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| Haha, yeah. by Jerry Whorebach 09/26/2006, 10:50pm PDT | ||||
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| I tried to apply for a GED program once. They made me start by taking some aptitude tests at the community college. For the English test I had to write an essay about "the most interesting place I had ever been," Office Depot. I wanted to talk about all the different kinds of paper and shit they have, except I didn't know anything about that, so I just made up names for things and then made up things to go with them.
A few minutes after I confidently slapped my test down on the instructor's desk and skipped out the door I realized that I forgot to return her pencil, which I borrowed because I didn't really care enough to bring my own. So I charged back to her desk with evidently some kind of fire burning in my belly and smoke billowing from my eyes like crazy chimneys of insanity because she looked absolutely terrified. Then when I whipped out the pencil she breathed an audible sigh of relief because maybe the night before she had watched a tape that anyone who watches dies or cheated the reaper by getting off an airplane right before it was fated to explode. When I saw the counselor to review my scores he was initially very impressed and assumed I was interested in their shitty English undergraduate program. When I explained that I was only there because I didn't go to highschool and if I had I would probably be attending a real college now he started backpedalling and tried to tell me that those tests I took aren't very accurate. "If that is true then why was I required to take them hmm?" I should have said but instead I just stopped paying attention to him and left when he finished talking. So I never got that GED. Also one other thing happened that I didn't handle very well. When I first got to the counselor's waiting room all the seats were taken and people were just standing around like idiots. So, thinking with such speed and precision that my mind burst right out of the motherfucking box, I borrowed a chair from the completely empty office next door. Some time later a one-legged girl hobbled in on crutches. I wanted to give her my seat because otherwise I suspected it could look bad, but on the other hand I was afraid she might get indignant if I did because you know how cripples are. So I sidestepped that confrontation by standing up to stretch and nonchalantly leaving the room. When I came back she was still standing but some guy had taken my seat and yeah, it did look pretty bad. |
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