like bigots and that b) people will recognize their own artwork?
[19:34] QCMerch: it has been a big day for you!
[19:34] QCMerch: now, if you will excuse me, I need to get some work done before I collapse from exhaustion
[19:35] INC: okay
[19:35] INC: well I will try not to have characters hate jews from now on
[19:36] QCMerch: that is a good policy
[19:36] QCMerch: in general
[19:36] INC: it's not me
[19:36] INC: it's my characters
[19:36] INC: I don't even know any
[19:36] INC: (jews)
[19:36] QCMerch: you must live in a very small place
[19:37] INC: there's not a lot of them here
[19:37] INC: or lesbians
[19:38] QCMerch: must be a very boring place
[19:39] INC: it kind of is
[19:39] INC: I was hoping my comic would be the spark this town needed
[19:39] INC: and also inform them about lesbians
[19:39] INC: and teach them to hate Jews, which I TOTALLY didn't mean it to do
[19:39] INC: I'll change some of the words before I put it in the paper
[19:40] INC: thanks for all the advice
[19:40] INC: you and Jeph have been too kind
[19:40] QCMerch: no problem
[19:40] *** "QCMerch" signed off at Wed Feb 28 19:40:50 2007.
I hope I taught them something, too. |
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REVIEW: Questionable Content (www.questionablecontent.net) by I need clarification 02/28/2007, 11:48pm PST 
Epic! Way to keep QCMerch up to the point of EXHAUSTION NT by Fussbett 03/01/2007, 12:00am PST
My favorite kind of webcomic, where jokes aren't appreciated. NT by Jhoh Cable o_O 03/01/2007, 1:20am PST
I said "wow!" by Jerry Whorebach 03/01/2007, 1:31am PST
I didn't work very hard on mine. :( by Jhoh Cable o_O 03/01/2007, 1:54am PST
Any work of fiction improves when the characters all start talking like Creexul. NT by Tony 03/01/2007, 3:46pm PST
yup, INC is definitely a father now by fatherhood curse 03/01/2007, 2:08am PST
Holy shit, way to annouce your taste in cocks. NT by TENCHI? 03/01/2007, 2:14am PST
Creexul knows of Tenchi, and he fucked Sassy. Have you? NT by fatherhood curse 03/01/2007, 2:20am PST
High five? NT by Jhoh Cable o_O 03/01/2007, 2:40am PST
He actually didn't, and everyone else did. Anything else? NT by I need clarification 03/01/2007, 12:00pm PST
WE'RE STILL WORKING OUT THE TECHNICALITIES NT by Jhoh Cable o_O 03/01/2007, 10:02pm PST
You created a whole screenname just to announce you suck. I'm proud of you, son. NT by I need clarification 03/01/2007, 2:37am PST
Re: yup, INC is definitely a father now by Web comix guy 03/01/2007, 10:59am PST
Re: REVIEW: Questionable Content (www.questionablecontent.net) by AnotherQCaddict 03/01/2007, 2:30pm PST
You're an addict :( NT by mark 03/01/2007, 2:50pm PST
But every junkie's like a settin' sun NT by Neil Young 03/01/2007, 2:54pm PST
I hope the other QC fans don't show up... by Jerry Whorebach 03/01/2007, 2:51pm PST
it's a novelty name. by AnotherQCaddict 03/01/2007, 3:00pm PST
Re: it's a novelty name. by mark 03/01/2007, 3:04pm PST
Monocle firmly in place here. NT by Jhoh Cable o_O 03/01/2007, 10:13pm PST
Re: REVIEW: Questionable Content (www.questionablecontent.net) by Rabbi Friendly 03/01/2007, 3:04pm PST
Re: REVIEW: Questionable Content (www.questionablecontent.net) by AnotherQCaddict 03/01/2007, 3:18pm PST
Re: REVIEW: Questionable Content (www.questionablecontent.net) by Rabbi Friendly 03/01/2007, 3:35pm PST
Re: REVIEW: Questionable Content (www.questionablecontent.net) by AnotherQCaddict 03/01/2007, 3:53pm PST
Re: REVIEW: Questionable Content (www.questionablecontent.net) by Rabbi Friendly 03/01/2007, 4:14pm PST
Re: REVIEW: Questionable Content (www.questionablecontent.net) by AnotherQCaddict 03/01/2007, 7:17pm PST
Re: REVIEW: Questionable Content (www.questionablecontent.net) by Web comix guy 03/01/2007, 8:36pm PST
Re: REVIEW: Questionable Content (www.questionablecontent.net) by AnotherQCaddict 03/01/2007, 8:46pm PST
Re: REVIEW: Questionable Content (www.questionablecontent.net) by Neil Young 03/01/2007, 9:01pm PST
ad homiWHAT? by Fussbett 03/01/2007, 9:23pm PST
your retort is like swiss cheese- it's full of holes NT by Flabby-o 03/02/2007, 2:57am PST
Re: REVIEW: Questionable Content (www.questionablecontent.net) by Web comix guy 03/01/2007, 9:45pm PST
Re: REVIEW: Questionable Content (www.questionablecontent.net) by Fussbett 03/01/2007, 9:10pm PST
Re: REVIEW: Questionable Content (www.questionablecontent.net) by Rabbi Friendly 03/01/2007, 11:27pm PST
Your Ad hominem attacks do nothing to earn you favor with me! >:( NT by Mischief Onlooker 03/01/2007, 6:35pm PST
Re: REVIEW: Questionable Content (www.questionablecontent.net) by I need clarification 03/01/2007, 4:40pm PST
Re: REVIEW: Questionable Content (www.questionablecontent.net) by AnotherQCaddict 03/01/2007, 7:22pm PST
Re: REVIEW: Questionable Content (www.questionablecontent.net) by AnotherQCaddict 03/01/2007, 7:25pm PST
I was wondering how you would respond, and I said to myself - Double Post! NT by Web comix guy 03/01/2007, 8:38pm PST
It was a connection problem. by AnotherQCaddict 03/01/2007, 8:41pm PST
Well, we're probably going to ban you for that. NT by I need clarification 03/01/2007, 9:05pm PST
You read my (fucking) mind. NT by Rabbi Friendly 03/01/2007, 10:52pm PST
Please cut to the case by motherfuckerfoodeater 03/01/2007, 9:36pm PST
My connection was a bit problematic at the time I was NT by in bed 03/01/2007, 10:00pm PST
Please stop trying NT by it only makes you more of an idiot 03/03/2007, 3:29am PST
Is there an undeleted thread over there about this? by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/03/2007, 3:15pm PST
There might just be. by mark 03/03/2007, 4:23pm PST
Re: There might just be. by Ice Cream Jonsey 03/03/2007, 6:52pm PST
Re: There might just be. by Jhoh Cable o_O 03/04/2007, 12:06am PST
That guy joined here yesterday (sunglasses) and was banned immediately. NT by motherfuckerfoodeater 03/04/2007, 2:05pm PST
YEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGHH! NT by Schadenfreude 03/04/2007, 3:42pm PST
Furry Furrier. Heh by The Shadow of Anonymity 03/03/2007, 10:57pm PST
Mark needs to post those logs NT by Flavio 03/19/2007, 2:51am PDT
If only clapstro had more threads like this. by Jhoh Cable o_O 03/20/2007, 3:31am PDT
A small, maybe funny portion by mark 03/21/2007, 1:53pm PDT
Is INC's name really Ben Stein? by Stroker Ace (Posts: 4,530) 03/21/2007, 2:18pm PDT
I'M COMING TO HIS HOUSE TO KILL HIM RIGHT NOW by Jhoh Cable o_O 03/21/2007, 4:52pm PDT
Alex NT by MobyGames 03/22/2007, 3:04am PDT
Re: Alex by laudablepuss 03/22/2007, 2:53pm PDT
Hey now. NT by Herb Goldfarb 03/22/2007, 3:09pm PDT
JJJJJJaques finally gives in to INC's terrorist demands? by Swiss Cheese 03/23/2007, 1:19pm PDT
BURN on you! by Mischief Maker 03/27/2007, 9:28am PDT
Serves you right for forgetting to check the file size of an image before upload NT by Jhoh Cable o_O 03/27/2007, 10:12am PDT
They shut the forum down on January 1st, 2023 NT by Ichabod 07/10/2023, 9:17pm PDT
Anyone have the full size of the picture in this? by jauwh 04/09/2013, 10:38am PDT
Adventures of attempting to recreate. by jauwh 04/09/2013, 11:55am PDT
Adoft Adolf WHATEVER NT by jauwh 04/09/2013, 12:07pm PDT
Re: Adventures of attempting to recreate. by laudablepuss 04/09/2013, 12:35pm PDT
Also, it's "heebs" :) NT by laudablepuss 04/09/2013, 12:43pm PDT
Re: Adventures of attempting to recreate. by Mysterios 04/09/2013, 5:44pm PDT
"Dining at the V" NT by V for Vagina 04/09/2013, 2:03pm PDT
^^Shut-in alert^^ NT by Mysterio 04/09/2013, 2:18pm PDT
It's Y as in YMCA (young men's christian association). by jauwh 04/09/2013, 11:02pm PDT
Here;s how it looks these days. by Ichabod 07/25/2020, 10:09pm PDT
It passes the techno-Bechdel test by y-You're Beautiful 07/26/2020, 9:47am PDT
Something that might be lost in the post of the AIM log by Mysterio 07/10/2023, 9:26pm PDT
Like Penny Arcade, this got too awful to even make fun of anymore by wacky robo trannies 07/11/2023, 1:04am PDT
This is very much giving the same vibe nortverse.com NT by Ichabod 12/06/2023, 6:47pm PST
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